7 Questions We Still Have About Those Penis-Stealing Stories

June 30, 2020

I once read a novel named ‘Gbomo Gbomo’. It told the story of a little girl who is kidnapped by ritualists and manages to escape. The novel’s last chapter talked about how arresting that particular group didn’t do much to stop the menace of kidnapping. The last line of the book went: “How else do you explain the case of the missing breasts and penis?”

I was 8 years old. And I was scarred for life.

Growing up in Nigeria in the 90s, you definitely heard stories of people having their penises stolen. I was scared shitless at the time. But I’m an adult now and I’ve realized that a lot of things about those stories didn’t add up. Things like:

1) How does one steal a penis?

Magic? A knife? A magic knife? Do you have to grab the person’s crotch (à la Michael Jackson) or just touch them? If so, I’m never walking through Ikeja underbridge again.

2) Why would one steal a penis?

Look, I get why one would steal a penis. This question is directed at the whole ritual industry. Why do some rituals require whole humans and others require only genitalia?

3) When a person’s penis has been stolen, what does their naked crotch look like?

Does it leave a gaping hole or smooth skin?

4) How would the person’s body function after that?

Does the magic rewire their body so they start peeing out of their mouths? If the person has a wet dream, do they wake up to find semen at the side of their lips?

5) Is it more of a spiritual thing where the person loses their ability to summon erections?

Hay God.

6) If the previous point is true, then how would a person confirm that they’ve gotten their erection-summoning abilities back after the thief claims to have returned it?

Here's the Episode Where That Mr. Krabs Meme Is From | Complex

Do they have to jerk off in front of everyone under Ikeja bridge as proof?


L*v on Twitter: "Me trying to explain the stranger's plot to my ...

AM I ?????!!!

Watch this week’s episode of Isolation Diary where @grandpabbychuck talks about this same issue.

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

You'll like this

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.


Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

More from Inside Life


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.