All relationships matter, even the ones that have you wondering if you’re together-together — because you people do relationship things, but they’ve not made it exclusive yet.
They might serve you numerous dishes of confusion, but they still deserve to get a little something for Valentine’s Day.
The hint
They’ve been taking up space in your heart and head for this long. It’s time they made things official, and if they need a little push or the biggest one ever, what are you if not kind and generous?
A new phone
They might want to post you and show you off, but their current cellular device and service provider won’t let them. Take the bull by the horn, and get them a new UK-used phone (you’re not Father Christmas, please) and a new sim card. If they don’t scream their love for you from the top of Oriental Hotel after this, then your case is more serious than we thought.
A watch
A clock could work, too. Just get them any time-telling device so they can see for themselves that they’re wasting your time.
An apple
We didn’t say an Apple device o. Go to the market, and buy them one apple. You’re the apple of their eye and they need to understand it.
Memories
Make a compilation video of all the times you made them laugh and smile, so they’ll see how happy they truly are with you and do the needful quickly.
A photo album
And put in pictures of yourself from when you were born till now. They need to know you’re a spec and if they don’t make their love known, someone else will sweep you off your feet and from their arms.
Dark chocolate
They’ll think you’re being romantic, but in reality, you’ve given them food to boost their brain so they can think wisely and see how you’re the only one for them.
Forget waxing lyrical in love letters, if you want your sweet and sappy words to send butterflies into the tummy of the LOYL, rom-com speak is where it’s at.
That’s why we combed through the most popular ones for rom-com quotes that’ll have your Valentine weak in the knees. The lines are obviously tested and trusted.
“I burn for you” Daphne, Bridgerton
It’s a simple, straight to the point confession that you’re willing to walk through hellfire for them.
“You’re perfect. Everything about you is perfect” — Isoken, Isoken
If you’re a person of few words, this line packs a punch. Simple, you only have eyes for them in this lifetime and the one beyond.
“Your love is like the wind. I can’t see it but I can feel it.” — Lola, A Million Tears
With this, they’ll know that after God, you’re the only one capable of giving them agape love.
Behold our Valentine Special. We brought back three couples we interviewed in 2019 to share how their relationships have evolved in the last five years. This is the first episode
“I’ve come here with no expectations, only to profess now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is, and always will be, yours.” — Mr Darcy, Pride and Prejudice
They shouldn’t have to be in doubt that your heart 100% belongs to them. This quote is just about showing proof.
“I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope and every dream I’ve ever had.” — Noah, The Notebook
In other words, there’s no you without them.
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“I would rather have had one breath of your hair, one kiss from your mouth, one touch of your hand, than eternity without it.” — Nicholas Cage, City of Angels
Another message that tells them life is a vast ocean of nothingness if you’re not the one setting their soul on fire.
“I’ll never let go, Jack. I’ll never let go.” — Rose, Titanic
Replace Jack with their name, and this message tells them that there’s no principality or weapon fashioned against y’all’s relationship that’ll prosper.
“I’m not a tree; I’m a forest.” — Aminu, The Men’s Club
This is a reminder that you have an endless supply of yourself to give to them.
“You jump, I jump.” — Rose, Titanic
You go where they go. Even to the afterlife…
“When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want that moment to start as soon as possible.” — Harry, When Harry Met Sally
It’s the perfect message to send when you suddenly realise they’re the missing puzzle in your life.
Are you single due to no fault of your own (village people) or due to a fault of your own (madness, bad behaviour, selfishness, gaslighting, girl bossing, gatekeeping, inability to be someone’s peace, inability to piss one place make e foam — i.e. cheating) and will therefore spend this Valentine’s day alone snarling at couples in real life and online out of intense levels of jealousy unseen since Cain killed Abel?
If your answer to all that was yes, here are five ways to change your miserable fate.
Go to therapy.
The reason you’ve been unable to get anyone to love you could be because you have issues that can only be solved with the help of a mental health professional. Use the 14 days you have left between the time this article is being written and Valentine’s Day to find a therapist (or two, depending on the severity of your issues) and get to work. You don’t have time to ease into it, so you should be ready to vomit all your trauma onto that therapist’s floor during your first session.
