The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
How long have you been with your partner?
My husband, David, and I have been married for five years. We met in 2020 and married that same year.
How did that happen?
I’d just started my service year in Ekiti when the COVID lockdown happened. My parents live in Delta, which is quite a distance from Ekiti. I thought the lockdown would end quickly, so I stayed back, believing it would be a waste of money to go home.
At that point, I was already a member of David’s father’s church, and the church helped corps members who didn’t want to go home find accommodation with church members. I stayed with a lady who lived close to David’s house, and almost every day, he would visit me, bearing food.
According to David, he didn’t do that because he liked me. He’s just a giver who tries to help as many people as possible around him. However, we began to learn more about each other during these daily visits, and he felt that God had told him I would be his wife. When he told me this, we’d only known each other for two weeks.
What was your reaction?
I was surprised, but I prayed about it and got confirmation from God that he was the one. I initially didn’t even want to pray about his proposal. He was a pastor in his father’s church, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a pastor’s wife.
I’ve always heard about the sacrifices it takes to marry a pastor. He wouldn’t likely make a lot of money, and I had to accept that he’d divide his time between his home and the church. I’d also need to be a “role model” for women in the church, and have a big heart to mentor people and listen to their problems. It just felt like such a big role that I wasn’t prepared for.
Additionally, I always had a mental picture of myself working for about two years and earning money before settling down. Yet, I was jobless, without any financial safety net, and God was telling me to get married. It felt like He was carrying all my plans and throwing them away to make way for His own.
However, I felt peace after praying and getting confirmation. I also shared my worries with his mum, and she gave me helpful advice and encouragement for the journey ahead. She helped me understand that God’s grace was available to support the responsibility He was placing on me, and I only needed to seek His help continually.
So, I accepted David’s proposal, and we got married five months later.
What were finances like, considering you didn’t have a job and he was a pastor?
We lived on the goodwill of people for the first two years of our marriage. David’s dad used to give him a ₦30k salary, but even with the most extreme managing, the money only lasted us about three weeks.
To make things worse, I got pregnant immediately after the wedding and had high blood pressure throughout the pregnancy and for some months after delivery, so I couldn’t work. Thankfully, we never went hungry. David’s parents and other church members often gave us foodstuff.
Things started to get better in 2023. I got my current job, which pays me ₦85k, and I started pitching in with living expenses. Sadly, David’s dad passed away in 2024, so he’s now the head pastor. The promotion came with a higher salary — ₦70k/month. We have two kids now, so our combined salary is still quite low, but God keeps providing for us.
What kind of money conversations do you have with your husband?
It’s mostly about what needs to be done or bought at home. We treat our finances like a joint system; whenever the other person gets money, we bring it to do what needs to be done.
That’s especially necessary because, even though my husband has a salary, we can’t completely depend on it. I can just hear, “This sister in church hasn’t paid school fees, so I sent her money,” or “I felt led to give this person money.” Sometimes, he tells me before giving out money, but I can’t discourage him, even though it can be an inconvenience. I believe God blesses people so they can be a blessing to bless others. We’re also recipients of the generosity of others.
So, I can’t stop him from emptying his account to help people. It’s just difficult to plan because I can’t say the money we have today is what we’ll have tomorrow. The only income we can plan on is my salary, because people usually go to the pastor for their financial problems, not his wife.
Still, our finances are usually tight because ₦85k is not enough. My husband can still come and suggest that we use my salary to do something in the church. One time, we used the money we planned for electricity units to fix the church generator while we sat in darkness for two days.
Hmm
I often feel stressed because of our financial situation, but one thing I can say is that my husband tries his best to make me happy. He’s a good man.
I also try to put my hope in God instead of our bank accounts. Once, we were completely broke, and someone sent my husband ₦50k out of the blue. Miracles like that happen a lot. It’s just that, I’m someone who loves to plan. I don’t like waiting to “see what happens.” But I’m learning to let God take control.
What are your thoughts about safety nets?
I try to push for us to save for house rent and emergencies, but it hardly works out. What usually happens is that we’ll save for a while, and something almost always comes along to take the money away.
Still, I ensure that I keep some money aside whenever we receive financial gifts or any extra money. Right now, I have ₦62k in my savings.
Do you have a budget for romance and gifts in your relationship?
There’s no budget; we just get things for each other when there’s money. People often tease me, saying I must have a turban in every colour, and that’s my husband’s doing. When he has money, he buys me turbans or Ankara material so we can sew matching outfits.
On the other hand, my husband doesn’t like gifts. I can buy him a wristwatch today, and he’ll say, “Someone would have appreciated the money you used to buy this.” So, I just maintain myself and only buy him things he absolutely needs, like singlets, boxers and shirts when I have money.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
One of my husband’s sons in the Lord recently gifted him a plot of land. The goal is for us to build a hostel so we can make money from it or build our own house. I believe it’ll be a good investment for our future.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
How long have you been with your partner?
We’ve been together since April 2024.
How did you meet?
Lekan and I met on Facebook. We’d been Facebook friends for over a year before he asked me out. I wasn’t surprised when he did. I actually expected it. Most of my male friends on Facebook connect with me because they want to ask me out. So I knew the question was coming. But when it did, I didn’t accept immediately.
Why not?
He’d told me he had a child from a previous relationship, and I wasn’t comfortable with it. I feared dealing with a complicated situation where one woman could come later and start claiming rights. So, I needed time to process it and decide if I could go ahead with it. I didn’t give him a yes until about three months had passed.
What changed your mind?
Lekan had all the other things I wanted: God-fearing, mature, and we were best friends even before we started dating. So, I decided to go for it.
Also, his child wasn’t like a baby. His relationship with his child’s mother hadn’t worked out, and Lekan had opened up to me about it. The child lived with the mother. So, I believed it wouldn’t be an issue.
Got it. What are your financial situations like?
Lekan was working as a store manager, earning ₦70k/month when we started dating. Now, he mostly makes money from online tutoring gigs, and since it’s primarily freelance, there’s no specific monthly income.
As for me, I’m a teacher and I offer catering services once in a while. My actual salary is ₦25k, but when I get catering gigs, that figure can range between ₦35k and ₦40k. I have to say our financial situation is the primary struggle in our relationship.
How so?
It’s not easy to do things on an unstable income. We have hopes for our future. We’ve even talked about settling down, but we can’t make actual moves because of money. I’m worried about Lekan’s unstable income.
If he had something, we could plan around what comes in monthly, no matter how small the money might be. It won’t be a case of, “Will money come or will it not come?”
Have you shared these concerns with him?
All the time. He says he’s working towards it. I hope things get better soon. In the meantime, we support each other as much as possible. We talk about our money struggles and what we need to do to improve the situation.
We assist each other when the other person is broke. I can send him money for food or data when I have, and he does the same for me, too — usually ₦5k or ₦10k. Besides our money challenges, it has been an awesome relationship. We work well together, and I know things will only get better.
You mentioned he has a child. How does that play into your relationship dynamic?
It doesn’t really affect us. I don’t really interfere with his relationship with his child and the mother. I know he has an arrangement with his baby mama’s family to be part of the child’s welfare. He doesn’t send money monthly, but I think he contributes to feeding and school fees. I don’t really know much about their arrangement. I don’t want to get involved.
Interesting. How do you guys navigate budgeting for dates and gifts in your relationship?
