This is a test to know if we are not destined to find love or if the love of our life is on their way. As you read, take note of the ones you’ve experienced and ones that are still loading. The end will tell you what next to do.
1. When you shoot your shot but it backfires
And comes back to you, so that you end up falling for your own lines.
2. When you collect sex playlist but you end up playing it while washing clothes
As the song plays, you’ll now be shedding tears because of all the time you wasted anticipating an orgasm.
3. When you don’t have anon
You’ve been on Twitter since God said “Let there be light,” but nobody has bought you ordinary matches. My dear, I’m not insulting you oh. We are sitting on this table together. Several times, I have considered buying things for myself and pretending anon bought it for me. Yes, I’m that desperate.
4. When your crush tells you that they were only using you as a way to get to your friend.
How? Am I not enough?
5. When you send a risky text but they leave you on read.
Affliction has finally risen a third time.
6. When you realize that you’ve not had an intimate touch in ages.
Look dear, I cannot judge. Me that I’m talking, the last intimate touch I had was when I scrubbed my body with sponge. It is why I buy tough sponges. If I scrub hard enough, it might feel like Buhari’s palm stroking my romance-starved body.
7. When the only romantic text you receive is from NCDC, MTN and Access Bank.
If you have ever experienced any of these things, then maybe it’s time to realize that God did not count your name among those that will fall in love. Join me as I battle it out in a power-packed prayer session tagged: “The Bone of My Bone Shall Not Be Eaten By A Dog.”