Weddings | Page 2 of 3

Nigerian weddings are the best from the small chops to the outfits to the music, what’s not to love? Well, these ten things.
You’ll spend 4 hours in Lagos traffic trying to get to a wedding, you get there and they tell you food has finished.

Better bring out the small chops if you don’t want me to show my true colours
When your primary school friend’s sister’s cousin brings a bill for Aso-Ebi for her wedding

Where do I know you from, please?
When you get a wedding invitation for yet another Saturday you wanted to spend in your bed

Must you people marry sef?
When your friend brings the Aso-Ebi bill and it’s almost the same amount as your monthly salary

Are you trying to send me to an early grave
When after buying 50k Aso-Ebi the person serving small chops tries to walk past you

Do you think I’m here to play? Abi you thought the Aso-Ebi was free?
When they tell you that the wedding is strictly by invitation so you stroll in at 4 expecting to find a seat

It’s first come first serve my brother
How the bouncers block you if you make the mistake of coming without your invitation

Ahan it’s wedding now not Escape
When they tell you it’s a destination wedding after you’ve paid for the Aso-Ebi

Did I tell you I have money to go to Enugu, you want me to follow you to Seychelles??!!
When the couple tells you it’s just a small wedding so you keep it simple only for you to get to the wedding and it’s bigger than OLIC

So you people’s plan was to disgrace me
After buying Aso-Ebi and the souvenir doesn’t get to you

You people had better go and bring out my own bucket
While we are on the topic of weddings, do you think bride price is necessary?
1. The Food is INSANE!

FAM! I AM DROOLING!!!
2. The Dancing is LIT!

Konko Below!
Look at how much fun they’re having!
3. The Outfits are to DIE FOR!

So stylish!
4. The MCs are HILARIOUS!

Their job is to make sure your wedding is on point and they NEVER fail.
5. The Bridesmaids and Groomsmen are always dressed to SLAY!

6. Sometimes when there are white people there, you get to laugh at them as they try to mimic our cultural dances.

Work it Ladies!
It’s cute to watch them try. LOL
If you enjoyed this, read this next article that teaches you how to throw a proper Nigerian wedding.

The Complete Guide To Throwing a Nigerian Wedding
It’s no news that Nigerian mothers have wahala.

And when it comes to weddings, they are always extra-hyped!

Let’s just bless you with this woman dancing at her son’s wedding.

https://twitter.com/asherstuta/status/805762149519945728

This woman can dab better than you, though!

Shout out to all Nigerian mothers everywhere! You guys are the best!
1. When you clock 20 years and your relatives start asking of ‘your husband’

Which husband did you give me, please?
2. When everyone in your squad suddenly decides to get married

I thought we were in this together.
3. How your mom gives you side-eye when your friends bring their aso-ebi

“What are you still dong with your life?”
4. You, when your younger cousins now want to get married too

You people are not playing with this marriage thing sha.
5. You and all the people in your squad that are not planning to get married yet:

Just me!
6. When you go to a wedding and you see your uncles and aunties coming

Let them not bring their wahala here.
7. How your mom does night vigil for you everyday

“I cast and bind every spirit that is blocking my child’s marriage!”
8. When you now announce that you want to do your masters, your whole family is like

“Is it masters we asked you for?”
9. You, when nosy people ask ‘why aren’t you married yet?’

Mind your business!
10. You, when your friends arrange the hundredth blind date for you

What is all this nonsesnse?
11. When your mum starts talking about your ticking biological clock

Everything is now about ‘biological clock’!
12. When you do something wrong and your mom starts with ‘that’s why you’re not married’

Has it reached like that?
1. When the engagement ring makes a big dent in your wallet.

It’s for a good cause sha, I love her.
2. When your bride’s troublesome family members send one nonsense list for the traditional wedding.

Please come and carry your daughter oh! It’s not me you people will kill!
3. When the only wedding date all of your family members can agree on is the same day as premier league final.

If I say that is not convenient for me is that childish?
4. When your bride starts asking you about colours and shades as if it’s a do or die thing.

What the difference between fuschia and magenta now?
5. When aso ebi wahala starts, you’re like:

Someone please get me away from here!
6. When your mother and mother in law to be are arguing and expect you to get involved.

Better face yourselves.
7. When you realise pre marital counselling is compulsory if you want to marry in your wife’s mother’s church

See wahala!
8. When you see all the bills and your budget is looking like nothing but a dream.

Who started this wedding tradition sef?
9. When your groomsmen are MIA until its time for the bachelor party.