Hmm. This is another challenge we have. I often tell Lekan that there are some things you don’t wait for the right time to do, you just compromise and make the sacrifice. For example, we hardly go out to celebrate birthdays or buy each other gifts because Lekan says there’s no money. On the rare occasion that we go out, we visit eateries.
Ironically, he spends more than he saves. Lekan can get some money now and spend it all without putting anything aside. He thinks savings should come from when you have excess, but I think you should save regardless of how much you have. So, we argue about that a lot.
What do future plans look like for you two? You mentioned settling down
Yeah. I’m hoping we get married in a year. But we still have to settle our finances first before moving further. I don’t think we can get married while his income is still unstable. So, when that is fixed, we can plan.
Do you both have safety nets?
I don’t know about him, but I have a monthly ₦10k ajo contribution to save money. I’m also looking for an investment platform to join and see what investing can look like for me.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I’d like us to set up our own business. Since we’re in the education sector, we hope to have a school someday. Then maybe also invest in real estate.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
How long have you been with your partner?
It’s been almost a year. Precious and I started dating in December last year.
How did you meet?
Precious is friends with my cousin, and I first saw her picture on my cousin’s WhatsApp status. It was my cousin’s caption that drew my attention. She’d posted Precious to wish her a happy birthday and wrote so much about how kind, generous, caring and loving Precious had been to her.
I remember thinking, “See fine girl with all the character traits I want in a wife. Complete package.” So, I asked my cousin to get her account number so I could send something small for data.
Account number, not phone number?
I knew “account number” was the fastest way to get her attention. I doubt women still pay attention to all those “My uncle asked for your number” levels.
My cousin sent the account number, and I sent ₦20k. I didn’t expect Precious to actually call to thank me. I thought she’d reach out on WhatsApp to say thank you. At worst, she’d ignore the alert because ₦20k is small for big babes these days. Now that I think about it, I might have sent the money as a test to confirm her kind of person.
I was pleasantly surprised when she called. We started talking regularly from that day. Her birthday was in November, and we started dating a few weeks later in December. Left to me, we’d have started dating immediately, but she didn’t want to rush. She said we should be friends first. In my mind, I was like, “Friends, as how? When I’ve already planned the number of our children.”
Skrim
I knew she was the one, so I didn’t give her breathing space. I made sure to call every day and send her all those romantic text messages women like. I also paid to change her phone screen and charger because they were giving her issues. I think both cost me close to ₦70k.
Anyway, she eventually said yes when she saw how seriously I was on her case.
A finished man
Abi. At the start, our relationship was mostly long-distance because Precious was in her final year and her university was in Osun. However, she travelled down to Lagos to see her parents once or twice every two months, so we used that opportunity to see each other.
How did these visits usually go?
We’d hang out at my place or go on dates whenever she was around. She likes restaurants a lot, and each date typically cost me nothing less than ₦30k.
In the first few months of our relationship, Precious was a full-time student, so she didn’t have any income. This automatically meant I had to pay for everything when we went out. I’d also send her money occasionally for data or just to buy something for herself in school, usually ₦20k – ₦30k.
She graduated early this year, so we now see each other more regularly. The disadvantage is that relationship expenses have also increased because we go out more, and I always pay. I actually thought the expenses would reduce after she got a ₦80k/month virtual assistant job around July to have some money as she prepares for NYSC. Instead, I’m seeing another side of her.
What side?
Precious doesn’t know how to manage money. She also tends to spend impulsively. She can receive her salary today, and by next week, she’s complaining about how fast her money disappeared.
When I try to trace what she spent on, it’s usually food. She’s the type of person who wants to order expensive food on salary day to spoil herself for no reason. She works from home and has no bills because she lives with her parents. I pay for data, and we use the same Netflix. I sell beauty products, so I supply her with everything she might need. There’s no reason she should finish ₦80k in less than two weeks.
I’m worried because I plan for us to get married by the end of this year. She ticks all my boxes, but that money part is a concern for me. I’m a businessman, and there will be times when business won’t go well. I need a wife who can manage resources well.
Hmm. Have you discussed this with her?
I’ve told her a few times that she needs to plan her finances better, but her excuse is that ₦80k is too small to manage. I’d have agreed with that if she had responsibilities. ₦80k is chicken change in this economy, truly, but she should be able to do better.
I still plan to give her the benefit of the doubt, though. I’ve considered putting her on a monthly allowance to see how she spends, but Instagram banned one of my major pages two months ago, and business has been slow. My beauty products business used to bring me ₦700k in a bad month. Now, I average ₦300k – ₦500k. I don’t have the freedom for extra expenses.
Right now, it looks like I’ll have to push the wedding forward to keep observing her attitude with money. She didn’t know I was considering a wedding this year before, so nothing spoil.
What if, after more “observation,” you don’t see a positive change?
Hmm. I might have to end the relationship or seek advice from senior friends. I’m only considering seeking advice because of how much I love her. I ordinarily wouldn’t consider letting go of such a major issue. I’ve seen and heard a lot about marriage, and I know that the worst thing a man can do is marry a woman who doesn’t know how to manage or understand.
I’m not saying she has to deliberately marry a poor man to prove she can manage. No woman wants to suffer. But anything can happen in this life. I’m comfortable now, but if I’m broke in the future, I shouldn’t be scared that my wife will make my life a living hell.
I guess that’s fair. You mentioned your relationship expenses have doubled. What does that budget look like these days?
We visit restaurants at least once a month, usually costing ₦50k – ₦80k. I pay ₦18k monthly for her data.
Then there’s the random money here and there for hair or something she likes. I don’t have a budget for that one because it can be as little as ₦30k or as high as ₦200k. It just depends on what she asks for and whether I have the money to attend to the need at that time.
Do you have a financial safety net?
I don’t save money in the bank. Everything goes back to my business. I can get spending money, but I don’t keep money in my account to save it. It pays me to put it in the business and make my profit.
See, this is why I want a woman who can manage. At least, as I’m giving her money here and there, she’s secretly saving some as emergency funds. So, if I come and say, “Babe. E don red o,” she’ll just bring out money to save me. Even if it’s to borrow me.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
It’s still the same as what I said. Let me go out and hustle and risk my money for profit, while having the peace of mind that my wife is making better financial decisions.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
How long have you been with your partner?
Three years and some months. We started dating towards the end of 2021.
How did you meet?
We met in 2020 on WhatsApp. We were both 200-level students of the same university and members of a school WhatsApp group. The group was mostly for fun and cruise.
One day, someone sent my picture to the group. I got angry and asked the person to take it down. Yinka messaged me privately, asking me not to be angry about the picture since it was just for jokes.
After that incident, we kept talking and realised we lived in the same neighbourhood. That’s how we became friends. He’d come to my hostel at night and we’d gist with my roommate. I was in a relationship then, so we were just friends for a while.
However, my boyfriend didn’t have my time. We often had issues, and I’m quite emotional, so I was always crying. Yinka was there, supporting me emotionally and even financially. I eventually left the other guy, and Yinka and I started dating.
You mentioned Yinka supported you financially?
Yes. We were both students without major sources of income, but Yinka often supported me with ₦1k here or ₦2k there. He did that because he was aware of some issues I had with my sister, whom I depended on for pocket money.
I wanted to try network marketing to sell goods and make money, but my sister preferred that I help out in her shop. We disagreed, so she stopped giving me money, and Yinka stepped up. His only source of income was the ₦10k – ₦20k monthly allowance from his parents, but he helped with random cash and food items. I also did a two-month stint at a hair salon during this time.
Six months into our relationship, my roommate moved, and I couldn’t afford rent on my own — I was still having issues with my sister — so I moved in with Yinka.
