The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
Darryl and I have been dating for about 10 months, so it’s still early. We’ll celebrate our first anniversary in July.
How did you meet?
We met at a mutual friend’s baby shower, and sparks flew. I went to his house the next day for a home-cooked dinner date, and we’ve been inseparable since. It felt like I’d known him all my life, and we were just meant to be together. Darryl feels the same way, too.
It’s giving whirlwind romance
It was really fast. We probably should have taken the time to know each other better first, but the chemistry was hot. We’re smitten with each other, and it shows. Our mutual friend always jokes that I’d have met the love of my life sooner if I weren’t such a homebody. And it’s true.
I’ve known our mutual friend since uni, and Darryl has been a family friend with her for about two years. Our paths didn’t cross earlier because I never go anywhere. Even that baby shower, I almost didn’t attend because of sleep. Thank God I did.
Is there a reason you feel you should’ve gotten to know each other better first?
It would’ve just made transitioning into a relationship easier. I’d already know things he wasn’t comfortable with and be more sensitive, and vice versa.
For example, on our third date, Darryl took me to a high-end restaurant. When the ₦140k bill came, I brought out my card and offered to pay half of the bill. But Darry became upset and thought I was implying he couldn’t afford it.
I didn’t mean to imply that at all. I just didn’t expect the bill to be so expensive, and I didn’t want him to see me as a broke babe. Or someone who needed a man to handle my bills. Looking back, I didn’t need to do that because Darryl isn’t broke either. I guess I’ve just seen different kinds of shege from Nigerian men, and I wanted to cover the basics.
The restaurant incident led to our first disagreement. I didn’t understand why he was so offended, and he thought I wasn’t taking his feelings seriously. I can’t remember how we settled, but it most likely ended in bed. That’s how most of our disagreements have ended.
Wiun! What are your financial situations like?
I don’t know how much Darryl makes, but he’s a lawyer and his family is pretty well-connected. He also lives alone in one of the city’s most expensive neighbourhoods, so I know he has money.
I earn ₦500k/month from my 9-5 as a product designer. Also, I regularly get side gigs that bring me an average of ₦250k monthly. I live with family and only touch my salary for personal needs.
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What kind of money conversations do you and Darryl have?
He occasionally sends me money — usually ₦100k — with narrations like “change your hairstyle,” but I don’t think those count as conversations. We really don’t talk a lot about money, to be honest. I don’t ask him for money, and he doesn’t ask me for money.
Sometimes, he takes me out on dates and handles the bills. I’ve also initiated the dates a few times, and I pay for them. We see things the other person might like and buy for each other. We haven’t been dating long, so I think it’s pretty early to discuss our finances and account balances. We don’t have joint expenses, so knowing his salary isn’t exactly a pressing issue, and I don’t intend to tell him mine.
Darryl probably thinks I earn around the ₦250k range because I once accidentally mentioned the figure while ranting about my client delaying payment. I wasn’t happy about the slip-up, but it’s not my actual salary, so I didn’t overthink it.
It sounds like you don’t want him to know how much you earn
Oh, I definitely don’t want him to know how much I earn. Even if he ever asks me, I’ll never tell him the full amount. Like I said, I’ve experienced plenty shege with Nigerian men.
I dated someone who treated me like trash because he had more money than I did. I thought, “Okay then. Let me get my money up.” So, I started making money and started forming intentional babe for my next couple of boyfriends. You know, loaning (and even dashing them) money and buying them stuff. Those ones used “You’re a big girl now” to chop my money and cheated on me on top of that.
I’m not about to put myself in those situations again. I’ve also heard several horror stories of women being forced to be breadwinners or indirectly ending up giving all their money to their men for one reason or another. I can’t trust or love any man with my money.
Have you heard stories of men crashing out because they discovered their wives had hidden wealth?
Yeah. Why?
I aspire to be like those women. My focus now is growing my income, having a healthy safety net, and having tons of investments stashed away.
It’s not because I believe Darryl will turn on me or because I want to deceive him; I just don’t want to be unprepared if shit hits the fan one day.
I assume Darryl doesn’t know about this plan
He doesn’t. But I don’t see how it should be a problem if he ever finds out. I’m storing money away for my future. If he has a problem with it, then that’s a red flag. It’s not like I’m stealing from you or draining your account to make mine fatter. I’m just being smart with my safety net.
What does that safety net look like right now?
I’ve been consistently saving since 2023 and have about ₦3.8 m in my savings. My goal is to invest in real estate and stocks so I can make passive income from both and still have physical assets. If I hope to achieve this in the next five years, I’ll probably need to unlock a new income level, preferably in dollars.
You mentioned dates and gifts earlier. Do you have a budget for those?
I have a strict ₦150k monthly budget for everything enjoyment-related. Random food cravings and outings, as well as dates and gifts, fall under this budget.
Darryl handles most of the dates, so I do those maybe once every two months. The dates I initiate are mostly indoors, so I just buy food to cook or order takeout. That’s a maximum of ₦40k.
Gifts are usually t-shirts, perfumes, and Shambhala bracelets. Actually, I buy him the perfumes, and then steal them back when I visit him, haha. For his birthday, I splurged and got him a pair of shoes for ₦75k. That month, I banished all my cravings so I wouldn’t go over budget.
How are you both thinking about future plans for your relationship?
I know we’re definitely together for the long haul, but we’ve not talked about marriage. We’re both just taking each day at a time. The first few months of our relationship were just red-hot romance, and we’re just starting to settle into a pattern and see how things work. I’m not trying to rush anything, and neither is he. Let’s just enjoy the now.
How about what you’d like your finances to look like in the future?
I’d really like us to own a business together one day. I keep telling Darryl he has a brilliant entrepreneurial mind, but he doesn’t see it. I hope I can get him to stop overthinking it one day and allow my power couple dreams to come true.
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*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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