Hostels around Unilag are God’s worst punishment to man. If you don’t like staying on campus or you are just too bougie for that campus hostel life, and you are looking for hostels around Unilag the things you will see will scar you for life, but at least you’d be prepared for life outside of your parent’s house. 

1. The one that never has light or network

As a human being in this time and era, I don’t have to tell you that this is a red flag. If an agent takes you to a hostel around Unilag and the generator looks like it hasn’t been used in years or people are sitting outside in the afternoon, you better run. 

2. The mixed hostel

Whatever expectations you have for this hostel, just throw it all away. It will suck, especially if you have to share a kitchen space or laundry space. All the dirty disgusting things you will see, flesh and blood will reveal it to you. Don’t try looking for love here, nobody wants to spend a year avoiding an ex in the same building.

3. The one built on a quiet street

This is never a good sign because that means there’s no restaurant, provisions store, hairstylist or anything close by. It will end in premium tears. If you do not see kids on that street the first time you go there, block your agent. 

4. The overpriced one 

The worst thing about this type of hostel around Unilag is the audacity. They are usually small and tight and all they offer is stable light which really shouldn’t be a thing and they’ll have the audacity to tell you that it’s over a million Naira. Yes girl, give us nothing. In all this, I blame Unilag and the people that still go ahead to pay. Also, they get robbed a lot because people expect the occupants to be rich. 

5. The underpriced one

These are a money-laundering front for sure. They are usually moderately priced with good water, light and they even take care of maintenance by themselves. They don’t stress you out and it’s almost like they handpicked people with good attitudes and manners. I still think you should run sha, nothing can ever be that good. 

6. The one in Bariga 

First of all, the point of going to Unilag is living near Unilag and no, Bariga is not near Unilag. Don’t let your friends deceive you, even Pako is not near Unilag. If you are spending up to 500 hundred Naira on transport, that’s a problem. Another thing is the water. There is a whole ass canal in there, so when it rains you will hate yourself but at least the hostels in there are cheaper-ish. 

7. The face-me-I-slap-you

The funniest thing about these types of hostels around Unilag is that it’s not even one of the cheapest options around, the maintenance is just really poor. There are so many obvious problems that come with living in a place like this, for instance: Your neighbours will be a proper family unit and they will steal and borrow everything you own. The landlords that own buildings like these are always against growth so no, you can’t repaint that dirty brown wall or bring in that nice furniture because he will end up charging you ten times more than everyone else.  

8. The partially refurbished family house

Sometimes, this is one of the better types of hostels around Unilag you’ll find. Because it was built for people that care about each other, it’s always big and spacious but since this is Nigeria, something must disappoint you. Nothing in that hostel will work well, not taps, showers, cupboards, fans, absolutely nothing. Maintenance? Do you mean the same people that repainted and installed bunk beds into their family house and did nothing else, you think they’ll take care of repairs? Nothing like that dear. 

9. The apartment

Or at least that’s what your agent will call it. If you are planning to rent a hostel around Unilag just prepare yourself for disappointment and if you find yourself being happy with the place you finally selected, that’s a red flag. It’s only around Unilag that you will rent an “Apartment” and buy both the front door and every other door in the house. If you’ve never lived alone maybe don’t try this option. Do you know how expensive curtains are?

10. The boarding school structure

If you have really bad luck and you end up in a hostel like this, here’s what to expect: You will at the very least, pay three hundred thousand Naira to live in the same room with 5 other people only to be given boarding house rules. You can’t let guys in until 3 pm and they must leave before 9.  No drinking, smoking or parties which is fair since you have to respect the fact that you are living with other people. You will have a strict midnight curfew, A house mistress that hates everyone’s guts and they can decide to evict you for making too much noise. You might as well just be living with your parents.  

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