At the end of last year, you were most likely paid your December salary really early in the month. You were super stoked because that meant you could flex as hard as you wanted during the festive period.
And flex you did.
Forgetting that that salary was also supposed to last you throughout the next month.
Now you’re broke, even though it’s the only the second week of January. You’re losing weight because you’ve been forced to go on a diet by your near-empty bank account. If this describes your current situation, I’m here to help.
Here is a a list of 10 cheap meals that’ll keep you satisfied until January salary enters.
1. Bread and butter
Throw in a 50cl bottle of Pepsi and you get the bricklayer special!
2. Cabin biscuits and Milk
Pour the milk in the biscuits (like a human) or crush the biscuits and throw them in the milk (like a f***ing psychopath) to get a delicious bowl of what hungry boarding school students decades ago affectionately called biscuit flakes (even though the end result couldn’t be further from being flaky).
3. Cabin biscuits and sardines
Squeeze your face all you want, but I can personally vouch for this outrageous but totally delicious combo.
4. Raw instant noodles soaked in cold water for like 40 minutes.
Is it kinda disgusting? Yes. Will you gag the first few times you try it? Also yes. But it does get better after a while, and you really don’t have a choice because you’re broke. So shut up and learn to love the taste of vomit.
5. Eba mixed with palm oil and pepper
Pouring the oil and pepper in during the eba-making process. I’ve never tried it myself but I imagine it’ll taste a lot like stale palm oil flavoured cotton candy.
6. Raw instant noodles.
Because who has all that time (and technical know-how) to actually cook it, right? Just take it out of the pack and eat it like a snack. No one will judge you (too much).
Just Mayonnaise. Eat it straight out of the jar or put it in a bowl so you can lie that it’s ice cream if you get caught. And even if you do get caught, you’re a (broke) grown-ass adult and you can do whatever you want.
Just butter. If you like some crunch in your munch (and don’t mind a little diabetes when you hit 50), throw some ground sugar in the mix. Eat it straight out of the container or put it in a bowl so you can lie that it’s custard if you get caught. And even if you do get caught, you’re a (broke) grown-ass adult…
9. Bread and Gala
Works with any sausage roll, really. For when the bread and butter/mayo combo becomes too mainstream.
Did you really think I was going to end this without including some healthy greens? The best thing about salads (apart from their high nutritional value) is that you don’t have to cook them. Just cut up and enjoy. Too lazy to cut? Eat the ingredients individually and wash it down with a cold bottle of salad cream.