If you’re lucky, someone will notice that you’ve changed and pick — you, choose you, love — you to do “my view, their view” with this year.
Try church.
Churches are full of people trying to better themselves, so you’ll fit right in. Just be sure not to drop the problems you showed up with and leave with someone else’s. For example, say you’re there to shake off the spiritual spouse you didn’t know tethered itself to you the time you gave your celebrity crush gluck-gluck sloppy-toppy 3000 in a dream. Don’t leave there with another demon that has no interest in you or your genitals and just wants to cause chaos.
It’s time to shine your spiritual eye.
Do juju.
Don’t make that face, ok? Deep down, you always knew it would come to this. You’re gonna find a way to get a lock of hair from your crush and take it to a Babalawo so they can jazz the person into liking you back. Contrary to popular belief, Babalawos are no longer hard to find. Hell, half the time, they’ll do the hard work by seeking you out.
Hijack someone’s proposal.
People have gotten engaged so much since November last year that I wondered if the rapture was coming and single people would be left behind. My point is that it shouldn’t be hard to find a proposal taking place. Find one, threaten one of them at gunpoint to leave and never return. Then take their place. Simple. Use the gun to get the other person to stay with you until Valentine’s Day.
Join a throuple.
If using violence or juju isn’t your thing, find a relationship that’s already in full gear and convince them to take you in by reciting Nicki Minaj’s second verse in the song Hey Mama. If it’s good enough for the white gays, it’s good enough for you.
Contrary to what the internet will have you believe, you don’t have to break the bank before you can afford intentional and thoughtful gifts. We’ll help you figure out some ideas for the categories of people in your life.
Nine-to-fiver
If the recipient is a guy with a 9-5 corporate shirts, ties, shoes, belts, cufflinks, socks will do. For babes, work clothes, a pair of cute slippers, notepads or journals are intentional gifts. Every time they wear and use these things, they’ll think of you.
What a belt!
Content creator
If they create content, buy them studio props and decors and book an aesthetic studio for them to shoot their content.
You can also consider giving them a gimbal, phone vlog video kit, ring light, lapel mic, tripod, drone and 99 other equipment options.
Additionally, paying the subscriptions for the work apps they use like CapCut, PremierePro, Da Vinci Resolve e.t.c. is such an intentional move.
Entrepreneur
If you’re looking to excite an entrepreneur with gifts, acquire a business registration form from CAC to surprise them (if they don’t have it). You can also make their business logo, fliers, business card or pay for their business merch. Branding and sponsored ads are great gifts that’ll boost their business too. They’ll love it.
Reader
A Kindle book is to a reader what a laptop is to a tech-bro. It’s a wireless, electronic reading device with access to more than three million books. As the saying goes, a reader is a leader. Invest in making your loved one a better leader today.
Gym rat
Get them gym wear, running shoes, dumbbells, etc. For more privacy, set up a home gym. Now they can work out any time they like.
Additionally, leave a 12-month down payment at their favourite fruits store or seller to cover their fruit supplies. Do this and you and their smoothie will be their favourites.
Valentine’s Day is a few weeks away, and if you’re conflicted about the gifts that’ll have the recipient grinning from mouth to ear, we’ve got you covered. You won’t find a more comprehensive list.
Valentine’s Day Gifts for Men
Men can act like they don’t care, but trust us when we say these gift ideas for men will answer their many “God when?” questions.
An underwear set
Forget all the bashing on social media, men appreciate underwear. Just go the extra mile by getting the best quality and designer brands.
Hard currency
With a dollar selling for ₦1500 at the parallel market? See, that man will love you forever. You just made offsetting some of his bills easier.
Cook-a-storm
There’s something they say about men and the way to their hearts. If Hilda Baci cooked for 100 hours, double the number up and fill his refrigerator with all sorts of local and intercontinental delicacies.
A spa appointment
Nigerian men are seeing shege seven days of the week in Tinubu’s era. A fully paid spa session will show him how thoughtful you are.
