It’s January AKA the month when more 9-5ers than usual quit their jobs because they’re ringing in the new year with a new branch of capitalism job.
This affects you as a co-worker because you’re stuck doing their work till your employer finds a replacement, if they ever do. Plan ahead by recognising these signs.
They’re unnecessarily hyper for January
TBH, the only way someone can be excited about returning to work after the holidays is if they have something exciting to look forward to. In this case, a better job. Look at that overly excited colleague with new eyes today.
They complain less
Suddenly, they no longer join you to gossip about your annoying boss and work wahala. It means they’re already one leg out. Be alert.
You start seeing them on social media
Everyone and their grandmother knows one of the first rules of the co-worker code is to block your co-workers on social media so you can rant about them in peace. Once you start seeing them on social media, it means they no longer see you as a threat AKA you’re no longer a co-worker.
Their social media posts are sus
They start dropping posts like, “Excited about what the next few months hold”. Do you really need another clue?
They ask about payslips
Who cares about tax deductions and all that math if it’s not that some other HR officer is asking for it so they can decide their benefits?
They miss meetings
Why would they care about meetings when the only thing on their mind is how to start orientation at their new company?
They go on leave or suddenly become sick
They want to enjoy as much time off as possible before resuming at their new job. If you doubt me, ask yourself how many people resign immediately after returning from leave, and you have your answer.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
What’s your earliest memory of money?
I always had home-cooked food for lunch throughout primary and secondary school, while my friends would get money to buy snacks or whatever they wanted. I grew up in a middle-class family, but I didn’t have direct access to money. It was like something only the adults in my family could have.
How “middle-class” was your family?
My dad worked in a bank, and my mum worked in an airline company, so the money was good. My mum had access to discounted tickets, so we flew for international holidays at least once yearly. We had three cars and lived in a ₦1m/month rented apartment. Our neighbourhood in Lagos Mainland was quite mixed; there were really comfortable people and people struggling to make ends meet. I think this mixed upbringing is why I don’t want obscene wealth today. I just want to be comfortable.
My dad operated on the same values. He was an auditor, so he constantly drilled the “never steal money” lesson in me and my siblings’ heads. Even at work, he was a very “play by the rules” kind of person, which earned him some enemies. He lost his job to rightsizing in 2011 when I was in SS 2. My mum had quit her job a year earlier to focus on becoming an entrepreneur, so my dad losing his job changed some things at home.
What were some of these changes?
My dad’s work at the bank gave my mum access to loans for her business. She imported clothes from Turkey to sell at a mark-up. The loans allowed her to go on the trips and stock her three shops. Without his job, there were no more loans, so she had to downscale the business.
Our international holiday trips stopped, and there were no more random Chinese restaurant trips. We also never renewed our Ikoyi Club membership. Thankfully, my dad used the settlement he got from the bank to purchase a house in 2012, so we didn’t have to bother about rent. At some point, my dad did some consulting, but nothing steady.
Do you remember the first thing you did to earn money?
I got into the university to study pharmacy in 2013, and in my five years there, the only time I ever worked for money was during industrial training in my third year. The company paid me ₦15k after working for six weeks. I also got a ₦50k endowment allowance — given to first-class students — from school in my third and fourth years.
I just wasn’t someone to carry work on my head. It helped that I schooled in Lagos, so I could always go home when I exhausted the ₦4k – ₦5k weekly allowance my parents gave me. It was around this time I realised that money can control you. I couldn’t break away from my parents because they were my primary source of money.
After my project defence in December 2018, I started seeking to earn my own money. A school strike delayed my graduation and induction, but I eventually got a locum pharmacist job in March 2019 for ₦50k/month — ₦47k after deductions.
What were your expenses like?
Transportation and food took all the money. I also occasionally contributed to expenses at home.
I was still at the job when the induction ceremony for graduating pharmacy students finally happened in May 2019. The compulsory one-year internship for pharmacists came after. At first, I didn’t want to intern at a community pharmacy because they don’t pay well, so I targeted a hospital or government agency.
However, my search was unsuccessful, so I settled for a ₦90k/month internship at a community pharmacy in December 2019. After a month, a teaching hospital finally reached out to me, and I jumped at the ₦126k/month offer.
A significant increase
COVID made it even more significant. I don’t want the pandemic to return o, but I wouldn’t mind if we had something lockdown-ish again. It came with an increased hazard allowance for health workers, so I got an extra ₦30k for two months, and ₦50k in the third month.