What was that like?
It was really nice. Initially, Yinka handled almost all the expenses. He gave me money when we needed to cook, and sometimes transport fare to school. But my mum later found out about the issue with my sister, and she started sending me the occasional ₦2k to manage. So, I was able to contribute to the expenses as well.
Yinka and I were very transparent with money. Whenever either of our parents sent us money, we spent it together. We didn’t have major issues in the two years we lived together. I might not have left at all if he hadn’t cheated.
He cheated?
Yeah, but I know why he did. We haven’t had actual sex since we started dating. I have undiagnosed vaginismus. Undiagnosed because I don’t have the money to go to a proper doctor, but my symptoms point to that condition.
I found out in 100 level when I was making out with a guy, and penetration became impossible. The guy even said, “Are you sure you have a vagina?” It was funny because I see my period and everything. I don’t just know why that happened. Since then, I have tried several times. My ex even dedicated a whole day to trying, but it didn’t work. Instead, I went home with body pains.
I’m sorry you had to go through that
Thanks. I told Yinka about my condition before we started dating, and he told me that he would try to wait until I could. So, when I saw the chats between him and another student, it broke me. We talked about it, and he stopped. I considered that he wasn’t really the type to do something like that, so I forgave him.
A few months later, I saw another set of flirty chats between him and a church member, and I just got tired. I kept thinking of how I’d get my own place so we wouldn’t date again. I even started flirting with someone else online, and Yinka saw the chats. I was just ready to leave.
I gathered money from my mum and some money gifts I received on my birthday, rented a ₦40k/year room and moved out. This was in 2023, and I was in my final year. About a month later, Yinka came and said we should forget everything and start afresh.
What was your response?
I agreed. Honestly, Yinka is a good person to me, and I consider him my best friend. I think having someone else is normal for guys, so I can cope. In fact, I told him last month that he’s free to satisfy his needs outside.
You did?
Yes. Yinka always wants us to try to see if sex will work, and it’s a major inconvenience for me. We’ve tried lubricant and everything. I don’t want him to feel like I’m denying him.
So, I told him he can have sex with other people, but don’t let me find out. However, he said doing it outside would be expensive since he’d spend money, and he’d rather wait. So, that’s where we are now. Also, we moved back in together a few months ago.
Oh. Why?
I graduated late last year and thought I’d have been called for NYSC by now, so I only paid six months’ rent. Unfortunately, NYSC hasn’t worked out yet, so I’m living with Yinka while I wait.
In the meantime, I got a job as a shop assistant, earning ₦40k/month. I also design on Canva and occasionally get design gigs, but those don’t come regularly.
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Do you and Yinka share living expenses like before?
I’ve been handling the expenses this time. Yinka is almost perfect, but his small flaw is being laid back. He’s so focused on getting freelance design gigs that pay in dollars that he doesn’t want to do any salary work. When he doesn’t get gigs, he prefers to sleep at home.
I feel like it’s not realistic to rely on gigs that come once in a few months. I’m not complaining about handling the bills; it’s the least I can do considering all he’s done for me. But I’m worried he’s not thinking about the future. I don’t mind cleaning for money if necessary, but Yinka selects what he wants to do. His parents were ready to give him money to learn a skill he showed interest in a few months ago, but he just stopped talking about it.
I don’t like how Yinka isn’t making efforts for his future. He had an extra year, so he’ll be graduating this year. I’ve asked him, “What if freelancing doesn’t work?” He said he doesn’t know, but he might start a business. Where will the capital for the business come from? He said he’d figure it out when he got there.
Hmmm
It’s a major concern for me because of my family background. My mum was a “married single mother”. My dad wasn’t there financially, and she single-handedly raised the children. My sister’s husband also doesn’t have a particular job he’s doing. I don’t want that for myself.
I’m always talking to Yinka about my concerns and why he needs to be intentional about the future. But it’s always like I’m talking to myself. I can talk for two hours, and he’ll stay silent throughout. When I finish talking, he’ll just say, “I’ve heard” and continue what he’s doing. I’ve decided I won’t say anything again.
I can’t even talk to anyone about these concerns because it’d be like I’m painting him badly. Our friends know we’ve been together for a long time and expect we’ll get married. So, I’ll be like the bad person if I complain about his only flaw.
But do you see yourselves getting married?
I’m confused. I see a future with Yinka, but that financial aspect is crucial for me. He’s supposed to be the leader, and I can support him. I don’t mind supporting even if he’s broke to minus zero. I just want to see him step up. Even if the job pays ₦10k, do it. I’ve done several odd jobs for money, and I want someone who can complement me in that area; someone with an even higher drive to get things working. I don’t see that in Yinka, at least not so far.
Hmmm. How do you both keep the romance alive in your relationship?
This will sound ridiculous, but we’ve never gone on a date. Our journey has mostly been struggling to feed and graduate. I love romantic stuff, but there’s no space for it now. I’m even trying to save for when NYSC finally calls me. There’s no room for extra expenses.
How’s that safety net looking?
It’s nothing much. I just try to save at least ₦1k monthly in a savings app. I also met someone online a few months ago, and he’s been very supportive financially. He sends me random money and internet data. During my convocation, he sent me ₦20k. I know he’ll turn up when it’s time for NYSC.
There’s nothing romantic going on, but I know he probably wants that. He’s separated from his wife and doesn’t know I have a boyfriend. I know it sounds like cheating even though nothing is going on, but omo, anything to survive. I’m sorry, but I need all the financial help I can get.
What does the future look like for you and Yinka?
Honestly, it’s not very bright. It doesn’t look like he’ll change, so I may leave him after I go for service. I can’t keep advising a 25-year-old if he doesn’t want to be intentional. Deciding to end things will be heartbreaking, but I’ll have to do it.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
How long have you been with your partner?
Tabitha and I started dating in January, so that’s about six months.
How did you both meet?
She’s a university student in my neighbourhood, so I’ve seen her around for a while. I finally got the courage to talk to her when she came to my POS stand to make a transfer. The person she sent the money to didn’t receive the alert, but the transaction was successful on my end. I convinced her to exchange numbers so she could reach me if the person didn’t see the money.
We actually didn’t need to exchange numbers. She would’ve seen me on her way to school the following day, but I insisted because I wanted to get close. After that day, I reached out on WhatsApp and we started talking regularly.
The talking stage lasted for two weeks. I officially asked Tabitha out on her birthday with a ₦3k teddy bear (she’d told me she liked them) and a handwritten card.
Romance!
After she said yes, I took her to the cinema for a movie date, and we bought shawarma, popcorn and drinks. I spent close to ₦30k on that date, which was quite dumb on my part. That’s how much I make in a week. But I was excited. She deserved it.
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Speaking of money, what’s your and Tabitha’s financial situation like?
I think we’re both doing as well as we can. Tabitha is in 300 level, but she does several things to make money. She sells perfume oils, female two-piece outfits and also cooks for money. Her parents and siblings occasionally send her urgent ₦5k or ₦10k, but she doesn’t rely on them alone.
I don’t know how much she makes exactly, but she pays her ₦80k rent herself. I also know she has savings because she has been trying to get me to be consistent with savings, too.
Saving is difficult for me because I live with my parents. My dad is sick, so he doesn’t work. Out of the ₦30k I make weekly, I have to drop ₦10k to support my mum, who doesn’t make much from her provisions store. Sometimes, extra expenses like my dad’s medicine also take out of my money.
