5. Whenever an iPhone user is complaining about battery life.
Who sent you?
6. When an app is not available in the Nigerian play store.
Where is it now available?
7. When other people already have an app update but you’re still there waiting like:
Ordinary update.
8. The struggle of using your Nigerian bank MasterCard on the Playstore.
Kuku kill me.
9. When your Android falls face down and it is not a Samsung or HTC.
When you’re ready you’ll stand up.
10. When these phone manufacturers release a new, more expensive Android phone.
They all look the same.
11. When Google Now cannot really understand your accent.
Better behave.
12. When people make fun of Android Snapchat quality.
I’m not crying.
13. You, refusing to update your OS because there will always be problems.
Updates always, always come with terrible ringtones.
14. When your auto-correct starts correcting and suggesting words for you.
No auto-correct, I really meant to type that.
15. When the OS argument is going on and Windows phone users want to join in.
This doesn’t concern you though.
16. You, when an iPhone user moves to Android.
You’ve seen the light.
…coz even your boo get a boo…
1. When the teacher asks if everyone understands and the class says “NO!”, but you understand perfectly.
How is that not clear?
2. When they give an assignment and everyone in the class is waiting for you to do it.
Fine! I’ll do it!
3. When you finish your assignment.
Oya copy oh!
4. When the teacher splits you into groups for a project and you end up doing all the work.
Again!
5. When you mistakenly fail a test. Your teacher:
It’s just one failure.
6. When someone else scores higher than you on a test. Everyone:
Na wa oh!
7. When you get a B and it depresses you but you cannot be sad in public.
It’s so hard.
8. When people see you stabbing a class.
What?! I have to go to all the classes?
9. How people react when you tell them you don’t understand a particular topic.
I don’t know it oh!!!!
10. When you ask someone what aspect they need you to explain to them and they say “Everything”.
You didn’t pay your school fees to me.
11. When everyone expects you to organize tutorials before exams but you haven’t even read.
Oh God!
12. When exams are coming and you tell people you haven’t read.
I haven’t oh!
13. When people come to confirm their answers with you after every exam.
*flips hair*
14. When people see you reading for exams.
Leave me plis.
15. You when you hear “10 minutes left” in the exam but you still have more to write.
More time please!
16. When you raise up your hand in class and the teacher doesn’t call you.
Pick me!!!
1. How you feel when your phone finally reaches 100%.
We did it!
2. When your battery is at 1% when the gist is getting sweet.
Hurry!!!!
3. When someone tries to educate you about not using your phone while it’s charging.
Thanks!
4. When you’ve been charging your phone for over an hour and it has only moved by 20%.
Charge slower. Ugh!
5. When they take light when your phone is only at 50%.
I don’t deserve this.
6. When there has been light for 3 hours so you were not charging your phone, then you plug it in and they take light.
Must you show yourselves?
7. When your phone is at 1% and you run to the charger and plug it in and it jumps to 17%.
What is doing this one?
8. When you give someone your phone for a minute and when they give it back your battery is half gone.
Did you drink it?
9. When you plug the phone to your laptop to charge and it shows “USB Device Not Recognized”.
I’m not even asking you to recognize it, just charge the damn phone!
10. Your new best friend:
The phone cannot die oh!
11. When your phone is almost going off and your friend says, “I have a charger”.
YASSS!!!
12. When you check your bag and realize you left your charger at home.
Crien.
13. When you have like 15 apps running at the same time and your battery is just looking at you like:
Continue.
14. When someone sends you a video link to watch on low battery and no light. Battery:
Stop it!
15. Your battery when you go on social media for 15 minutes.
Is this life?
16. And to all those that insist that listening to music doesn’t stress your battery.
What do you know?!
17. When someone tells you to increase the brightness of your phone.
Is it ya battery?
1. When it’s time for Maths and you’re just there trying not to cry.
Again today…
2. When your Maths teacher enters the class and suddenly says “tear a sheet of paper”.
I don’t unsten.
3. When the teacher for the subject after Maths, gives his period to your Maths teacher.
Whyyyyyyyy?!
4. When you tell your teacher to re-explain and he asks “what part don’t you understand?”
From the beginning.
5. When you ask your classmate to explain a formula to you and he starts with “It’s very simple now”.
So are you going to explain or not?
6. Your brain when Maths suddenly changes from 1+1 = 2 to dy/dx.
Too fast plis.
7. When you cannot even figure out basic Maths, but some people are taking Further Mathematics.
Oversabi
8. When the example is always like 500 times easier than the classwork and a million times easier than the exam.
Jisos!
9. When everyone else is using the four figure table and you’re just looking around like:
Help me Jesus!
10. You when the exam timetable showed Maths as the first subject.
I’m not crying.
11. You trying to cram as many formulas as possible before the exam.
My brain. It hurts.
12. When you see the first question in the exam hall.
Is this fair?
13. When the exam is even multiple choice but your own answer still doesn’t agree with the options.
Kuku kill me.
14. Your relationship with Jesus during Maths exams:
The way, the truth and the life.
15. When you finish a test and all your friends are arguing about whether the answer was 17 or 20 but your answer was -6.
My God!
16. When your results come out and you see you failed Maths.
As expected.
17. When your parents ask why you failed mathematics.
Also I’m pretty.
18. When the teacher says you cannot use your calculator in a Maths test.
It’s a MATHS test!!! One calculator is not even enough.