Although I didn’t get paid in the first month due to the normal government bureaucracy, I was paid two months’ salary in March.
So you were balling?
I was, but I also spent most of what I earned paying back loans.
What loans?
I first discovered mobile loan apps on social media while doing the ₦50k locum job. It started with just needing small change to sort something out before my salary dropped, but the interest rates are crazy, and you find that you’re paying back up to ₦12k on a ₦7k loan. When salary drops, you realise you need to top up because the repayment has eaten into your budget. It’s a vicious cycle that followed me into the internship.
When the double alert came, I paid off outstanding loans and took another one with a phone retailer that allows you to buy in installments. I got a Samsung phone that cost ₦160k and paid ₦80k outright. The balance summed up to ₦120k, including interest, which I paid off over a couple of months. At that point, I was using a third of my salary to service the loans.
Some of my money also went to my dad. He occasionally took ₦20k or ₦50k loans from me but never paid back. I also saved a bit, and by the end of 2020, I had close to ₦200k in savings.
What happened after the internship ended?
NYSC. Most medical professionals can relate to it being a period of uncertainty because you go from earning a good salary to a mere ₦33k/month stipend. I decided to use my savings to get a laptop, learn some tech skills to increase my earning potential and possibly get a side gig.
I went to Ikeja to purchase said laptop, but then, I got robbed of my phone on the way. Thankfully, the thieves couldn’t access the account that had my savings. But the experience scattered my plans. I had to spend two weeks navigating the NIN process to retrieve my sim, abandoning the side gig plans.
NYSC posted me to a state in southern Nigeria in 2021, where I moved in with a fellow corps member. My half of the rent and other bills was about ₦110k for the year. My PPA was a general hospital that didn’t pay anything extra, so I hardly showed up. I relied on NYSC’s stipend and the occasional allowance from home.
I also continued taking loans — I must’ve taken up to ₦100k in loans during my service year.
Did you try to do anything else for money?
I got another locum pharmacist job two months into my service year in June 2021. Someone I met at CDS introduced me to this community pharmacy that paid ₦57k/month. It’s still one of my favourite locum experiences so far. My boss had no issues and even increased my salary in November to ₦76k/month. He also gave me an extra ₦70k Christmas bonus.
I’m not sure how I managed it, but even with the added income, I wasn’t free from the loan cycle. I hardly went out and didn’t spend so much on transportation or clothes. I randomly shopped online and had some black tax expenses, but it shouldn’t have been enough to keep me in my constant borrowing cycle.
But I was still in the vicious cycle set in motion from my very first loan.
I finished NYSC in February 2022 and considered staying back in the state I served. The original plan was to request to be converted into a full-time staff at the pharmacy, but then, I landed a temporary position at a public health organisation in the state. Temporary because they worked with donor funds and could only guarantee me a job while they still had funds.
How much did the job pay?
₦209k/month. It was also a break from working long hours almost every day at the community pharmacy. My major expense was black tax from my younger sister. I got into a relationship too, but I only spent on my girlfriend when we went out on dates at least once a month or when I more frequently stopped by her workplace with food.
In March, I moved out of my NYSC apartment into a two-bedroom with a roommate. My half of the rent was ₦275k, which I didn’t have at the time, so I took a ₦100k loan from a loan app and another ₦101k loan from my roommate.
The donor funds at my job expired in July. I was unemployed until September when I got a one-week gig at an NGO that paid ₦209k — the standard pay for my role in the NGO industry. In November 2022, the public health organisation that ran on donor funds (my former job) called me back, and I resumed my ₦209k/month role. During the months of unemployment, I took on academic writing gigs for UK master’s students who were doing work-study programs. I had a friend who hooked me up, and I’d get ₦15k or ₦20k gigs once in a while.
I also took occasional loans from my roommate and girlfriend. She didn’t know about my loan apps problem, though.
Were you ashamed of it?
I definitely wasn’t proud of it.
Before I got my job back in November, a loan company called my dad after I defaulted on a payment. I’m still grateful he didn’t tell anyone else, or it’d have been a whole family meeting. He called me to ask what was happening, and I lied that I took the loan when I lost my phone, and that I’d settle it. That call was the drive I needed to sit up and stop the loan cycle once and for all. I couldn’t be in debt forever. I wasn’t saving, investing or doing anything worthwhile, and that wasn’t the life I wanted.
I decided to focus on taking my job even more seriously. I knew unemployment could take me back down the loan route, so I wanted to be indispensable at work, donor funds or not. I also continued taking the freelancing gigs, and in a good month, it brought an additional ₦50k.