So, it’s hard to keep money without touching it. Tabitha is always on my case about saving sha. She’ll say, “Aren’t you concerned about your future?”
How do you respond when she says that?
I can’t really say much because I know she’s right. I started this POS business in 2023 because I was tired of job hunting with my HND certificate, but I can’t do POS forever.
My business was one of the first things Tabitha asked me about when we started dating. She asked if I had future plans outside the POS work because she’d only date me if I had a plan to stop the work one day. So, I told her about my hopes of opening an outlet to sell male clothes and shoes to both online and walk-in customers.
We agreed I’d save ₦30k monthly so I can start the clothes business by the end of the year, but I haven’t saved anything. I saved ₦10k twice and withdrew it later. Tabitha is unhappy with that, and I’m trying to improve.
I plan to be more intentional starting this month. A few days ago, I made a kolo from a large tomato tin, and I’ll be dropping ₦1k there daily.
I hope that works out. Does your savings plan leave room to budget for dates and romance?
We don’t really spend on dates like that. I’m usually at my POS stand every single day till evening, so there’s not much time to go out.
However, I always go to Tabitha’s hostel in the evenings to spend about an hour with her. Sometimes, she cooks for me. I sometimes buy shawarma or suya when I visit because she likes them. That usually costs me ₦3k.
The last big relationship expense I made since our first date was in April. A dispatch rider ran away with ₦20k worth of Tabitha’s perfume oils, so I paid for the loss. She didn’t ask me to pay. I just saw how badly it affected her and paid because I didn’t want her to be unhappy. She thanked me for that money for three days.
That’s so sweet. What’s the most memorable gift Tabitha has given you?
She gave me a new money pouch last month. It touched me because my old money pouch was tattered. I always postponed entering the market to buy a new one because I didn’t want to leave my stand. We didn’t even talk about it. She just came to my stand that day and handed me the pouch. I almost cried o. Big man like me.
I’m screaming. Do you both have money conversations?
We’re both open about how much we have, but it’s not because we ask each other; the information just flows. We can just be talking and I’ll say, “It’s only ₦5k I made today o,” or she can say, “My sister sent me ₦5k.”
I think there’s still plenty of time for serious money conversations. I don’t need to know exactly how much she earns when it’s not like we want to get married tomorrow.
What do you think the future holds for you both?
We still have a long way to go. I don’t think I’m ready to get married in the next five years. So, we’re just taking it a day at a time. I’d really love it if we manage to stay together. She once joked that I had to convert to her religion because that was the only way her father would approve of a future marriage. If it comes down to that, I don’t mind converting.
What’s the ideal financial future for you as a couple?
Japa. We both want to leave Nigeria one day.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
Darryl and I have been dating for about 10 months, so it’s still early. We’ll celebrate our first anniversary in July.
How did you meet?
We met at a mutual friend’s baby shower, and sparks flew. I went to his house the next day for a home-cooked dinner date, and we’ve been inseparable since. It felt like I’d known him all my life, and we were just meant to be together. Darryl feels the same way, too.
It’s giving whirlwind romance
It was really fast. We probably should have taken the time to know each other better first, but the chemistry was hot. We’re smitten with each other, and it shows. Our mutual friend always jokes that I’d have met the love of my life sooner if I weren’t such a homebody. And it’s true.
I’ve known our mutual friend since uni, and Darryl has been a family friend with her for about two years. Our paths didn’t cross earlier because I never go anywhere. Even that baby shower, I almost didn’t attend because of sleep. Thank God I did.
Is there a reason you feel you should’ve gotten to know each other better first?
It would’ve just made transitioning into a relationship easier. I’d already know things he wasn’t comfortable with and be more sensitive, and vice versa.
For example, on our third date, Darryl took me to a high-end restaurant. When the ₦140k bill came, I brought out my card and offered to pay half of the bill. But Darry became upset and thought I was implying he couldn’t afford it.
I didn’t mean to imply that at all. I just didn’t expect the bill to be so expensive, and I didn’t want him to see me as a broke babe. Or someone who needed a man to handle my bills. Looking back, I didn’t need to do that because Darryl isn’t broke either. I guess I’ve just seen different kinds of shege from Nigerian men, and I wanted to cover the basics.
The restaurant incident led to our first disagreement. I didn’t understand why he was so offended, and he thought I wasn’t taking his feelings seriously. I can’t remember how we settled, but it most likely ended in bed. That’s how most of our disagreements have ended.
Wiun! What are your financial situations like?
I don’t know how much Darryl makes, but he’s a lawyer and his family is pretty well-connected. He also lives alone in one of the city’s most expensive neighbourhoods, so I know he has money.
I earn ₦500k/month from my 9-5 as a product designer. Also, I regularly get side gigs that bring me an average of ₦250k monthly. I live with family and only touch my salary for personal needs.
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What kind of money conversations do you and Darryl have?
He occasionally sends me money — usually ₦100k — with narrations like “change your hairstyle,” but I don’t think those count as conversations. We really don’t talk a lot about money, to be honest. I don’t ask him for money, and he doesn’t ask me for money.
Sometimes, he takes me out on dates and handles the bills. I’ve also initiated the dates a few times, and I pay for them. We see things the other person might like and buy for each other. We haven’t been dating long, so I think it’s pretty early to discuss our finances and account balances. We don’t have joint expenses, so knowing his salary isn’t exactly a pressing issue, and I don’t intend to tell him mine.
Darryl probably thinks I earn around the ₦250k range because I once accidentally mentioned the figure while ranting about my client delaying payment. I wasn’t happy about the slip-up, but it’s not my actual salary, so I didn’t overthink it.
It sounds like you don’t want him to know how much you earn
Oh, I definitely don’t want him to know how much I earn. Even if he ever asks me, I’ll never tell him the full amount. Like I said, I’ve experienced plenty shege with Nigerian men.
I dated someone who treated me like trash because he had more money than I did. I thought, “Okay then. Let me get my money up.” So, I started making money and started forming intentional babe for my next couple of boyfriends. You know, loaning (and even dashing them) money and buying them stuff. Those ones used “You’re a big girl now” to chop my money and cheated on me on top of that.
I’m not about to put myself in those situations again. I’ve also heard several horror stories of women being forced to be breadwinners or indirectly ending up giving all their money to their men for one reason or another. I can’t trust or love any man with my money.
Have you heard stories of men crashing out because they discovered their wives had hidden wealth?
Yeah. Why?
I aspire to be like those women. My focus now is growing my income, having a healthy safety net, and having tons of investments stashed away.
It’s not because I believe Darryl will turn on me or because I want to deceive him; I just don’t want to be unprepared if shit hits the fan one day.
I assume Darryl doesn’t know about this plan
He doesn’t. But I don’t see how it should be a problem if he ever finds out. I’m storing money away for my future. If he has a problem with it, then that’s a red flag. It’s not like I’m stealing from you or draining your account to make mine fatter. I’m just being smart with my safety net.
What does that safety net look like right now?
I’ve been consistently saving since 2023 and have about ₦3.8 m in my savings. My goal is to invest in real estate and stocks so I can make passive income from both and still have physical assets. If I hope to achieve this in the next five years, I’ll probably need to unlock a new income level, preferably in dollars.
You mentioned dates and gifts earlier. Do you have a budget for those?
I have a strict ₦150k monthly budget for everything enjoyment-related. Random food cravings and outings, as well as dates and gifts, fall under this budget.