All these ones know is party!
10. When your friends want to put you inside trouble during your bachelor party on top “last night of freedom”

It’s not me that will die oh!
We all know Nigerians can be extra in everything. But when it comes to ALL things wedding, our extra is raised to the power of 100! Just look at:

And now, see this wedding proposal we came across.

https://twitter.com/DoyeAlba/status/800230247409053696

What’s all this one, please?

So what if the girl had been in an accident when she was running? Or worse, developed a heart attack and actually died?

If it were us ehn, the kind beating we go hammer him ehn, his head will reset sharply!

Would you like this sort of proposal, though? Guys, would you take a proposal this far?
1. When it’s a family wedding and your parents volunteer you for all these nonsense activities.

Who told you I want to be in charge of RSVP’s?
2. When you have to pay for aso ebi by force.

Especially if you don’t even like the couple like that!
3. When random family members start announcing “don’t worry it will soon be your turn”.

Thank you oh! Prophet of marriage!
4. When the caterers and waiters collude to frustrate you from getting the small chops and alcohol you deserve!

You people want all of us to be unfortunate here abi?
5. When the MC calls you out to catch the bouquet.

Is it by force? Or is there money inside?
6. When your ex is at the wedding and starts giving you “this could have been us but you’re an olodo” looks.

Better carry your eye from here please.
7. When the live band and DJ are competing and the whole place is just noisy.

You people please don’t burst my eardrums!
8. When you’re tired but the people you came with are still forming “I’m having fun” so you can’t leave.

Can’t you dance at home?
9. When people start introducing you to every Tom, Dick and Harry as though you are now a desperate person.

Please all of you should leave me alone!
10. When after all your dancing you don’t get sprayed up to 500 naira.

Is it because I’m not the person marrying?
1. When your friend starts crying over tablecloths and centrepieces.

Is this one normal?
2. When she chooses ugly bridesmaid dresses and expects you to pay for them.

Aunty you have lost your mind?
3. When she brings out diet and a menu for everyone months before her wedding.

What is all this one now?
4. When there is fight everyday in the bride and bridesmaids group chat.

Because of gown I am now being insulted!
5. When she tries to guilt trip you for not caring enough about her wedding.

Aunty bye bye please!
6. When she is fighting half of the vendors in Nigeria and expects you to help her sort it out.

No thank you. Fix your own mess.
7. When she starts using family members to harass you and your friends because of the wedding.

Association of wedding wahala!
8. When she thinks she can call you at any hour because everything is suddenly “urgent”.

This has now turned to a spiritual issue.
9. When you refuse to do something for her or are unable to, she looks at you like:

“You’re so selfish”.
10. When she starts dispensing relationship advice because she has a strong case of ‘I’m getting married syndrome’.

Keep quiet, please!
11. When the wedding is over and she comes back to her senses, you’re like:

God has finally brought her back to her senses!
12. But now another friend is planning her wedding so you are about to suffer all over again.

Stress!
These days, it appears couples are in a competition to have the most extra and oversabi wedding on earth, just check out these pre-wedding shoots and cakes.
1. It appears people have started losing their home-training o!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BKn6FI_D86m/
Their dance moves are not even fire.
2. This bride kuku turned her wedding into a Beyonce concert.

Na wa o! See how bored the groom looks.
3. These ones were just doing bad things up and down.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BKlbbtrDrRg/
Na wa!
4. This one is a club party o!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BJq-leijlOg/
See miming!
5. This couple that threw their home-training away.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BL0VC0AjJwo/
Hope their parents weren’t watching sha!
1. These ladies make blue look so delicious.

2. You won’t even care about the bride after seeing this.

3. The fitting is 10 over 10.

4. We are so here for these satellite gele styles!

5. These ones have stolen the bride’s show already.

6. Such a pretty colour.

7. They went all out with this one.

8. This concept is too on point, to be honest.

9. Pretty in wine.

10. Too much sauce.

11. Don’t you want to be a bridesmaid right now?

You’ll spend 4 hours in Lagos traffic trying to get to a wedding, you get there and they tell you food has finished.

When your primary school friend’s sister’s cousin brings a bill for Aso-Ebi for her wedding

When you get a wedding invitation for yet another Saturday you wanted to spend in your bed

When your friend brings the Aso-Ebi bill and it’s almost the same amount as your monthly salary

When after buying 50k Aso-Ebi the person serving small chops tries to walk past you

When they tell you that the wedding is strictly by invitation so you stroll in at 4 expecting to find a seat

How the bouncers block you if you make the mistake of coming without your invitation

When they tell you it’s a destination wedding after you’ve paid for the Aso-Ebi

When the couple tells you it’s just a small wedding so you keep it simple only for you to get to the wedding and it’s bigger than OLIC

After buying Aso-Ebi and the souvenir doesn’t get to you

While we are on the topic of weddings, do you think bride price is necessary?

