Do you understand what kind of bored generation, this generation is? Made up stories and scenarios don’t cut it anymore; real people with real lives and expectations have to be dangled in front of us, to guarantee that real-life, reality TV entertainment. We’re somehow oh.
We’re not knocking on reality shows, far from it We may or may not be a little addicted to Ultimate Love and you better know how much we love us some Big Brother, which is why we have come to our message for today.
Reality TV is great, but reality TV specifically catering to the actual realities of Nigerian life, somebody make it happen!
Luckily we’ve tweaked the shows and provided an updated synopsis. Don’t forget to run us our cheques:
Ultimate Love … For Generators.
Here’s what we’ll do. Keep Nigerians locked in a home for 100 days. No generators. All tasks will be geared to win a chance to sleep in the part of the house powered by generators. Imagine the chaos.
Pros – will save diesel money. Cons – viewers probably won’t see anything in the regular, non-generator powered house after 7 PM.
Tell your people to call our people.
Big Brother… Watches Everything You Post Online.
An intimate look at all the people behind your mobile phone screens, (almost literally), watching whether you’ll be the next to go to prison for naming your dog after a Nigerian president.
Ultimate Search … For An Area With More Than 7 Hours Light Daily.
Imagine this, a camera crew following may be 7 Nigerians around a state, interviewing landlords, neighbours egg. The person that successfully finds (and can afford) a place with more than 7 hours of light wins.
Maltina Family Dance .. All The Way To The Canadian Embassy.
This might seem a tad harsh, but a cheque and a North American visa are at stake here. Two families pitted against each other for a chance to dance their way to a Canadian visa. Okay fine, we’ll throw in a Permanent Residency too.
Love is blind … When You Can’t See Your Significant Other Without Electricity.
Honourable abroad reality tv show mention.
Forget pods. Imagine Love is Blind but the contestants can only speak to the other cast members when there’s no light. They say a man’s true character comes out when he can’t watch his favourite TV show at will.
Watch chaos happen at night time.
The Apprentice… Learns How To Give Excuses For Uncompleted Clothes.
We just follow a bunch of Nigerian apprentice tailors as they attempt to outdo their bosses in lies about why the fabrics given months ago, haven’t been taking out of their nylons. Extra points for creativity. We’re raising the next generation here.
Nigeria’s Got Talent … For All Kinds Of Illegal Things.
Pipeline vandals, militants and cult boys audition to give viewers a wholesome look into their activities.
The more impressive the ways their talents, the better their chances of making it to the finals.
Who won’t want to watch a pipeline vandal carry out his activities in real-time, on a real pipeline in the season finale? Whomst?
The Voice… That No One Listens To.
Literally a mash up of regular Nigerian citizens, political pundits and experts sharing how they advised the government against certain policies, only for the government to completely ignore them. Just think of it as 30 minutes of undiluted, continuous ‘I told you sos’.
Who wants to be a ‘Yahoo’ millionaire?
Yahoo boys attempting to recruit girls to speak to clients on their behalfs. Training schools on how to press laptops. Masterclasses on how to fake a Texan accent, a season finale where they all get carried off like sardine by the EFCC – who wouldn’t want to watch that?
What would you like to see made into a reality TV show?