Darryl handles most of the dates, so I do those maybe once every two months. The dates I initiate are mostly indoors, so I just buy food to cook or order takeout. That’s a maximum of ₦40k.
Gifts are usually t-shirts, perfumes, and Shambhala bracelets. Actually, I buy him the perfumes, and then steal them back when I visit him, haha. For his birthday, I splurged and got him a pair of shoes for ₦75k. That month, I banished all my cravings so I wouldn’t go over budget.
How are you both thinking about future plans for your relationship?
I know we’re definitely together for the long haul, but we’ve not talked about marriage. We’re both just taking each day at a time. The first few months of our relationship were just red-hot romance, and we’re just starting to settle into a pattern and see how things work. I’m not trying to rush anything, and neither is he. Let’s just enjoy the now.
How about what you’d like your finances to look like in the future?
I’d really like us to own a business together one day. I keep telling Darryl he has a brilliant entrepreneurial mind, but he doesn’t see it. I hope I can get him to stop overthinking it one day and allow my power couple dreams to come true.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
*Jack refers to his partner in gender-neutral pronouns, they/them.
How long have you been with your partner?
Pat and I have been together since 2020, so that’s five years.
How did you meet?
We met during the 2020 lockdown. A mutual friend shared their contact, and we started talking over the phone. I wasn’t looking for anything more than friendship because I was in another relationship. Things weren’t great with my ex, but I was trying to figure things out with them.
However, four or five months after I started talking with Pat, I realised my relationship was beyond saving. Among other things, it bugged me that my ex and I lived in the same city, but they didn’t prioritise trying to see me. My job as a journalist allowed me to move around during the lockdown, and I kept asking to come see them, but they kept giving me different excuses.
Yet Pat lived in a whole other state, several kilometres away, and they came down to Lagos to see me immediately after the lockdown lifted in August. At that point, I decided to stop pushing things with my ex. Pat asked that we be together, and we made things official.
You both lived in different states at this point?
Yes. Pat was in their final year at school, but the ASUU strike and lockdown allowed us to spend a lot of time together. We did a lot of travelling back and forth, and they stayed at my place for long periods. The first visit was about two weeks, then the next one lasted for three months.
Who financed these trips?
I was the financially buoyant one, so I handled the expenses. Pat had a few hustles in school, but I had a stable ₦200k salary, not including the extra money I made from the occasional writing side gigs.
Bus trips were a recurring expense in the first year — about ₦40k for a round trip. We also had date nights. I was very into the entertainment scene, so I always dragged Pat along to art exhibitions, fashion shows, restaurants and movie dates.
We often hung out with friends and got outfits together. It was the honeymoon phase, so we did all the works. Each outing typically cost ₦50k – ₦60k, and this happened every two weeks. Pat often chipped in for the expenses as well. It was a very give-and-take situation. I could organise date night this weekend, and they’d make plans for the following weekend.
Sounds like you had a working system
Yeah, and seeing someone willing to spend their last cash on me was really nice. Once, they offered to send me the last ₦2k in their account because I was broke. Gifting is my love language, and I always try to achieve balance in giving. If someone gives me something, I want to give back, so it’s not like I’m just taking.
Knowing Pat was open to sharing their limited finances made it more natural for me to do the same. In the early days of our relationship, Pat was uncomfortable with that. They’d complain, saying, “Every time I give you something, it feels like you are returning it. You always find something to give me in return, and it makes me uncomfortable.” But that’s me, and we just accept it.
In 2021, Pat graduated from uni and moved in with me in Lagos. This was about five months into the relationship. I didn’t even have a say in the moving-in part, but we’ve lived together ever since.
How come you didn’t have a say about them moving in?
So, Pat already knew they were coming to Lagos for their residency. It was somewhat delayed because of the lockdown and strike, so when it came, they just said, “I’m moving in.”
I didn’t like having people in my space for long stretches of time, and I told them this, but they just said, “You’ll learn to get comfortable with it.”
And did you get comfortable with it?
Well, we still live together. It was easier to adjust than I imagined. I think when you love somebody, you just find a way to create space for them. I adjusted pretty quickly.
Remember I said I was the financially buoyant one? That changed when we started living together. Pat found an online customer service gig with an international communications company that paid by the hour. I think the base pay was $2, and the rate increased with the number of hours worked. For instance, you could work $3/hour for one hour, but if you worked five hours, it’d increase to $5/hour.
I initially didn’t pay much attention to the gig because it was just a few dollars per hour, but Pat kept asking me to try it, so I relented and took it as a side gig. Within a few months, the exchange rate skyrocketed, and the pay began to make sense. I started making $350 – $500/month, and Pat made $750-$800.
We’ve stuck with the company since — I made it my full-time job in 2023 — and our income has grown a lot. I now earn an average of ₦2.2m/month (minus the odd writing gig), and Pat makes about ₦200k more because they started ahead of me and are now like my boss. You know what’s great about earning much more now?
What’s that?
Money has helped our relationship. Don’t let anyone lie to you, money is very important in a relationship. Love is sweet, but it’s sweeter when there’s money. Friends always ask how we’ve stayed together so long, and money is a major reason.
As much as I love gifting my partner, I also like being cared for and pampered. There’s a comfort in telling your partner you want something and they can afford to get it for you.
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True. What kind of money conversations do you both have?
I’m more financially prudent, so I often try to get them to set financial structures and stick to budgets.
For instance, Pat is their family’s breadwinner, and when we first met, they were drowning under black tax obligations. I taught them the system I use with family, which is to put everyone on an allowance, and once that finishes, it’s until the next month.
We often clash over budgets. I don’t pull out money randomly. If I want to buy an item, I budget a certain amount for that item and don’t go overboard. On the other hand, Pat tends to spend a bit more money on items, even items we don’t need. I always say, “Just because you can afford it, doesn’t mean you should buy it.”
To be honest, their purchasing decisions sometimes make sense. I once wanted us to buy a cheaper blender, but they insisted on a better one since they do all the cooking. We bought the more expensive blender, and two weeks later, the price went up. If we’d bought the cheap blender, we would’ve had to replace it after a while at a more expensive price.
Speaking of, how do you both share the expenses at home?
We split everything 50-50, so we each contribute ₦120k monthly to cover grocery shopping, and Pat does the market runs. We also share rent equally. When we first started living together, we lived in my mini flat. But last year, we moved into a three-bedroom apartment for more space. The total package was ₦4.5m, and the annual rent is ₦3.2m.
For other small expenses, each person pays out of pocket without necessarily asking for a refund. For instance, I pay for the cleaner who comes every week and buy toiletries like toothpaste. Pat is the perfume person, so they buy things like perfume and kitchen utensils.
We sometimes argue about expenses, especially the question of who buys the fuel. We have an inverter, but Pat plays video games a lot, which kills the inverter. That means we have to buy fuel of ₦20k-₦25k every two days. I consistently refuse to buy the fuel, and Pat argues that I use the generator, too. But, hey, I didn’t kill the inverter.
Our finances are generally very open. We’re transparent with our earnings, and they have access to all my banking information.
Interesting. How about date and romance expenses?
We don’t budget for dates; they come randomly. We both work from home, and the honeymoon phase is over, so we hardly go out anymore.
We gift each other a lot, though. Neither of us can go clothes shopping without buying something for the other. Sometimes, I get random deliveries at home, or they go out and get me food from our favourite restaurants.
How are you both thinking about safety nets?
