Unilag is known as the University of First Choice and the Nations Pride, but did you go to Unilag if you don’t understand these struggles?
1. When you get your admission but realise you have to
ballot fight for bedspace.
When it’s 8:30 a.m. and the website is no longer loading so you start calculating your transport costs from home everyday.
2. When cab men start shouting at you for not having change.
If I had my own car, you people won’t be shouting at me because of ₦20 o. Please don’t keep the change. Give me my ₦20 sir.
3. When you’re a female, and you have to pass in front of any boys hostel.
Shodeinde, Jaja, Eni Njoku, and Mariere boys? Fear them.
This is you when you finally decide to pass and they start shouting and catcalling:
4. Alpha Base thinking they’re SARS.
What is Alpha Base, if not SARS persevering?
5. Medical Centre treating everything as Malaria.
“Did you break your leg? Here, take this Coartem. You’ll be just fine.”
6. When lecturers start saying “A is for God…”
“A is for God, B is for me, C is for the extremely serious students, everybody will get this D.”
7. CITS playing with your life because of some error they won’t admit.
Getting an extra year in UNILAG is not too hard. CITS will come through for you.
8. Campus shuttle men and stealing ₦30 change.
Believe me, they have ₦30 change.
9. When you’re on a queue in Shop 10 and someone starts shouting “Aunty Eno, don’t you remember me?” from the back.
Better line up like the rest of us. Aunty Eno ko.
10. When food sellers started giving IOUs.
Just forget your money.
11. When you eat at Salado for the first time and they give you your bill.
Do you people use to accept plate washing as payment?
12. When you go for overnight and see people fornicating.
Is this the reading you people said you want to come and do here?
13. When you also go to Sports Centre and see people fornicating.
That is not the type of sports we came to do here.
14. When the guards at Sports Centre gate begin to ask for your ID Card.
Many times, you have to end up paying ₦200 to enter.
15. When your babe says she’s going to “see her friend” at High Rise.
But you have to act like you don’t know what’s about to happen.
“Have fun babe, xoxo.”
16. When you get to Iya Moria and amala has finished.
Just kill me.
17. When you realise that the new girl you’re talking to stays in Honours Hall.
Will I be going to Honours every night like this?
18. When you wake up to the sound of “Anywash!?”
But you don’t even have enough money to eat breakfast.
19. When exams are approaching and there’s no strike yet.
Isn’t there always a 2-week strike shortly before exams? Isn’t that when we’re actually meant to read?
20. When Unilag made everybody sign away their right to protest.
If you know anybody that went to Unilag, send them money. We’ve been through a lot.
21. When your 4-man room turns to a 20-man room.
You get back to your room and see someone sleeping on your bed. Who are they? Your roommate’s squatter’s squatter.