20 Kinds of Nigerians Who Aren’t Allowed to Claim “Trenches”

October 18, 2022

People who spend ₦50k at restaurants

If you’re one of those people that spend ₦50k on cocktails and pasta, be aware that you’re spending someone’s take home salary.

RELATED: 5 Nigerians Reveal Their Best Experience At Nigerian Restaurants

People who have never had to cook with a boiling ring

If this is you, it means you went to a posh boarding school and you’re not like the rest of us in the trenches. You’re so rich, you probably use money to wipe your tears.

People who have touched the furniture in Dangote’s house

Imagine the people that have sat on the chairs in Dangote’s house or those that have wined and dined with him on his dining table. We’d love to meet them and ask them how they felt.

People who go on trips with their friends

You know you’ve made it when that trip makes it out of the group chat. When we say trips, we mean every kind of trips: Mexico o, Cabo o, Paris o, even trips to Yankari Game Reserve and Olumo Rock follow. Where are you people seeing money in this economy?

Lagos Big Boys 

They drive Benz, buy Azul like they’re buying water, have Rolexes, go on trips, they’re Lagos Big Boys.

RELATED: The Complete Guide to Passing as a Lagos Big Boy

“Let Zikoko show where the money at! Subscribe to the Money By Zikoko newsletter to get all the gist about how money moves in Nigeria by Nigerians. Every Monday at 8 a.m.”

Lagos Big Girls

The queens of spending money. They travel to Dubai when they’re having a headache and Mauritius when they’re tired of how Lagos smells. If you’ve only been to Ijebu-Ode, respectfully, this isn’t you.

People who earn salary in dollars.

You’re in a country where the currency people spend is naira but you’re earning in dollars. You’re a baller and everyone around you is a mechanic.

RELATED: Are you a mechanic or a baller 

People with more than one passport

If you have two passports, please you need to cut soap for us. You guys are so lucky because you can decide to japa anytime.

People who own (or use) private jets

Only rich people take airplanes but people who have private jets are a whole different breed.

People who have solar inverters

NEPA keeps showing us shege but people with inverters can’t relate to the struggles the rest of us go through. When last did you shout up NEPA?

RELATED: Interview With National Grid

Abuja big boys

If you think Lagos boys are big, wait till you see Abuja big boys. We don’t know if it’s their sports cars, jalabiya, Audemars Piguet watch and the Rolexes that have earned them the right to talk down on money.

Abuja big girls

Shoutout to Abuja big girls! They’re the real queens of enjoyment. We’re trying to be like them but funds no dey.

People who live on the Island

If this is you and you’re reading this, welcome! We’re honored to have you here. How does it feel to be able to talk down on money? It probably feels great.

People who have more than one ATM card

Owing an ATM card means you’re a respected person in society. But owning two and above? You’re an Igwe, a chief, an ambassador, a royal highness, a baller and a bad bitch. 

People who don’t drink garri

If you don’t drink garri all the time like the rest of us, it’s probably because you’re busy eating sushi, pasta, seafood etc. How can you claim “trenches”?

People who can relate to what retail therapy is

If the first that comes to your mind when you’re sad is shopping, then yeah you’re an OBO and we want to be like you when we grow up. 

RELATED: Retail Therapy is Expensive, but Here’s Why it Slaps

People who can’t remember the last time they entered public transport

If you have a car or you’re always ordering Uber anytime you want to go out, you’re simply built different. We would love for you to tell us where you found your money. Are you a tech bro or a tech sis? What exactly did you do to get money?

RELATED: How To Do Money Ritual In A Way That Pleases God

“Let Zikoko show where the money at! Subscribe to the Money By Zikoko newsletter to get all the gist about how money moves in Nigeria by Nigerians. Every Monday at 8 a.m.”

People who use diesel generators

Only a rich person can afford to buy and maintain a generator that uses diesel because have you seen the price of diesel these days?

People that don’t check their account balance

Some people just swipe and swipe their cards all day long, without even thinking about how much is in their account. These are the people we’re trying to be like when we grow up.

People who have bought Airpods more than once 

If you’ve bought Airpods more than once, then you probably have a money tree in your backyard. Please, tell us what seed you planted to grow that tree. 

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