A customized jersey
If he loves football, the only other way to his heart apart from food might be his club’s original jersey that comes with his name on it.
Valentine’s Day Gifts for Women
If you don’t know, Nigerian women are tired of plastic flowers and all the other low-effort gifts that show zero intentionality. Consider these Valentine’s gift ideas for women in Tinubu’s Nigeria and the flames of their love will burn hotter than an agbado grill.
A pasta date
Nigerian women love their pasta. Whether it’s creamy, bolognese, stir fry or village, just make sure pasta is on the restaurant menu as you plan to make that dinner reservation for two.
Hair
Nigerian women are tired of the long hours required at hair salons, hence the love for wigs. So, add another quality wig to her collection; she can never have too much of it.
A romantic getaway
Your woman deserves to see the world and who best to make it happen? It doesn’t even have to be Santorini or The Maldives, she’ll take a trip to Benin Republic or Ghana, as long as it’s well thought out.
Jewellery
When you think of jewellery as an investment option for your woman, you’ll be open to spending millions on their collection. And she’ll appreciate you for giving her a safety net. For starters, consider VanCleef.
A year’s worth supply of sanitary pad
Sanitary pads have joined the inflation race. For an essential need that needs to be replaced every month, you’ll be taking a huge burden off her finances.
Valentine’s Day Gift for Friends
We’ve already established that Valentine’s Day isn’t just about couples. Your platonic relationships should also enjoy some attention and there’s no better way than surprising your friends with a Valentine’s Day gift. If you’re conflicted on what to buy, these suggestions should get you started.
A photoshoot session
We need to normalize friends hitting the studio for professionally shot portraits. Not every time couples and birthday celebrants. Friends have memories that must be preserved too.
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A personalised hamper
Hampers don’t have to go out during the Christmas season alone. Curate a personalised hamper and include items that show you know your friends better than the lines on your palm.
Or a personalised photobook
After your family members and lover, you most likely have the most shared memories with your friends. Show them just how much these moments mean to you by documenting them in a photobook. They might cringe at first, but don’t worry, it’ll be one of those things they’ll cling to when japa comes between y’all.
A weekend getaway
A day or two to do batshit crazy things with friends? Yes, please. Tell them to pack their bags and join you in a short-let apartment you’ve paid for. It doesn’t necessarily have to happen on Valentine’s Day, especially if it falls on a work day. You could push for the weekend right after.
Valentine’s Day Gift for Family
So you want to make it an extra special celebration of love by including your family members? So sweet. Consider these Valentine’s Day gift ideas.
A family portrait
If y’all don’t already have one, now’s the perfect time to drag everybody to a studio. By everybody we mean the grandparents, the parents, siblings, grandkids and great-grandkids. Send a personal framed copy to all the adults on Valentine’s Day.
Family house makeover
If you and your siblings have moved out of your parent’s home, that place becomes your family house. Surprise your parents and siblings by giving the house a proper makeover that’ll make it a cute spot for when y’all are around.
Or a land to build one
Especially if your parents stay in a rented apartment. Join hands with your siblings and make it the family project that tightens the bond between y’all.
Personalised gift box
Imagine the joy you’ll spark in each of your family members when a dispatch rider calls them on Valentine’s Day to deliver the special box from you. You can go the extra mile by including a handwritten note in each box.
It’s a few weeks to Valentine’s Day and while the relationship people are prepping to steal the show again, it’s important to note that we’ve got fathers and sons, brothers and buddies, and a whole squad of men who deserve to celebrate their bromance on this day too.
I caught up with seven Nigerian men to hear their thoughts on being there for their fellow dudes on the iconic lovers’ day.
From the big bro who paid for his sibling’s cinema date to the dude planning to send an anonymous box to his heartbroken cousin, their stories will have you in varying degrees of “God when?”