1. The Food is INSANE!

2. The Dancing is LIT!

3. The Outfits are to DIE FOR!

4. The MCs are HILARIOUS!

5. The Bridesmaids and Groomsmen are always dressed to SLAY!

6. Sometimes when there are white people there, you get to laugh at them as they try to mimic our cultural dances.

If you enjoyed this, read this next article that teaches you how to throw a proper Nigerian wedding.

It’s no news that Nigerian mothers have wahala.

And when it comes to weddings, they are always extra-hyped!

Let’s just bless you with this woman dancing at her son’s wedding.

This woman can dab better than you, though!

1. When you clock 20 years and your relatives start asking of ‘your husband’

2. When everyone in your squad suddenly decides to get married

3. How your mom gives you side-eye when your friends bring their aso-ebi

4. You, when your younger cousins now want to get married too

5. You and all the people in your squad that are not planning to get married yet:

6. When you go to a wedding and you see your uncles and aunties coming

7. How your mom does night vigil for you everyday

8. When you now announce that you want to do your masters, your whole family is like

9. You, when nosy people ask ‘why aren’t you married yet?’

10. You, when your friends arrange the hundredth blind date for you

11. When your mum starts talking about your ticking biological clock

12. When you do something wrong and your mom starts with ‘that’s why you’re not married’

1. When the engagement ring makes a big dent in your wallet.

2. When your bride’s troublesome family members send one nonsense list for the traditional wedding.

3. When the only wedding date all of your family members can agree on is the same day as premier league final.

4. When your bride starts asking you about colours and shades as if it’s a do or die thing.

5. When aso ebi wahala starts, you’re like:

6. When your mother and mother in law to be are arguing and expect you to get involved.

7. When you realise pre marital counselling is compulsory if you want to marry in your wife’s mother’s church

8. When you see all the bills and your budget is looking like nothing but a dream.

9. When your groomsmen are MIA until its time for the bachelor party.

10. When your friends want to put you inside trouble during your bachelor party on top “last night of freedom”

We all know Nigerians can be extra in everything. But when it comes to ALL things wedding, our extra is raised to the power of 100! Just look at:

And now, see this wedding proposal we came across.

What’s all this one, please?

So what if the girl had been in an accident when she was running? Or worse, developed a heart attack and actually died?

If it were us ehn, the kind beating we go hammer him ehn, his head will reset sharply!

1. When it’s a family wedding and your parents volunteer you for all these nonsense activities.

2. When you have to pay for aso ebi by force.

3. When random family members start announcing “don’t worry it will soon be your turn”.

4. When the caterers and waiters collude to frustrate you from getting the small chops and alcohol you deserve!

5. When the MC calls you out to catch the bouquet.

6. When your ex is at the wedding and starts giving you “this could have been us but you’re an olodo” looks.

7. When the live band and DJ are competing and the whole place is just noisy.

8. When you’re tired but the people you came with are still forming “I’m having fun” so you can’t leave.

9. When people start introducing you to every Tom, Dick and Harry as though you are now a desperate person.

10. When after all your dancing you don’t get sprayed up to 500 naira.

1. When your friend starts crying over tablecloths and centrepieces.

2. When she chooses ugly bridesmaid dresses and expects you to pay for them.

3. When she brings out diet and a menu for everyone months before her wedding.

4. When there is fight everyday in the bride and bridesmaids group chat.

5. When she tries to guilt trip you for not caring enough about her wedding.

6. When she is fighting half of the vendors in Nigeria and expects you to help her sort it out.

7. When she starts using family members to harass you and your friends because of the wedding.

8. When she thinks she can call you at any hour because everything is suddenly “urgent”.

9. When you refuse to do something for her or are unable to, she looks at you like:

10. When she starts dispensing relationship advice because she has a strong case of ‘I’m getting married syndrome’.

11. When the wedding is over and she comes back to her senses, you’re like:

12. But now another friend is planning her wedding so you are about to suffer all over again.

1. It appears people have started losing their home-training o!

2. This bride kuku turned her wedding into a Beyonce concert.

3. These ones were just doing bad things up and down.

4. This one is a club party o!

5. This couple that threw their home-training away.

1. These ladies make blue look so delicious.

2. You won’t even care about the bride after seeing this.

3. The fitting is 10 over 10.

4. We are so here for these satellite gele styles!