Somewhere in Nigeria, a group of men are currently updating their list on how to beautifully ruin someone’s life with their charm.

As they are updating that list, they are finding new ways to end one relationship with someone else.

It could be you sis, or me. Actually maybe both of us.

But don’t worry, I cracked the code so we can end this nonsense once and for all.

So far, my investigation has shown the multiple ways a Yoruba Demon can break up with you.

Now you can protect yourself. And if you’re lucky enough to see any of these signs before the set time, just run!

The first thing I figured out is this: once you start hearing “it’s not you, it’s me”, please just agree, it’s him.

Just leave him and let him date himself.

According to the Book of Yoruba Demons chapter 7 vs 23, in some cases he actually loves you, but…

…you’re too good for him.

”Baby, my pastor called me after church and told me we have to end it. He said you’re not the one for me”.

But wait, Tobi you don’t even go to church.

Once he starts fighting over every little thing, that’s the beginning of the end.

“But why can’t you just fold the toilet roll when you finish using it? Ha!”

“Sorry, the number you’ve dialed does not exist, please check the number and dial again.”

Once you hear this more than 4 times, I’m sorry sis.

Or you try to DM him on Instagram and as soon as you open Instagram you see a picture of his new babe.

“No no no my eyes are deceiving me. I’ve actually needed glasses for a while now.”

Or in most cases you don’t even get the opportunity to see his babe, because he has blocked you.

At least what you don’t know won’t kill you.

While you’re still in doubt, you head over to his house and that gateman you used to give 50 naira everyday comes out and says…

…ha aunty, sorry o. Oga said I should not open the gate for you.

The grandmaster of all their break up strategies. I don’t know if you’re ready for this one.

“Please just say it, you’ve already started the damage anyway. What could be worse?”

He sends you a wedding invitation.

“She has fainted o! Sister wake up, wake up! Bring water o!”

If you’ve never experienced any of these, I hope you don’t.

And if you have, please tell us your experiences. Let’s be ready.


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.