Dewunmi *, 31
My elder brother would always buy gifts for my mum on Valentine’s Day. Started right when we were in secondary school. He’d save up his pocket money during the weeks leading up to the 14th. It was really cute. Fast forward to when he got into uni and got more pocket money, he started including me in his plans. He’d buy chocolates, perfumes or food for me and my mum on Valentine’s Day. It went on for some time until it just stopped. I mean, he still buys stuff for both of us, but he doesn’t put as much importance on Valentine’s Day anymore.
Jason*, 25
My cousin just got served breakfast, and I know he’s hurting even though he’s trying not to show it. He’d been with his ex for about three years, and I honestly thought he’d propose soon, but I guess life happens. I’ve watched him celebrate Valentine’s with her in the last three years, so I’ve just been wondering what the day will look like this year. Thankfully, it’s a work day and that might help him get his mind off things, but I also want to do something nice for him. I’m thinking dinner at one of these fancy spots on the Island, or I might just send him an anonymous gift box with a hidden love letter. LMAO.
Hassan*, 24
I have a WhatsApp group just to keep in touch with some of my friends and be there for each other. We’ve had a lot of wholesome conversations about toxic masculinity and how we should be able to do more for each other as bros. Last Valentine’s, we did a simple exercise in the group where we all sent voice notes saying nice things about each other. We plan to hang out this year sha, but if that’s not possible, we’ll send each other gifts.
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Deji*, 29
Our last born started dating in January 2023. Since then, I’ve always thought to myself “Where this boy dey see money to fund relationship?” But I assumed his girlfriend understood his finances before saying yes. A few weeks to Valentine’s in 2023, I noticed little man was constantly in a mood around the house. He was also coming up with the weirdest money requests for things he had to pay for in school. It didn’t take long to figure out that he was trying to fleece us. So, I confronted him and gave him a pep talk before asking what he needed money for. He then said he wanted to do something for his GF for Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t like I didn’t know; I just wanted him to be free enough to ask. Two days to Val’s Day, I sent him ₦15k for a cinema date. I’m guessing he’s saved up enough for this year, but I still plan to send ₦15k. He doesn’t know this sha.
Tunde*, 40
My birthday is February 14, and it has added some colour to how I approach the date. Growing up, I didn’t make a fuss about my birthday. I was the kid who wanted to stay indoors and enjoy all the good treats with my family. This changed when I got into uni. My friends found it a little too exciting that my birthday falls on Valentine’s Day, so they always made me do something. Even when I tell them I don’t have money, they’d readily contribute and make sure we celebrate. So the tradition sort of stayed with me from uni. Now, my friends know that if every other thing fails on February 14, they can always show up for whatever Tunde* is doing for his birthday. And that’s the main reason why I now anticipate the day. Lots of brotherly love to go around.
Dapo*, 30
My dad celebrates me and my brothers every Valentine’s Day. It’s one of those things he does that makes me want to be a great dad too. I remember him taking my mum, my siblings and me out every Valentine’s Day when we were young. When it fell on a weekday, we missed school. It took me a while to stop seeing February 14 as another public holiday. Now that we’re all older, and some of my siblings are married, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day as a family anymore. But one thing I know we’ll always get every February 14th is a text message from my dad saying how much he loves us.
Jerry*, 25
I moved in with my uncle after he lost his wife last year. His kids are abroad, so it’s only him in the house most of the time. I always get the sense that he feels lonely, especially during festive periods. He’s not the type that goes out a lot; he just stays in his study, reading books and newspapers. I wish I could take him out on Val’s Day, but it’s a work day and I’m not sure I’ll have the time. I’ll probably buy something nice for him. Would be nice for him to know someone cares.
Vendors have started to fill social media with their curated gift boxes, and that’s all the sign you need to know Valentine’s Day is around the corner.
We can debate why the death of one prehistoric saint means we have to finish all our money later. Today, let’s discuss how to draw the line between being a stingy lover and spending too much money as a 9-5er in Tinubu’s Nigeria. We got seven 9-5ers to weigh in.
Look at your salary
When you’re in love, you naturally want to go all out to put a smile on the face of your partner. But as a salary earner, that salary is supposed to take you till the next salary day. So, before you order that gift box, calculate how much you can comfortably spend without resorting to begging for food or trekking to work for the rest of the month. Then add a little extra for emergency expenses.