I take my savings and investment portfolio very seriously. I currently have about ₦15m in investments on Piggyvest and RiseVest, and another ₦5m in my mutual funds. I also have two plots of land, and I plan to acquire a plot of land every year for the next 10 years.
Pat, however, is reluctant to take risks or try growing their money with investment platforms. They prefer to look at their account balance in a traditional bank. I think they have about ₦12m in the bank.
Last month, I asked a friend to draw up plans for me because I’m considering investing in stocks, and Pat said, “You don’t carry me along in your financial moves.” That shocked me because I’ve always preached about investments and told them about every move I make. I even tried to get them to partner with me and purchase an acre of land for a real estate project last year, but they were too scared to lose money, and I lost that opportunity.
But recently, it looks like they’ve started trying to replicate my portfolio. They asked about mutual funds and also bought a plot of land. So, maybe there’s hope for them.
Out of curiosity, what’s the most challenging aspect of living with someone for so long?
Adjusting to a different personality. I have a way I like things getting done, and sometimes I tend to forget we are not the same person, and we didn’t have the same upbringing.
Sometimes, I flip out over something, and when I calm down, I realise I could have handled it better. I just constantly remind myself that everything does not have to be how I always want it to be.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
Ideally? To retire at 40 and travel the world. But realistically, the kind of financial freedom I want isn’t going to magically happen in eight years. So, maybe in the next 20 years, or when I build my portfolio to $300m.
As a couple, I’ve started broaching the topic of joint accounts and investments, but the one thing holding me back is our different risk appetites. I don’t want to rely on Pat for every financial opportunity that I think we can seize because there’s a chance they’ll have cold feet. We’ve earned almost the same amount of money for years, and there’s a big disparity in our assets and financial choices.
I just want them to get to a point where they’re financially conscious like me and comfortable taking calculated risks so we can be prepared for the long term, especially in a country like Nigeria, where you never know what will happen next.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
Dele and I started dating towards the end of 2023 and got married in September 2024. That’s almost two years.
How did you and Dele meet?
We met in church in 2022. I’d just moved to Abuja for a new job and had visited Dele’s church for the first time. Dele was a member of the follow-up team, so he got my number to ask about my experience as a visitor and encourage me to attend more church services.
We kept in touch after I became a full member; it was just friendship at first. Dele is a finance expert, but we work in similar industries, so we bonded over work stories, shared tips about personal development and often hung out after church with his girlfriend and a few other friends.
His girlfriend?
He was in a relationship when we met. To be honest, I already liked him, but I didn’t let myself think about the possibility of romance because he had someone.
Fortunately, the lady relocated in 2023, and their relationship fizzled out.
I just realised I said “fortunately” like I was praying for their break-up.
LMAO. It does sound like that
Anyway, they grew apart, and Dele and I grew closer. When he asked me out, I was already expecting the question, so I didn’t try any “I’ll pray about it” delay tactics. I knew God had found a way to bring us together.
What were the early days of the relationship like?
There was a lot of “moulding”. Dele made it clear our relationship wasn’t to test the waters; he was dating to marry. So, we had to evaluate all our differences and problem areas to make sure we were on the same page before marriage came around.
One area that took several intentional conversations to address was my tendency to do things on my own. As my parents’ first child, I’m used to being self-sufficient and making decisions. This was an advantage until Dele and I got together.
I didn’t know I now needed to tell someone else my salary, carry him along on all my expenses and tell him if I wanted to give someone money — even the small things like the hairstyle I wanted to make.
Dele expected all that. It took me a while to adjust, and it caused some disagreements. But I now understand that a real partnership means not being afraid to let go of control. I don’t need to have my own way all the time.
Does this apply to both of you?
It does, to an extent. Dele is very open, so he runs whatever he’s thinking by me. When we started dating, I always knew how much he had per time. On our weekly dates, he’d be like, “I only have X amount. What can we afford?”
Even when we started planning our wedding, he showed me everything he had in his bank accounts, and we used that to draw up a ₦1.8m budget. Ultimately, we exceeded our budget by about ₦1m, and I covered the excess. But I could comfortably do that because he’d been transparent with his finances, and I knew he’d already spent all he had.
Now that we’re married, our dynamic has shifted. While we still run decisions by each other, I understand Dele has to have the final say as the man and head of the home. He doesn’t lord it over me, but the truth is, he’s now in control. It’s not an equal partnership anymore, and I have to consciously learn to submit my will and decision-making to him.
It’s easy because I trust him and know he has my best interests in mind. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard — there’s still the first-child urge to be in control — but I’m trying my best to adjust.
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Are there specific things you’re doing to “adjust”?
I deliberately leave small decisions to him so I can get used to him taking the lead when big decisions come.
For instance, if we want to watch a movie and have two film options, I say, “I’m fine with whatever you choose.” Even if I don’t like what he picks, I force myself to enjoy it.
Also, since February, I’ve been sending my salary to him once I receive it. It’s a way of showing him my love and commitment through my finances and forcing myself to be comfortable with my husband leading, even with something as valuable as money.
You mean your full salary?
Yes. It’s not like I’m dashing him o. It’s just like saying, “I’ve been paid. We’re one, and I trust you to guide me well in spending this money.”
He laughs and sends me the money back, often with extra money sef. But I know he feels honoured. I learnt this from a mentor in church, and while I can’t advise other women to try it, it’s working for me. It’s helping me set the right foundations of trust early on and ensure I do this marriage thing right.
I know my husband and know he’ll never take advantage of me. Don’t try it with typical Nigerian men who will carry your money and run away, or carry girls.
LOL. Noted. How do finances and budgeting for expenses work in your home now?
My husband earns ₦550k/month, slightly more than I do. He handles our ₦1.1m/year rent, utility bills, and subscriptions like internet and Netflix. He also gives me a ₦50k – ₦70k monthly allowance for my hair and nails. Then, he saves about ₦150k in a savings app.
I handle feeding and sometimes fuel the car and generator. That usually takes about ₦300k/month from my salary. Then I save ₦70k and spend the rest with Dele’s permission.
We’re in the middle of setting up a joint savings account for future projects. We haven’t discussed how much each of us will save, but I assume we’ll just transfer whatever extra money we have left after necessary expenses to the account.
Do these expenses include dates?
That’s what even takes the rest of my salary. Since we got married, I’ve intentionally treated Dele to dates and gifts. My mentor says, “You have to show these men what you want by actually doing it.”
So, I take Dele out instead of waiting for him to take me out on a date and getting angry when it doesn’t cross his mind. I don’t let him pay, either. Whenever he insists on paying, I tell him to plan for his own date instead and treat me. We go on dates almost every weekend — mostly restaurants and outdoor activities, and spend at least ₦50k on each date.
I also randomly buy him stuff when I’m out or if I see something online. Two weeks ago, I got him a ₦48k bottle of perfume.
How are you guys thinking about safety nets?
We have personal savings besides the joint savings plan. Dele currently has about ₦450k in his savings account, and I have ₦220k.
To be fair, the wedding wiped out almost all our savings. We also had to replace some furniture and buy kitchen utensils in Dele’s apartment before I moved in, but we’re building up our savings again.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I’d like us to earn at least ₦1.5m monthly within 2-4 years. This would give us room to explore major investments and provide a comfortable life for any children we have in the future.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
Join 1,000+ Nigerians, finance experts and industry leaders at The Naira Life Conference by Zikoko for a day of real, raw conversations about money and financial freedom. Click here to buy a ticket and secure your spot at the money event of the year, where you’ll get the practical tools to 10x your income, network with the biggest players in your industry, and level up in your career and business.