In March 2023, I finally landed my first permanent public health pharmacist role at an NGO. It paid ₦500k/month during the six-month confirmation period. They now pay me ₦450k/month.
The pay reduced?
Confirmation meant they had to start removing tax and other compulsory stuff. I’m terrible at keeping track of deductions. I just know the company pays for my pension and health insurance charges.
The job was also in a different state, so I had to move and get a new laptop. I took a final ₦400k loan from an app to do this, and I just finished repaying it in November. I was comfortable taking this loan because I knew my salary could cover it.
My salary is also not the only way to make money at my job.
Tell me more
Work trips are where the money is at. They assign you to a secondary location for a couple of days and pay a per diem — an allowance for the trip. This blew my mind. You mean, you’ll foot transportation costs, lodge me in a hotel with complimentary breakfast AND still pay me daily because of the stress of the trip? Wonderful. The trips never go beyond a week, but it adds an extra ₦20k – ₦180k to my income at the end of the month.
What do you spend this money on?
I live in a dead town, which says a lot coming from an introverted person. So, I like to pop into Lagos once in a while, like an IJGB, to have a good time. I’ve been to Lagos thrice this year, and I spent around ₦30k – ₦70k on each trip. I also send around ₦60k monthly to my parents to help out with my dad’s medication and support the income. Then there’s the random money I send to my siblings.
What do these expenses look like in a good month?
I mentioned I just finished repaying a ₦400k loan. That took ₦120k out of my income every month, but that’s done now. I don’t put an amount to feeding because I just feed myself based on what I have left. My rent is ₦250k yearly, which is half my monthly income, so I figure I don’t have to actively save monthly for it.
Sometimes, I save more when I get more money from work trips. I currently have $750 saved in a fintech app, and I hope to cross the $1k threshold by January 2024. I’m worried my parents could have a hospital emergency at any time, and I want to be ready. I also want to japa one day, but I don’t have a particular route yet, so I want to have the money down first.
What’s your relationship with money like now?
I used to be quite impulsive with spending because my mentality was, “Another one will come eventually”. But that’s how the loan addiction started. Now, I make sure to save something immediately my salary comes in. Since I was repaying a loan up until November 2023, I’ve only saved ₦50k constantly monthly since I got my job in March. I hope to increase that now that I’m debt-free.
Do you ever feel tempted to take another loan?
I literally just opened a microfinance bank app today, and they offered me a ₦1.4m loan. I considered taking it and investing in a business until my brain told me to calm the hell down. The fact that I can take the loan doesn’t mean I should do it.
I think I understand I have the tendency to make stupid money decisions, but I choose to protect my mental health now. Why do something and get depressed about it when I can actually choose NOT to do it?
That’s fair. Do you have an ideal monthly salary?
I just want to earn at least ₦1m/month. I don’t have any entrepreneurial blood in me, and I think that’s a decent amount to suffice for me waking up every day to do a 9-5. I’m trying to psych myself up to get public health, logistics and supply chain certifications in 2024 to help my future japa plans and increase my earning potential.
I don’t want to be obscenely rich, though. People with crazy amounts of money have to do unethical things to get there, and I can’t do that. I’d rather take a smaller payday.
Have you considered what these certifications would cost?
I have, and they’re quite expensive. One costs as much as $2k. I’m hoping to get grants from my job, but before then, I’ll probably take advantage of as many free and less expensive courses as I can to gather knowledge. I just need guidance and strength to push through with these plans and not get discouraged along the way.
How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1 – 10?
This is one of my favourite Naira Life questions. I’ll rate it a 7.5. I could be better, but I’m happy, and I can deal with what I have now.
If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.
We suggest you find a new job before you start the fights.
For a country that still has its minimum wage at ₦30k in 2023, many 9-5ers in Nigeria must be used to their salaries not matching the level of work they put in at their job.
But how does it feel to realise you’re earning far less than your colleagues in the same workplace, and how do you handle it? These young professionals share their experiences.
“I threatened to leave… and they fixed up”
— Funmi*, 24, Content marketer
In 2022, a recruitment agency hired me as a content marketing intern with a ₦40k salary. It was low, but I figured I was just an intern and wouldn’t do much. I was wrong. It turned out the content marketer I was supposed to intern with had already put in his notice. So two weeks after I resumed, I worked as the content marketer while I was still an intern on paper.