19. When you were sure your Maths teacher hated you because he always picked you to solve the hard questions.
Why are you asking me? Did I raise my hand?
20. But you always finish your tests first, because you cannot write what you do not understand.
Ordinary failure.
21. When you see people putting Maths on their JAMB form.
Na you oh!
22. When you finally graduate and you’ve still not applied surds in real life.
God will punish you.
1. How people act when you tell them you live in Ijebu Ode.
Ah pele oh! You thought Lagos was the only place in the world?
2. When you hear that there’s finally a cinema in Ijebu Ode.
Ah finally! I still can’t believe they gave Akure before us.
3. When you get to the cinema and they’re still showing movies from last year.
What a disappoint!
4. When Chicken Republic and Tantalizers came to Ijebu Ode but Mosun Cafe managed to chase them away.
KFC will not even bother. There’s sha still Mr Biggs.
5. When you were happy when Savoury opened but then you heard their prices.
Ejo e koshi lo. Mosun Cafe will still chase you away.
6. Mosun Cafe on a Sunday.
Before all the chicken will finish.
7. When you want to go to the mall and you have to make the 45 minute drive to Ibadan.
Ah nawa.
8. When you’re trying go somewhere within town and the keke guy calls 100 naira.
Better behave!
9. When you realize that Ijebu Ode is almost as crowded as Lagos.
No seriously, there’s no house for you to rent.
10. How you look at Lagos people with their banned okada.
Ntoi!
11. When the bike man asks where in Erunwon and you say “around Ilese..”
Get out!
12. When people that live in Ijebu Mushin and Ijebu Itele also say they live in Ijebu Ode.
Please it’s not the same place.
13. When policemen try to stop you and they’re not holding guns.
When there’s no traffic?
14. Ijebu Ode banks and closing early.
Since armed robbers won’t leave them alone.
15. You waiting on an ATM queue in Ijebu Ode.
It’s never short.
16. When you get back from New Market and you start telling your mom the prices.
“They scammed you.” Yup. They will always scam you.
17. When you see a masquerade in Ijebu.
Bruh, better hide. Those people can flog you.
18. When someone says Ijebu Ode is local.
We’ll still take all your Lagos jobs. Shut up.
19. When an original Ijebu person cooks you that fire Ikokore.
YASSSS!
1. Who belongs in the kitchen?
A woman belongs in the kitchen. A man belongs in the kitchen. Everybody belongs in the kitchen. It’s where the food is. If you’re hungry, go and get it!
2. Who should make more money?
Why do you guys think the man should earn more? Why is it wrong if the woman earns more? Did she do it on purpose? Like “Oh I must earn more than my husband”? If your wife earns more, please be happy and supportive. It’s more money for the family.
3. Who pays on a date?
I can’t believe we’re still having this discussion. We had it before! But here:
If you set a date up with someone who would otherwise be undisturbed in their house – and not spending money – you better be paying. It’s just courtesy.
4. Who provides money for upkeep in the family?
Do you both work? Yes? Then you both contribute what you can! If one of you doesn’t work, then the worker provides the money.
5. Who stays home with the kids?
*rolls eyes* First of all, the solution to this is easy. Who conceived the kids? Both of you, no? So just work out a schedule that works for you both. That’s actually not hard. If the kids’ school is nearer the husband’s office, should the wife still drive all the way? Does that make sense?
6. When you invite someone out, and they bring their friends, should you pay for the friends too?
NO.
7. When a guy and a girl or a group of people organize a hangout, who pays?
Split. The. Bill.
8. When you invite someone to come over, who pays for the cab?
If someone tells you to come over and you cannot afford it, say no. If you say yes, your transport is kind of your responsibility. No one sent you?!
9. On Valentine’s day, who buys a gift?
Valentine’s day is a day to show love. If you love your partner – and you have money – buy them a gift. All people need gifts.
10. Who should say ‘I love you’ first?
If you feel that your partner is not a demon and you arrive at this love crossroads first, by all means say it. It’s not a gender assigned duty by God.
11. Who decides when it’s time to get married?
See, before your partner goes and marries someone else while you people are still dating, you should discuss marriage. A LOT. So when it’s time, invariably, you would have decided together.
So stop fighting yourselves and let’s all get along.
Honestly though, I can tell you guys, the people here have become like family. Yes, that’s what I said. We are one big, we-see-once-a-day family.
When I first started passing through Yaba, I was scared of everyone. I mean everybody.
Even the passengers.
But it’s been one year, and we have all grown close.
I’m not even joking.
Now, when I step down at the bus stop, I start looking for my familiar people.
Where you at?
When my favorite “aunty correct Jeans” guy , Shaggy steps to me.
I’m not buying jeans, but it’s still nice to get asked.
Ifeanyi, the curtain guy comes over to say hi and maybe convince me to buy curtains.
This is our thing now.
When I’m looking for the right bus, someone that ‘works’ there always helps me find one.
This is better than I can put into words.
When all the Obalende buses are 150, my connect sometimes swings the price down to 100 naira.
I know people! I’m connected!!
How I be with my favorite conductor.
And my favorite seat on any bus he’s conducting that day.
I feel so torn when my favourite conductor doesn’t want to pay my favorite Local government guy. As in, they’re both my friends.
Guys, can’t we all just get along?!
And it’s over so soon, because the bus starts moving.
But there’s tomorrow again.
But honestly, all these people actually make my day slightly better and what is life without a little flavour?