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Let’s talk true; we’ve all had that moment of curiosity (and maybe mild panic) when we’re about to encounter our partner’s private parts for the first time and don’t know what to expect. “Is it big or small?” “What shape is it?” and so on.
For these Nigerian women, their experiences ranged from amusing to endearing and even a little shocking.
Uche*, 25
My boyfriend is 27, so imagine my shock when I first saw his pubic hair and found streaks of grey! It was such a jarring sight because I didn’t even know people went grey down there, especially not a young person. I had to ask if he’d dyed it as a joke, but he said it was natural. It was so unexpected, but now I think it’s kind of cute.
Yinka*, 26
It took about a year of dating before my boyfriend and I decided to get intimate. We’d kiss, smooch and do other stuff, but we never crossed the line of pulling our clothes and doing the real thing. The day we finally got intimate, I remember pausing because I’d never seen foreskin up close before. I had so many questions: Is this normal? Shouldn’t it look different? He laughed and said it was perfectly normal and only looked that way because he didn’t get a circumcision. I had to do a Google search later just to ascertain if all was truly well and fine.
Toun*
I was surprised and scared. I already knew what the male reproductive organ looked like, but I wasn’t prepared for what it would be like on a grown man. I had no idea it could grow and change size like that, so I just sat there watching it happen, completely stunned. The size was overwhelming, and I wondered how it would fit. It became an issue between us at some point because it felt like it was just too big. But with time, my body adjusted, and things got easier.
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Bisi*, 28
I’ve had my fair share of weird, nauseating smells while going down on a partner, so when I met my current partner, I already had this stereotype in my head that men don’t pay attention to grooming down there. But my guy shocked me. Everything was neat, trimmed, and moisturised. He probably uses scented powder or cologne, I don’t know which, but I’ve never gone down for some mouth action and twisted my face in disgust. However, I’m not sure if it’s healthy practice for him to use scented products on his private parts.
Fola* 32
Don’t get me wrong; size doesn’t matter if the guy knows his way around and gets creative with foreplay. However, I was slightly underwhelmed when I first saw my husband’s private part. It looked really small, and it wasn’t all that much, even when he got hard. Over time, I realised he more than makes up for it in other ways. Plus, my husband loves toys. However, I’ve never been able to get him to agree to a strap-on. Whatever the case, I firmly believe that size isn’t everything.
Fatima, 25*
My ex-boyfriend is light-skinned, and I’d always wondered what he looked like before we got intimate. However, the first time I saw his private parts, I couldn’t stop staring. His skin is a fair caramel colour, but his penis was so much darker in comparison. One would have thought he bleached his skin and left out that part of his body. I had to ask him if it was a health issue, but he laughed it off and said it was normal. It took some time to get used to the distinct imagery. Now, it’s something we joke about when we’re being silly.
Dera*, 23
I know pubic hair is normal, but I wasn’t expecting to find that much hair on “the twins”. It caught me off guard, and I may have giggled a bit. It was almost like holding a distressed volleyball. He later explained that it gets extremely itchy whenever he shaves his balls, so he doesn’t bother. I thought he would get offended, but he joked about the entire thing.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
What are your earliest memories of money?
Francis: I visited my cousin when I was around seven and was shocked to see he had money saved in a kolo. The money must’ve been like ₦50, but it was a huge discovery because it just clicked in my head that children could have money.
Helen: It’s funny how kolo is my earliest money memory, too. I was about nine years old when I watched my mum break her kolo after I complained about my teacher flogging me for not paying school fees. She gathered the money and dragged me to school to cuss out the teacher.
You didn’t know children could have money?
Francis: It wasn’t a thing in my house. My siblings and I were never given money for snacks in primary and secondary school because there was always home-cooked food. My mum was something of a “money police.” If any of us were found with money, we’d have to explain where it came from. So, anytime relatives dashed us money, we immediately gave it to our mum out of habit.
On the other hand, my dad didn’t take things seriously like that. When I entered secondary school, he let me keep the small change from the errands I ran for him.
I’m now curious about what money was like growing up
Helen: There wasn’t a lot. I lost my dad at 6. My mum said he was a banker, and we were ballers when he was alive. But I have no memory of this.
When he died, his siblings grabbed his properties and pushed my mum aside because she “only had one girl”.
My mum — who was previously a stay-at-home mum — had to start selling clothes to survive. I remember she fasted a lot, but I realised later that it may have been because there wasn’t enough food for us. She was the OG independent babe, though: I never saw her ask for help or handouts from anyone. She taught me how to hustle and not wait for no man to use ₦2k to shakara me.
Preach it
Francis: Things were different for me. Both parents worked in the civil service, so we didn’t struggle. My mum was just stingy. You had to present a dissertation to convince her that you needed to buy a bicycle.
Screaming
Francis: My dad was the lau lau spender, and this caused clashes between him and my mum. He once bought two of those big DSTV satellite dishes for the two TVs in the house without telling anyone and paid for the premium subscription. These things just came out and were crazy expensive.
My mum felt vindicated when he had issues at work in 2006 and was transferred out of spite to another department where he wasn’t getting as much money.
Wait. Tell me about that
Francis: There’s a lot of “chop, make I chop” in civil service, and everyone is involved in it somehow. My dad worked in procurement and handled contractor bids. He didn’t have the authority to accept or reject a bid — that came from the higher-ups. But it was obvious the contractors either “settled” the bosses or inflated the cost so they could use the excess to “show appreciation”.
No one will come and tell you directly, but you can hear that Oga is sharing ₦10k with everyone in the department for the weekend. So, he always had extra money apart from his salary.
Interesting
Francis: I think my dad started discussing with his colleagues how one contractor was doing rubbish but kept getting renewed. I don’t have the full story, but his comments may have rubbed some people off the wrong way. He got transferred, and the cash flow stopped. We didn’t go broke, but there was no more calling Daddy to buy ice cream when returning from work.
I think I got the lau lau spending from him, though. In 2009, I started writing notes and doing assignments for people in uni for random ₦1ks and ₦2ks just because I’d finish my ₦10k monthly allowance in a week buying suya for babes or buying them food, as per baba for the girls.
Helen: Wow. But me I didn’t see your money to chop o.
Wait. You both met in university?
Helen: Yes. In 2013. He was a final-year student, and I was a hustling second-year student. I’d just started selling chiffon shirts in the hostel to supplement my ₦5k allowance. We met through a mutual friend and started dating soon after.
Where were you both financially at this time? How come you didn’t see his money to chop?
Helen: I was making approximately ₦10k monthly from my business. I sold far more than that every month, but the profits weren’t all mine because I bought the shirts from an okrika vendor and added a small amount of money on top, so it’d still be affordable.
About not seeing his money to chop, I wasn’t looking for his money, TBH.
Francis: She’s the one Neyo talked about in ‘Miss Independent’. I was broke then, though. My dad had just retired, so money from home wasn’t regular. Any money I made from doing assignments or billing any of my older siblings went into my project and trying to stay afloat.
But you had time to get into a relationship. Love it
Francis: Wetin man go do? Looking back, I realise it wasn’t a great time to start a relationship. In 2014, I went for NYSC in a different state, and my income was ₦24,800 — NYSC allowance + a ₦5k stipend from my PPA. We had to navigate long-distance, which was hard. And then she lost her mum and decided she didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore.
Helen: Ah ah. It wasn’t like that.
So sorry about your loss. What was it like, though?