— Enoch, 29
Make a budget and compare it to your usual expenses
You should have a monthly budget, or something to track your expenses so you know how much you typically spend in a month.
Make a budget for that Valentine’s gift and then compare it to what you’d usually spend in a month. If it’s more than 70% higher than your normal monthly budget, consider revising your plan for something less expensive, preferably within 30% – 50%, depending on how generous you plan to be.
— Mariam, 32
Leave some wiggle room for inflation
A good perfume that cost ₦10k in 2023 might cost ₦15k now. It’s not you. It’s Nigeria. So even if you have a budget, keep in mind that you might end up spending a little extra. But try not to completely veer off your budget.
— Kevwe, 22
Plan early
Things become more expensive by the minute these days, and gifts tend to become even costlier around Valentine’s Day. It’s salary week, so it won’t hurt to start planning and making your purchases now.
— Omoh, 25
Are there cheaper alternatives?
Let’s assume you want to buy your babe a fake Van Cleef bracelet for ₦10k. Why not go to Yaba and buy the same bracelet for ₦5k? Both of them are fake, anyway.
Considering cheaper alternatives is like killing two birds with one stone. You create a memory and spend less while at it. Plus, cheap doesn’t mean tacky, so package it well.
— Charles, 36
Is the person even worth it?
Ask yourself: Am I and this person dating exclusively? Do they see me as a talking stage? Will the person even match my energy?
For me, how much I spend depends on how important the person is to me.
— Bayo, 26
Get creative with your gifting
Roses are great, but is it roses I will eat? Instead of spending ₦50k on that, consider creative practical gifts like food or fuel. The person might appreciate it more, and you’ll spend less. You can also gift joint experiences like an outdoor picnic, rather than dinner at an overpriced restaurant.
It might still be January, but these men have already set plans in motion to make Valentine’s Day special for their loved ones and significant others.
Demola*, 40
I’m not seeing anyone, so it’ll be my first Valentine’s Day single in a long while. But I’m excited because it’s my mum’s birthday. My siblings and I are planning a surprise. We’re very intentional about the party because we want it to be as memorable as it possibly can for her. We’ve reached out to some of her high school and uni mates, and she has no idea. We also have this cute photo wall with pictures from her childhood that we plan to install. I know I’m going to shed sweet tears on that day sha.
Biodun*, 45
My wife and I have not celebrated Valentine’s Day in a long time, with the pressure from work and raising the kids. It’s generally not easy to carve out time for ourselves. But this year, I want my wife to feel like the days when we started dating. We always made such a big deal of Val’s Day then. We’d wear similar outfits, go out with friends and go hard on gifts. Since our kids are old enough to stay with their grandparents now, we’ll spend two days at a nice hotel on the island. Just the two of us. I plan to drive her from work down to the place. She won’t suspect a thing until that day.
Toba* 33
I know I’ll want to do something that involves being at home. Might just order our favourite pizza and drinks, and chill in our living room. I’m still thinking the whole thing through, but I know food must be involved.
Gbotemi*, 31
I don’t have any ghen ghen thing planned. I want to write a handwritten love letter and put it in her bag. I used to write love letters to her when we started dating and we were both students. I even continued while I was serving. I’d visit her in school and write a love letter that she’d wake up to find in random places like her purse and phone cover. Capitalism has kinda taken that away from us. But I’ll return to the roots this Valentine.”
Ife*, 29
Our relationship is in a complicated place right now, and I’m the problem. Valentine’s Day is a working day this year, but I intend to get her a gown. I saw it on my timeline a while ago and made a mental note to buy it for her. I’ve got more exciting plans cooked up at the office too.
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Michael*, late 20s
My girlfriend and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. Before you judge, it’s not because we don’t care for each other but because it’s a few weeks between both our birthdays. Hers is February 2nd, and mine is March 2nd, so we focus on our birthdays instead. I try to get her gifts that she’s asked for in the past. Preferably, a request she’s almost forgotten. Last year, I got an artist to make an illustration of her as a waterbender. She’d told me she’d like something like that about two years before. I’ve not concluded on what I’ll get this year, but I’m thinking of a written note and a big teddy bear. She’d mentioned wanting one a few months ago, and I teased her about it. I think it’ll be nice to see her reaction when I give it to her.”
