5 Nigerian Men Tell Us About Their “Firsts” Including Their First Million

April 1, 2020

Fortunately or unfortunately for you people (readers), I have a lot of male friends who are not afraid to have some of the less talked about conversations.

Seeing as there is some free time at hand, I decided to ask them individually some of the more honest questions many men don’t talk about. The theme covers money, death, sex, morals, and life in general.

Here are some of the questions and answers I got.

1) How did you feel the first time you made a million?

O: I was like is this it? I finally have a million naira. I expected some fireworks or maybe some life-changing thing to happen, but it didn’t. I sha slept first to process it and I woke up to a text from home asking me to send money. By the time I sent money home, I was back to thousandaire. That’s when I realized that everything is overrated. But I’ll rather be an overrated millionaire than poor sha.

As a Nigerian man, no one respects you if you don’t have money. Like this, if I don’t go to church on Sunday no one questions me because is it not me that gave them money for the Sunday rice we will eat in the afternoon? So, if I want to keep this freedom I have to embrace liking millions even if it’s overrated.

2) How was your first orgasm like?

C: My first orgasm was nice, I think I had read a lot and seen a lot from porn and popular media and expected something mindblowing.

It was different, it was not mindblowing and I guess it is because I have a complicated history with all things sexual and I have repressed it for a long time. Funny enough, I had this irrational fear prior to the orgasm that perhaps I was too damaged by my past to have one. So, if anything my first orgasm brought me relief that I was normal. Prior to that, I had never had a conscious orgasm and I have had some frolicking adventures and expected that I would have had an orgasm during then. But nothing came except precum.

For my first orgasm, I remember that there was leg shaking and a momentary loss of control which, to be frank, I didn’t like on a higher level because I don’t like losing control. In all, I think orgasms are overrated because I have little experience and a whole lot of sex therapy to do.

3) How did you feel the first time you watched someone die?

K: As a doctor, I am used to seeing people die. I once spent the night shift in a ward where all the patients were dead by morning, so death is no stranger to me. It’s like a disappointing family member people don’t talk about in the family meeting. So, for me, I will use the first death that shook me because the first death I witnessed didn’t move me.

My cousin who was asthmatic came to my hospital to be nebulized but we realized there were complications and she was going to need oxygen to breathe properly. We admitted her over the night for observation but by midnight, an emergency case came in. Seeing as she was getting stable, they wheeled the only oxygen tank in the hospital from her bed in the ward to the emergency room which was like 15 minutes away. I remember staying the night with her and assuring her she would go home tomorrow.

Around 3 am, she started to gasp for breath. I quickly sprung into action and called the attention of the nurse for the emergency tray. Seeing as her mum retired from the hospital and I also worked there, we got prompt attention and they even dispatched an orderly to go retrieve the oxygen tank. But I knew, I just knew as the guy was running that he couldn’t make it back in time.

I kept on holding her hands while waiting for either the emergency tray or oxygen tank. She kept on crying “you promised”, “you promised” then she let out a loud cry and went still. Very silent. You know how everything goes quiet when Nepa brings light and we all turn off our generators? yeah, like that.

I think that was the first time I saw the system fail someone who had connect and knew people. I just made up my mind to leave this country that day.

4) When was the first time you doubted all you believe in?

T: For me, I like to be consistent in character. My toxic trait is that because I don’t want to seem inconsistent, I make commitments that I shouldn’t. It stems from the fact that I was somewhat irresponsible growing up so as an adult, I overcompensate for it by doing the most right thing and upholding certain personal morals.

So, I had a friend when I was uni, let’s call her H. She was married but I mean we were good friends before she got married so no shaking. Seeing as her husband couldn’t relate to some of her current semester struggles, I was her sounding board and confidant. I mean that was cool and all by me because I have a line that I don’t cross and that’s marriage. I won’t sleep with a married person but girlfriend or engaged is fair game to me so I am not a saint.

Well, let’s just say that on some unfortunate day. The type that happens when you are talking past midnight with someone and you drop your inhibitions and collective responsibility and just follow animal instincts, we kissed. And then we kissed some more. Warning bells were going off in my head but stronger ones were going on in my loins. While it is not my proudest moment, we had sex.

Fast forward, she felt miserable and hated me but I hated and still hate myself more. She reached out to me recently that she has forgiven me but I can’t get past that incident. I was so sure about my morals and that I would always do the right thing. All I know is that from that day, I no longer judge what’s wrong or right. I have no opinions on anything.

5) When was the first time you realized you were like your dad?

H: Well, my cousins live with me. They do stuff like leave the lights on or waste food. The first time I found myself giving them a lecture on how tough it is to make money and how it doesn’t grow on trees, I was like this feels familiar.

Also, the first time they told me that my life is boring and all I do is work or sleep, I had flashbacks to childhood and saying the same thing. The funny thing is that I am just older than them by 6 years but they probably think I am ancient. I don’t blame them, they are unemployed brats so they have the energy to insult their provider. Wait, that’s something my dad says. God!


Hello Zikoko fam, something is coming soon. A series for men by men about men.

Watch this space:

Hassan Yahaya

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

January 24, 2021

What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. “Man Like” is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

April 3, 2020

While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name. Go ahead:

More from Inside Life

January 21, 2021

Being an Airbnb host means having to interact with different kinds of people, some great, others unsavoury. I spoke to four Airbnb hosts about their experiences and how they coped during the pandemic. Arike Being an Airbnb host in Nigeria is quite an interesting experience. Many times, we have great guests who aren’t a bother. […]

January 20, 2021

You have to get somewhere on time. It’s important. But you didn’t start getting ready on time, so now you’re rushing to do everything. You get ready just in time and you look at the mirror and smile, “I knew I’d make it.” And you don’t feel bad for wasting time earlier anymore. Now it’s […]

January 20, 2021

If you ever want to see a Nigerian lose their home training, then go to any of these seven places. 1) NIN registration centre One thing that does not mix well is Nigerians and deadlines. It is a catastrophic, and destined for disaster. Somebody’s father probably came home complaining about how one ‘small boy’ insulted […]

January 20, 2021

According to the World Health Organisation, one in four Nigerians has a mental illness. The same health body also estimates that one in four people globally will have a mental illness at some point in their lives. Nigeria has about 300 psychiatrists catering to its teeming 200 million-strong population. With statistics such as these, many […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X