I handled email marketing, social media management, video production, script writing and even helped recruit for the different companies we serviced. I did all that for four months without complaining because I was “going above and beyond”. But I somehow stumbled on the former content marketer’s payslip one day and saw that they paid him ₦90k. More than double my salary, and I was doing even more work than he did.
I emailed the MD explaining that I wasn’t being compensated enough (they didn’t know I saw the payslip) and said I’d like to put in a two-month notice. They called me immediately, and we talked through it. They increased my salary to ₦95k and officially updated my title to content marketer.
“I asked for a raise and never got it”
Jonah*, 29, Lawyer
My first job was with this legal firm in 2015, and my salary was ₦50k. The work was crazy. I worked all week, including Saturdays. I also had to go to court almost on a daily basis and provide legal drafts. On top of that, they always delayed salary by at least two weeks.
During one of those salary delays, I was complaining about it to a colleague, and she went, “They’ll still hold someone’s money on top of the ₦70k they’re paying”. I was confused and asked more questions about the salary. This colleague and I were hired on the same day, yet they were paying her ₦20k more.
I spoke to my bosses and noted that I was the lowest-paid lawyer there, without mentioning where I got the information. They promised to give me a raise after three months, but it never happened till I left them two years later.
“I just looked for another job”
— Regina*, 23, Social media manager
I got a job managing the three social media accounts of a lifestyle coach in 2021, and my salary was ₦60k. She paid for my internet subscription, but I almost always had to buy more data to supplement it. She was aware of this but didn’t increase the data allowance.
During an appraisal call six months into working with her, she mentioned that she was actually willing to pay me ₦100k when she first hired me, but I didn’t “defend my value”. She expected me to take it as a lesson to always negotiate my salary and not just accept the first amount the recruiter offers. It was funny because this same woman refused to add ₦10k for a higher data plan. I just took her advice and looked for another job.
I got my current job in 2022, and I was so excited about the salary (it’s double my previous salary) that I didn’t even think about negotiating.
A couple of months back, I realised I could’ve gotten more. The budget for the role was three times what I was offered. I guess it’s not their fault I didn’t ask for more, but I can now see why the budget was so high. The workload is a lot, and when I first got in, I was working round the clock. Now, I’ve stopped overdoing. If I’m unable to complete a task, I move it to the next day. But I don’t know if I’ll bring up the possibility of a salary review anytime soon because they use “outstanding performance” as a yardstick for salary increases.
“There was nothing I could do”
— Idowu, 27, Writer
I worked with a book publisher for about six months in 2019, and I only got paid twice during that time.
I did a whole lot for the ₦50k that was supposed to be my monthly salary. I was a ghostwriter, editor and ebook designer for about four authors. The editor-in-chief kept blaming the unpaid salaries on delayed client payments. When they missed payments the fourth time, I decided to start working from home because I could no longer afford the transport fare. That was when I found out my colleague was making ₦10k extra, even though we were doing the same thing. There was nothing I could do, so I just kept working from home.
They eventually laid us off, citing financial challenges. They promised to pay their debt when they got money. I’m still waiting.
“I’m hoping for a raise”
— Yinka*, 26, Executive assistant
My official job description says “executive assistant,” but in reality, I’m a content creator, social media manager, customer service agent, travel agent, email marketer, photographer and whatever else my CEO decides he wants me to do.
I got this job three years ago, and my salary is still the same: ₦80k. It’s nothing compared to how much money this company makes. My boss goes on holiday every market day, yet I only earn ₦20k more than the office cleaner. I’ve suggested a raise to my boss, and I’m hoping it comes soon. I’m also on the lookout for better opportunities, but I haven’t seen any yet.
*Some names have been changed to protect their identity.
It’s not news that our politicians and the federal government have joined hands together to further stress our lives with crazy-high living costs, naira devaluation and the threat of food shortage. As if that weren’t enough, Daddy Tesla tried to put us in Twitter jail.
Do you want my life?
The point is, these are trying times, and we all need extra motivation, especially 9-5ers. If you’re an employer thinking of using free lunch or mental health seminars to support your staff during this period, please stop it. Here’s how we really want to be supported.
Remote and hybrid work options
The new fuel prices mean transportation costs aren’t smiling. If the employee can do the work at home, please let them. It’ll also save the amount of money spent on electricity and Wi-Fi at the office. A win-win.
Hardship allowance
No matter how small the amount, it’ll show that you’re not like Nigerian politicians and you actually relate to your employees’ struggles.
