We like to think our bodies are our own. Like we own and control them. But you see this body you call your own, it chooses to disgrace, embarrass and betray you, occasionally at the worst of times.
Read on to see the 6 terrible ways your body can betray you so you can cast and bind them next Sunday.
1. When your stomach betrays you
Of all the betrayals, this one is the worst. Once it hits you, you’ll just start sweating big bullets of sweat out of nowhere and all the hair on your body will stand at attention.
Next, the stupid stomach starts rumbling as you running around looking for the closest toilet. If you don’t find, you’re on your own.
2. When your hairline betrays you
Men know this all too well. Your hairline starts to do a Michael Jackson and moonwalks to the back. You’ll go to bed one night with a full head of hair and wake up the next morning with strands of hair gently falling on your pillow while you slept. If this is not the most painful body betrayal, I don’t know what is.
3. When your period betrays you
You’ve not seen your boyfriend in four months because you live in different cities. But he’s coming to town for the weekend. Your pussy is throbbing at the time you’re going to have. You’ve been telling him that you have that WAP.
Little do you know that your uterus has other plans for you. As he is landing at the airport, your period is landing too.
So, all plans for mekwe are cancelled till further notice (probably another four months). If you’re thinking “period doesn’t stop anything,” I want you to know that you’re a very nasty nasty person. I hope God forgives you.
4. When your penis betrays you
This one is probably the 2nd worst. You’ve slid into this babe’s DM like 8 months ago, arranging the parole patiently for when she comes to Lagos. Everything is set, your date was great. You get home and its time to do some gbas gbos under the sheets. Alas, your penis has refused to cooperate with you. You beg and plead but no show for you today. Dead.
5. When your immune system betrays you
This one is just annoying. Your body can just pack up one day and say it’s not doing again. You start to regret all the time you stressed your body, but it’s too late. Go and use two Coartem and one paracetamol. Pele.
6. When your age starts to betray you
30+, this is for you. You realise that your body can’t do what it used to. You’re going to bed by 9 p.m. When you’re in Quilox, you’re already yawning by 11.30. Before, you used to do 5 rounds non-stop, now you can only 1½ rounds before you call it a night. Your body starts to slow down
You should probably read 5 Ways Your Body Changes After You Turn 30 (According To Twitter).