Helen: It was tough because I had to become solely responsible for myself. My aunt from my mum’s side who could help was also struggling, so I was basically on my own. I remember looking for ₦50k to sort out something at school, which seriously bothered me.
Whenever we talked on the phone, he’d ask several times what was wrong with me, but I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t want it to look like I expected him to start giving me money. So, I just told him we needed to take a break.
Why did you think sharing your problems meant you were asking for money?
Helen: It was something I subconsciously picked up from my mum. Growing up, she was very particular about me not depending on guys. We could be watching movies together, and she’d point out how the actress felt indebted to the guy because he helped her. Or how the guy thought the babe was billing him simply because she was sharing her issues.
I had a similar experience with a previous “toaster”. We were talking on the phone, and I randomly mentioned that I needed to end the call because my charger had issues; I couldn’t charge the phone and stay on the call. He said something like, “We haven’t even started dating, and you’re already telling me your problems.”
Ah.
So, it was like a reflex reaction to lock up and solve my problems myself. I wanted to be in a better place financially before focusing on relationships. It was time to double my hustle.
How did that go?
Helen: I did all sorts. I sold perfume oils, plantain chips and chin-chin at different points until my final year in 2016. Then, a friend introduced me to social media management, and it was like my big break. My first job paid ₦60k/month. When NYSC came around in 2017, my monthly income had grown to ₦90k.
Coincidentally, NYSC posted me to the state he lived and worked in, and we picked up the relationship again.
Who made the first move to pick things back up?
Helen: I did. It wasn’t like we broke up and became enemies; we were still in touch. He was hurt, but we still talked, and I knew he wasn’t seeing anyone. So, I told him we needed to see, and we just talked it through.
Was this because you were in a better place financially?
Helen: Exactly.
Francis: We didn’t get back together until we properly discussed what went wrong the first time. And that’s how I understood that she needed to do it for herself because of where she was coming from.
To be honest, a part of me initially thought she wanted to give us a try again because I’d become something of a big boy. I’d gotten into product design and had a ₦100k/month job. But if there’s anything she chases, it’s how to make her own money. We’ve been married for three years now, and she’s still the same independent, strong head.
What was dating like the second time? Were there other money clashes?
Helen: Oh, there were. We didn’t have money conversations the first time. Add that to the fact that we became long-distance shortly after we started dating; we didn’t navigate situations like who pays during the date or stuff like that.
But then we started dating again, and he’d take me for dates weekly and insist on paying. He’d also buy gifts when coming to visit me. I thought it was too much and told him so.
Francis: Me, I was confused. I thought I was doing what was expected, but she didn’t like it. It caused some arguments because I thought she wasn’t being appreciative. I told my friends, and some of them thought I was a lucky bastard. Others suggested she had someone else giving her more money.
How did you both navigate this?
Helen: It took a while, but I got better at letting him know that I appreciated him wanting to take care of me, but I didn’t want to feel too relaxed or dependent. More importantly, I wanted to chip in too.
Francis: So, we developed a turn-by-turn approach to our dates. I’d pay today, and she’d pay the next time we went out. I didn’t compromise on gifting, though. I still bought them as regularly as I wanted.
What’s the most expensive gift you ever got her?
Francis: A piece of land just before our wedding in 2020. I knew she wanted to own land one day and had saved up about ₦200k for it. A friend told me about a really good real estate deal, and I thought it was perfect for her. The cost was about ₦1m.
So I told her about it and said I’d pay the balance. The ₦800k was money I’d gathered from a work bonus and other monies towards the wedding. But it was COVID year, and no one was doing big parties anyway, so it all worked out.
Helen: It’ll always be the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.
That’s really sweet. How does money work in your home now?
Helen: We go 50/50 on everything. It sounds like we see finances as an individual thing, but it’s a joint feature in our lives.
Please explain
Helen: We have a joint account, and once we get our salaries, we send half of it to that account. We use the money in that account to settle our ₦650k/year rent, utility bills, food and other home expenses. The other half of our salaries is for each person to handle personal savings or other needs, including buying each other gifts.
Francis: Sometimes, if the joint expense is more than what we have in our joint account, we contribute equally from our savings to take care of it.
How did you decide this was what worked for you guys?
Helen: I’ve always struggled with depending totally on people. So, if he isn’t handling all the expenses, how do we decide who handles what? 50/50 seemed straightforward, and it’s worked well for us so far.
Does “so far” mean it could change in the future?
Helen: Maybe. Especially if we have kids. Right now, the plan is to get nannies so I can work. But if, for any reason, having kids reduces my earning power, we’ll have to revisit our 50/50 strategy to fit our new reality.
You mentioned personal savings. How much do you both have saved right now?
Francis: I don’t have savings. I still have a spending problem, and sometimes I run to my wife to borrow money till the month’s end. But to be fair, I mostly spend it buying gifts for her. She doesn’t ask, but gift-giving is what I do for people I care about.
There’s also black tax. I send ₦60k to my parents in a good month. Sometimes more. They’re old and always need one medicine or the other.
Helen: I have about ₦500k in my savings. It’d be more if this uncle regularly repays what he borrows with actual money rather than payments “in kind”.
I’m dying. It looks like saving comes easier to you
Helen: It does. Most of my interests aren’t capital-intensive. My idea of enjoyment is staying home alone and watching movies. Plus, there’s no black tax anywhere.
What do joint expenses in a typical month look like for you?
How would you describe each other’s relationship with money?
Helen: He has an “it’s for spending” mindset about money. I know it is for spending, but how you spend it also matters. I’ve tried to get him to use an expense tracker, but he says it’s too much work.
Francis: On the other hand, I think she needs to take money less seriously. Her scarcity mindset sometimes makes her forget that we aren’t doing too badly for ourselves.
How do you both reconcile these differences?
Helen: I went into our marriage expecting I’d be able to influence his spending behaviours directly. But that was a recipe for disaster. He thought I was nagging, and we had a bit of friction. But I’ve learned to leave him to it. He contributes his part to the home expenses, so I try not to overthink what he does with his money. I know his intentions are from a good place.
Francis: I jokingly call her the family accountant. I try to convince her to live a little, but her money habits don’t really hurt anyone, so we just take it a day at a time.
What’s something you wish you could be better at financially?
Francis: Investments. Saving doesn’t work for me because looking at the money is enough reason to spend it. But if it’s locked somewhere, I have no choice but to wait it out. I’m also wary of investments that will carry my money away, so I’m still carefully considering my options.
Helen: I’ll say investments too — specifically foreign investments. The way the naira is falling these days is enough to tell anyone that keeping money in naira won’t do any good.
Is there something you want, but can’t afford?
Helen: A house.
Francis: We have yet to make any concrete plans, but it’ll definitely be our next big project within the next five years.
How much do you think you should both be earning by then?
Helen: At least $1,500/month. I know several colleagues who work with international organisations, so that’s my next career goal. There’s a limit to how much a content strategist can make with Nigerian companies; I don’t want that to limit me. I’m focused on building a personal brand to pitch myself to my international startups.
Francis: Any amount in dollars is okay for me, really. The naira is terrible, and I feel like I could be earning ₦600k tomorrow, but my earning power would be the same as my current salary because of inflation. I plan to keep changing jobs till I get there.
How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?
Helen: 6. I’m doing okay, but I need to earn in dollars before I feel like I’m being adequately compensated for my work.
Francis: Also a 6. But my score is because I know I still have a long way to go to achieve financial discipline.
Editor’s note: Names have been changed for anonymity.
If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.