Employee loans
There’s no money on ground, and offering loans may be what saves your employees from Nigeria-induced sapa. It doesn’t even have to be a huge amount. Loaning employees a couple of months’ salary won’t crash the business, and you can recover it through salaries.
Surveys that actually help
Another option is asking the employees how they’d like to be supported and trying to implement the feedback.
Salary increase
Your revenue and profits are probably not that great either, but if possible, increase salaries to help cushion the effects of these times. No one says no to more money.
Can that meeting be an email?
Remember what I said about fuel? There’s really no need to call a team-wide meeting if it could just be an email. Help us reduce charging time, biko.
Talk about it
Whatever you do to support your staff, carrying them along is important. Knowing they’re not alone in these struggles could do wonders for motivation.
Who is an idan? A streetwise person who hustles hard and plays harder. An idan answers to no one.
But how can you be your true idan self at work when bosses and colleagues expect you to bow to capitalism? That’s where we come in. Think of it as an idan code, but for the workplace.
An idan never does office politics
Who has the time to engage in eye service? Definitely not an idan. They move in silence and still get shit done. You’ll never catch an idan sending emails at 4 a.m. or picking calls after work hours. For an idan, 9-5 is 9-5.
Deadline fears idan, not the other way around
If the deadline can’t shift to accommodate an idan, that’s the deadline’s cup of tea. Punching above their weight? The only punching an idan does is on the buttons of an ATM or the occasional bus conductor who wants to see crazy.
Extra work? An idan will never be there
The only extra an idan subscribes to is extra salary. They don’t even understand the meaning of unpaid overtime. The idan even chooses to accept paid overtime if they feel like it.
An idan never makes their business known
The idan might have a whole ass family and grandchildren, but coworkers will never know. The only glimpse into their personal life you’ll ever know is their surname.
But the idan doesn’t hide their side hustle
Just so you know they have a choice. They aren’t tied to capitalism, so if you people do anyhow, you can hold your job.
You want to call an idan to an impromptu meeting? Or you have the bright idea to call them on Slack or Teams without prior notice? It’s like you’ll do the meeting with yourself.
An idan is never fired, they resign
Send an idan a termination letter, and they’ll reply with a letter of resignation.
Passive aggression? Not the idan way
The idan doesn’t need to hide their mouth. They’ll say what they want with their full chest and leave you to do your worst.
An idan selects the work they’ll do
The correct way to address an idan is, “Do you think you can work on this project?” and not, “I want you to work on this project.” Let’s be guided.
It’s about a week to Easter, and while 9-5ers everywhere are whispering a collective thank you to the god of public holidays, I’m wondering, “Why do we have to wait four months for a public holiday?”
Well, I’m here to preach the gospel of monthly public holidays to boost productivity, and these seven reasons will convince you too.
We see too much shege
Nigerians living in Nigeria are exposed to a unique brand of shege every month. If it’s not electricity issues, it’s using more money to buy your own money, or chopping disgrace at the hands of Nigerian banks. The point is, we don’t just go through a lot, we’re always in a lot. How can we get any work done when our heads are always hot?
We’ll need more money
More public holidays equal more time and money spent on fun, outside activities. We’ll go broke faster and need to work even more to get more money to spend again. Vicious cycle, but at least, it works for capitalism.
Less time spent dreaming of public holidays
Listen, every 9-5er dreams about the next public holiday, at least once every week, and that translates to precious man hours wasted. If we knew the next holiday was coming soon, we wouldn’t dream about it too much.
Weekends are a joke
How does working for five days and “resting” for two make sense to anyone? It’s giving slavery, and our ancestors already went through that. Plus, no one actually gets to rest fully on the weekends. If you want us to work, allow us to recharge properly.
We’d tell fewer lies
Not that I have any experience in this, but some people take “sick” leave just to stay away from work for a bit. If we had more holidays, we’d spend less time looking for creative lies to tell just to rest.
We might actually look forward to working
Who knows, maybe knowing a holiday is just around the corner is the push some of us need to do more than open two emails every day.
Even generators need servicing
You wouldn’t leave your generator on for three months without stopping to service it, would you? Then, why do it to human beings? Is it a crime to be an adult in this country?
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Cover letters are so 2018. No one likes writing them, and do recruiters even read them?
Anyone can say cool things about themselves in a cover letter, but you see these eight alternatives? They’re infinitely better at showing whether you have the skills needed for any job.
Twitter profile
One good thing to come out of the 2023 elections is that most people now wear their foolishness and bigotry as a badge. No need for background checks when a quick Twitter sweep can show if someone has sense or not.