Hassan*, 29
Me and my babe have built a culture around Valentine’s Day. Instead of an all-out celebration, we choose to see it as a reminder of how far we’ve come. We’ve had some issues lately, and even though we’ve talked and trashed things out, she still thinks I’m harbouring resentment against her because she was at fault. For Val’s Day, I want to plan a simple dinner as a reminder of our love, whether or not we are on good terms.
Ayomide*, Early 30s
It’s our first Valentine’s Day celebration as a couple, so I’m considering a special dinner date. Also, her phone has been bad for the longest time, so I’m trying to get her a new phone ahead of the day. I’m caught between an iPhone and a high-end Google Pixel phone, but the exchange rates have made things pricey. I don’t know if I can pull it off. Her birthday is in March, so there’s also that to think about.
It’s finally salary week! If you count a few more days, you’ll land right on February 14, AKA Valentine’s Day. While a fancy dinner, romantic getaway and customised gift box may seem like well thought-out ideas, we can’t say they reflect the pressing needs of the average Nigerian at the moment.
Everywhere choke, and people are going through it. But these items might make life a little easier for the people you hold dear.
Rice
Rice is the most consumed staple in Nigerian households, so you know there’s a problem when a paint bucket sells for as high as ₦6000. The LOYL may not ask for it, but they’ll appreciate a bag of rice better than that customised mug you’re discussing with a printer right now.
Fuel
Everyone with a car or generator has been going through it since Tinubu yanked off fuel subsidy. Your loved ones could use that 25 litres of fuel or you can just offer to fill up their tank.
Medical supplies
Drug prices have joined the inflation race, and prices have shot up since the exit of pharmaceutical giants like GlaxoSmithKline. If you’ve got loved ones on life-long medications, chances are they can use some help offsetting their bills right now.
Dollars
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, you can present the dollar bills as a money cake or rolled up in a gift box. Either way, you’ll be making the person smile to the bank, and every Nigerian can use that right now.
A grocery gift card
Food items are also in the inflation race. Everything has doubled in price, and there’s no guarantee you’ll meet the same price at your next grocery run. So, do you see why the LOYL will appreciate a gift card to stock up on supplies?
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A CV revamp for international gigs
If your partner isn’t complaining about being underpaid by a Nigerian employer, you probably know a friend or relative who is. Now how can you come through for them with thoughtful Valentine’s Day gifts? Pay for a CV revamp that’ll land them dollar-paying international gigs.
Rechargeable fans
A heatwave is depriving people of quality sleep right now. Even if your loved ones aren’t saying it to you, they’re tired of using dusting powder. Unfortunately, it’s not the best time to purchase electronic appliances in Nigeria thanks to inflation. Come through for your people with that rechargeable fan.
These ones will act like they don’t rate February 14th. But in reality, they’re either just single or broke.
The ones with multiple admirers
These ones enjoyed the day to the fullest as they were receiving gifts from different people and scheduling multiple dates. Their only headache was how to handle going out with different people on the same day.
The ones in a relationship with food
They’ll tell you that food can’t break anyone’s heart, but they’re only consoling themselves with food because they haven’t found love yet.
People who gifted themselves and then acted surprised
These are LadiPoe’s people – “Throw myself a party and then act surprised”. Who were they deceiving? Last last, it’s still self-love anyway, and it’s not a bad thing at all.
The people who wrote cute letters
These folks made beautifully written letters for the people they love and sent those letters to them with a can of Malta Guinness to stomach all that goodness. These people deserve an award for being the best in thoughtfulness.
The smart ones who seized the chance to enjoy a Malta Guinness-powered Date Night
These people had the most fun on Valentine’s day, hands down. Malta Guinness treated them to a lovely four-course dinner for valentine’s day and people had a lovely time with food, laughter, and the company of the people they love.
