I don’t know about you but marriage scares the shit out of me. The very idea that it is forever makes my heart beat fast. Not just the length, but the fact that your partner has the potential to mess up your life. That is, you can die from second-hand embarrassment as a result of their actions.
No one man should have all that power.
Fueled by my deep fear of marriage, I reached out to some married men who shared what they wished they knew before getting married.
1) “Make sure you are accomplished educationally before you dive in. It’s true what they say about it being tougher in marriage to pursue academic goals. Not impossible but definitely tougher.”
2) “Your mothers may not necessarily be there for child care. Get external help from the start! Don’t make any partner put their lives on hold for child care. Do all you can to avoid it but don’t neglect your children either – no money, no children! Don’t let anyone lie to you.”
3) “Don’t stop marriage counselling at least for the first one year.”
4) “Don’t start making babies until you are emotionally ready and maybe your career doesn’t require so much from either of you.”
5) “Satisfy those urges/vices well because you will question yourself and your decision.”
6) “I wish I knew if I was the type that wanted kids or I just wanted to roam the earth with no obligations to procreation.”
7) “Understand the mood of a woman at every possible time. That would help you give her the best. Especially when they are having their monthly cycles – they are usually in pain. If you follow them based on their attitude during that period, you realise that you are probably just going to get on their nerves. They may respond negatively and this can cause a rift in the relationship. So, read the room and act based on the mood.”
8) “Childbirth will change the woman you married. Especially postpartum depression. She will shut you out and you will be wondering “oh my God, how can I handle this?” You need to be there for her. There will be reduced warmth but you still need to be there for her.”
9)”For some women, after childbirth, their body never remains the same. Then, psychologically they start to think: “oh, my body is not the same. They lose confidence in their body shape and based on that you might realise that they start to withdraw from sexual activities. At this point, if you are not understanding enough, you start to think she’s depriving you of marital rights. And you may consider cheating to satisfy your urges.
You have to understand that it’s not about you.
Don’t be irrational. Discuss with her because it’s only through resolution that you can solve a problem.”
10) “Build trust and never give your wife any reason to think you are cheating. She will never trust you. Never.”
11) “Money is important – it makes every other thing easier to do – money solves like half of the issues that can come up.”
12) “Make sure the person you want to marry isn’t dependent on you. I wish my wife would listen to me about money but I caused it. I set a precedent of provider and now I don’t think she can survive if I die today. So, make sure the person you want to marry not only has a job, make sure they have a mind of their own. It is important because you need assistance and support. You can’t do it on your own, you will die.”
13) “Don’t listen to start small. Have a constant source of income, a rented house before getting married. Also, enjoy bachelorhood small because the rest of your life will be a cycle of putting others first and not being appreciated. Be selfish for yourself when you are still young. But, don’t overdo it.”
You should read this next: 5 Nigerian Men Tell Us About Their “Firsts” Including Their First Million