A Nigerian mother’s approval
It’s impossible to please Nigerian mothers, so if she ever approves anyone, you bet it’s because they put the “work” in “hard work”. What else do you even need to know?
NIN slip
They went through the seven gates of hell to register for NIN, and that’s the definition of working well under pressure. The NIN itself proves they’re Nigerian, and they’re still (kinda) alive. Which also means they can survive the most fucked up situation ever.
Name of internet service provider
If they use Glo, they’re obviously very stubborn and have a suffering kink. This means they’ll stubbornly pursue their goals and KPIs come rain or shine.
Good birth report from a midwife
To prove that they are easy to work with by nature. Do you know what it means to not stress your mum or the hospital personnel during delivery?
Proof of sanity
Especially if they’re Nigerians living in Lagos, or believe semo is “elite”.
Jointly signed statement from every ex
You don’t really know someone unless you date them. That’s why exes are the ultimate character witnesses. If they can’t commit to a relationship for more than three months, do you think they’ll spend up to six months in your company?
Screenshot of account balance
Studies from the Zikoko Bureau of Statistics have shown that sapa-inflicted people are more likely to treat their source of daily ₦2k with importance. People who have money can wake up and decide to ghost for a day just to sleep.
Everyone wants to sound agreeable, even when it’s not how they really feel. Even your most-used email sign-offs aren’t safe from the eye service drama.
But what do they say about you? Let’s get into it.
Yours sincerely
Grandma, is that you? Anyone who still ends emails with this is probably stuck in the middle ages AND is part of the WhatsApp group of people who believe any time rain falls on a sunny day, a lion is giving birth.
Best regards
You’re just working because you have a thing against living under the bridge. You’re also tired of capitalism, but you’ve gotten to the age when you’ve learnt to accept it as the necessary evil it is.
Regards
You think every meeting should’ve been an email, but when they become emails, you don’t reply unless you absolutely have to. I respect it.
Cheers
You lowkey don’t like your coworkers or even the idea of work, but you have to look alive for the culture. You also tend to exhibit Nigerian-parent “put it on my head” behaviour.
Thanks in advance
You’ve spent far too much time applying for jobs. It’s giving “I look forward to hearing from you”, but hey, your Nigerian mother would love that you’re so respectful at work.
Enjoy the rest of your day
You’re either a really nice person who genuinely cares about people, or you work in customer service, and you honestly don’t give a damn about anybody.
Best
You have zero patience. Your mantra is probably, “Try me and see”. Chances are you’re also a firstborn.
Please, accept the assurance of my highest regards
Are you contesting for a political post, or what’s happening here? I’ve only ever seen this sign-off in emails from government ministries. If you use it, I’m tempted to say you’re a corrupt detty liar.
[Your name]
It’s giving “main character”. Why waste time using sign-offs when they only need to know the name behind the greatness they just read?
They may deny it, but managers just love to give certain people almost all the work, as if they’re the only staff in the entire office. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s part of their job description or not.
If this is you and you’re sick of it, do these things to make sure your manager stops now.
Use jazz
Tell your babalawo to do an incantation that’ll erase your name from your boss’ memory every time they’re looking for someone to assign work to. The jazz has to be done well, if not they’ll also forget your name when it’s time for promotion.
Do a terrible job
Any time they give you work, do a terrible job. Do the opposite of what they ask, submit late, submit incomplete work, act like you didn’t get the assignment, etc. Eventually, they’ll get frustrated. You may get fired sha, so be ready for that too.
Quit
This may be the most efficient way to get your boss to forget about you. If you’re not an employee of the company, they can’t give you work.
Beg them to leave you alone
Be dramatic about it. Go down on your knees or roll on the floor and cry. They need to know how bad it is. Maybe then they’ll leave you alone.
Give them back their work
When they give you the work, tell them you need their help because you can’t understand it. Act confused until they do it themselves or assign it to someone else. Do this consistently, and they’ll stop thinking about you when it’s time to assign a task. Or they’ll see you as incompetent and fire you.
Air their life
When they text or call you for work, don’t answer. Air them every single time and say you didn’t see the call or message.
Remind them your colleague is less busy
Sometimes, they forget there are other employees in the company, so they need to be reminded. Tell them Chidozie has been pressing phone since morning while you’ve been doing ten million things.
Report them to your Nigerian mother
Nigerian mothers don’t like seeing their children stressed (except they’re the ones doing the stressing). If your mother finds out about your boss, she’d be quick to call and change it for them. They’ll never call your name again.
