Which Nigerian Politician Are You?

February 1, 2019

Are You Dino Melaye?

Do you have a flair for the dramatic? Have you always dreamt of doing your own stunts? Do you think very little of public embarrassment for yourself and family members? Look no further, you are Kogi West Senator — Dino Melaye.

Maybe Lauretta Onochie.

Do you have an undiagnosed social media addiction? Do you care very little about verifying facts and figures? Do you have an insult vocabulary that may or may not sound like a 12 year old’s? If your answers to these are mostly yes, then we have news for you, you are presidential media aide- Lauretta Onochie.

Maybe You Have A Little Bubu Inside You.

Is travel your calling? Are public obligations no big deal to you? Do you chronically avoid public speaking? – we’re talking debates and personal or national addresses here.

Have you ever been called out by your partner in front of a lot of people? The whole country perhaps? Then say no more, you are Nigeria’s 15th president – Muhammadu Buhari.

Do You Share Worrying Similarities With Saraki?

Do you hate your boss? Have you ever accidentally sent a mass email or maybe had a tape leaked to that effect? Bonus points if you ever had to fight a parent to gain freedom.

If you’re nodding aggressively to this, then you are no other than Nigeria’s Senate President- Bukola Saraki.

Are You On The Brink Of Breakthrough Like Atiku?

Atiku

Have you been waiting for your moment to shine? Does it look so close and yet so far right now? Did you recently take a trip to a country you’ve been scared to visit? Extra, extra points if you and your former boss, who you had serious beef with, are super cool now. Then what do we have here, you just might be the PDP presidential candidate and former vice-president of Nigeria — Atiku Abubakar.

You Could Just Be Oby Ezekwesili.

Do you regularly speak out for the oppressed? Are you ready to start a protest this afternoon if something doesn’t sit right with your spirit?

That said, do you also have commitment issues? Like say you decide to be referee today, center-back next week, before finally deciding, maybe football isn’t really your thing?

If this sounds dangerously close to the life you’re living, then we have news for you, you are former BBOG Founder/PACT referee/ ACPN Presidential Candidate- Oby Ezekwesili.

Are You The Jagaban Himself?

Do you just run things? Do you have a whole city on lockdown, some might say hostage?

Has your power reached the level that you can remove a governor (allegedly) and replace him (allegedly) with someone you like, just because?

If your money isn’t the type that’s on the same level and even surpasses a whole state’s earnings, then so sorry about that, you are not APC chieftain(?)/ Lagos state strong-holder- Bola Ahmed Tinubu.

Are there dollars in your agabada? Sure you’re not Ganduje?

Can they use dollars to scatter your dada? I mean, you’re Nigerian, so your answer is probably yes. But is your love for dollars so deep, you have special pockets in your agabadas just to haul the cash? (Allegedly) 🙂

If you’re the type to cover your ears with Benjamins when the people that need it the most are crying out, then good luck to you, you’re Kano State governor- Abdullahi Ganduje.

Boyin Plumptre

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

June 30, 2020

Ever since the lockdown eased up, there has been a relaxed atmosphere among Nigerians. Fewer people are wearing masks and there are “small parties” happening all over the country. Understandably, people are tired.  How worried would you feel if you avoided these parties, followed the necessary guidelines, and still got COVID-19? Today, Lisa and Tomiwa […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

November 29, 2020

The idea of a blind date sounds exciting, but nobody really knows what they’re getting themselves into. It can go rather well or horribly wrong. Let’s tell you a short story. One you probably know too well. 1. You are on your lane when your friends decide to set you up on a date You […]

Nigerian Army testifies SARS panel
November 29, 2020

The Nigerian Army has shared their testimony twice at the Lagos State Judicial Panel of Inquiry and Restitution For Victims of SARS Related Abuses. At Zikoko Citizen, we have been following the “Lagos SARS panel” ever since the panel was inaugurated, and we have also been present at the panel hearing on the two occasions […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

More from Citizen

Nigerian Army testifies SARS panel
November 29, 2020

The Nigerian Army has shared their testimony twice at the Lagos State Judicial Panel of Inquiry and Restitution For Victims of SARS Related Abuses. At Zikoko Citizen, we have been following the “Lagos SARS panel” ever since the panel was inaugurated, and we have also been present at the panel hearing on the two occasions […]

Cross River by-election
November 27, 2020

There will be by-elections in Cross River and some states other in Nigeria on December 5, 2020, and we’re counting down to the elections. We have written about everything you need to know about the by-elections and all the candidates in the Bayelsa West and Central Senatorial by-election. In Cross River state, the death of […]

bayelsa by-election
November 26, 2020

A few weeks, ago we wrote about the by-elections that will be taking place on December 5, 2020, including the most important things you need to know. In addition to that, we will be writing about the candidates in the Bayelsa West and Bayelsa Central senatorial by-elections. This is because it is important for you […]

UK Sanctions Nigeria
November 24, 2020

Yesterday, November 24th 2020, the UK parliament, at the Westminister Hall debated e-petition 554150, relating to Nigeria and the sanctions regime. The debate was led by Theresa Villiers MP, and it suggested sanctions for members of the Nigerian Government and police officers who have been involved in human rights abuses. The parliamentary debate has generated […]

Nigeria recession
November 23, 2020

Recession, palliative, ad-hoc committee, ultra-modern, bistro — you can’t claim to be a Nigerian if you’ve never heard these words. They are so popular, we wrote about them. Speaking of recession, on Saturday, November 22nd, 2020, the Nigerian Bureau of Statistics reported that Nigeria’s GDP (Gross Domestic Product) reduced by 3.62% from September to October […]

November 19, 2020

The Nigerian police is ranked as one of the worst in the world, and the Nigerian society is notable for widespread human rights abuses. In your house or outside it, you’re always a moment away from having your rights abused by the police in Nigeria. After the #EndSARS protests, the Nigerian police have ramped up […]

CNN Lekki
November 18, 2020

Some Nigerians were still rolling in their bed this morning, trying to pick up pieces of their lives after the Lekki Massacre, when CNN Africa sent shockwaves through Nigeria’s part of the Internet.  In a brilliant collation of all the videos that have trended over the #LekkiMassacre, mixed with excellent investigative reportage that made use […]

Eromosele Adene
November 17, 2020

If you don’t know about Eromosle “Eromz” Adene’s case, well you should. The arrest of the 27-year old musician and philanthropist has generated a lot of controversy across social media, with opinions and counter opinions on how horrible the Nigerian society is, and why the Nigerian government cannot keep abusing human rights while getting away […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X