Can any self-respecting food lover really give themselves the “foodie” title if they haven’t done some form of culinary excursion? I mean, it’s not only about being able to differentiate between pounded and poundo yam.
That’s where we come in. By the time you experience these food festivals, you’ll be more than deserving of your “food lover” ID card.
Bole Festival
Whether you spell it as “bole” or “boli”, this should be the first stop on your food tour. You’d be surprised by the different bole recipes available. Warning: You may never eat it with groundnuts again.
Image: Bole Festival on X
Burning Ram
If you think about it, meat may be every food lover’s origin story. Almost all of us passed through a stealing-meat-from-the-pot phase — don’t even deny it. Burning Ram celebrates the Nigerian culture of meat and grill, and the best part? As of the date of publishing, you can still be a part of the 2023 edition.
New Yam Festival
Yam is the Nigerian staple, not jollof rice. How else do you explain how almost every state and tribe in the country has their own version of a New Yam Festival? For the Igbos, it’s typically celebrated after the rainy season in August, and referred to as “Iwa ji” or “Iri ji”. For the Yorubas, especially in Ekiti, it is termed “Odun Ijesu”. Irrespective of what tribe you celebrate with, you’re sure to find yam delicacies of all types, music, dance and masquerade displays at a New Yam Festival.
Image: The Guardian Nigeria
West Africa Food Festival
This festival is proof you don’t have to japa to expand your tastebuds. As the name implies, this festival involves celebrating the dishes and culinary culture of West African countries. The annual festival is typically held in the countries along West Africa, and 2022’s edition was in Lagos. It features food, competitions and wine tastings.
Image: Flickr
Lagos Seafood Festival
You might think you like seafood, but have you really had everything the sea has to offer if you haven’t eaten stuff like octopus or human-sized fish? The annual festival was rebranded to “Lagos Food Festival” in 2022, but you’re still sure to find interesting sea creatures when you attend.
Argungu Festival
The cultural festival has increasingly become associated with food, as it involves a fishing competition to catch the biggest fish. It happens in Kebbi over a four-day period every year and features agricultural showcases, musical performances as well as wrestling and swimming competitions.
The winner of the 2020 fishing competition was awarded ₦10m, two cars and two seats to Hajj. Excuse me while I go learn how to fish.
Image: The Nation
Calabar Carnival
Termed “Africa’s biggest street party”, the carnival celebrates the Cross River culture, but the cuisine is a huge part of it. It’s an annual four-day event that features a food festival of its own, with rich Efik cuisine, grills and drinks.
Image: The Whistler
Jos Food Festival
If you’ve ever entertained curiosity about what food on the Plateau tastes like, you might want to add the Jos Food Festival to your itinerary. It features indigenous food displays and local musical performances.
Image: Sunday Alamba
PS: You can’t have read up to this point without signing up for Burning Ram. Do it now.
It’s killing everyone. The enlistment and support would be overwhelming.
Bank charges
Imagine getting debited every time just for terrible services. The Nigerian Armed Forces would be fighting for a good cause if they faced these banks.
Our right to soft vacations
What’s the point of a country that can’t make it easy for you to take periodic breaks from it? Everything from travel bans to visa restrictions is stressing Nigerians out. We deserve soft vacations first.
Passport office billing
The Nigerian passport is already worth little. What’s the point of billing us to death before we get it?
Semo
The best time to get rid of semo was before it was invented. The second best time is now. This food is a crime against us as a nation, and something needs to be done about it.
People who hate dodo
They’re clearly enemies of progress, and we don’t need them at this critical point in the life of our dear country.
Lagos traffic
The constant traffic on Lagos roads is a matter of national urgency. It’s shortening our life span every single day.
They already stress you every day, and they still want to charge you for it? No. It cannot happen.
Or your Bolt driver wants extra money
They’ll say fuel is crazy expensive, but it’s not affecting them alone. The app has already increased price. They should leave the rest to God.
When food passes you by at a party
You mean you’re just going to sit there and be mature about the fact that you’ll be leaving an owambe without tasting rice? Come off it.
Or when they tell you meat has finished
It’s a different story if you’re a vegetarian. But if you really like meat, what’s the point of hiding your pain?
When someone takes too much time at the ATM stand
Be the smaller person by kneeling down to beg them for funds since they have too much of it.
If you’re arguing with an agbero
In this scenario, change our advice from “go lower” to “lay low”, and you’ll be safe.
When salary doesn’t enter on salary date
If your salary always takes too long to drop, why are you working fast and getting everything done quickly? Take your time too. Obviously, no one around you is in a rush.
I’m a first-born daughter and that meant that from an early age, I had to fill in for my mum who had a full-time job. I hated every minute of it because I didn’t even know what I was doing. I learned to cook at age 7 and I was in charge of all house chores. I thought it’d get better when I left for university, and it did for a while. But then I graduated from school and got an awesome job. I started making my own money, and requests for financial assistance have been pouring in from everyone. I’m back here, living my life for them, and it feels like there’ll never be an end to it.
“Losing my dad forced me to grow up” — Daniel, 24
I had a sheltered background, but everything changed when I lost my dad. I was 16 at the time, and I had two other siblings. My mum was a petty trader, so we quickly went from being relatively comfortable to very poor. What made it worse was that we weren’t close to the extended family, and my parents were all I had.
I had to make money to survive somehow because my mother still had two kids (14 and 12) to take care of. I started with the easiest thing I could think of — laundry. I was washing clothes for my classmates for ₦200 a piece, even missing classes sometimes. I quickly became popular for this and soon started my own laundromat in school. My grades weren’t bad, but I’d gotten too preoccupied with making money that I’d lost interest in school.
Eventually, I discovered tech through a friend and started learning how to code. I was 19 at this point and I already had a lot of money saved up from my business. I shut it down to focus on school and coding. I graduated at 20 and got my first job two months before graduation. In many ways, losing my dad forced me to grow up faster. Even though I’m sad that he’s gone, I’m still grateful for the road that brought me here.
“I wasn’t ready to go to the university when I did” — Feyi, 29
Growing up, I was the ideal child. I was well-behaved, got good grades, and made my parents proud. I even skipped two classes in secondary school and got into the university at 14. It’s not that I was done with secondary school, but I’d taken JAMB and GCE in SS2 and passed really well. I got admitted to study medicine and my life pretty much looked like a straight line towards becoming a doctor at 20.
I got into school and quickly found out how brutal it was. I wasn’t used to the long classes. I’d never lived outside of home, and I didn’t even know how to take care of myself outside the influence of my parents. But that was easy to learn. The hardest part was blending in with people who were several years older than me.
I had classmates who had boyfriends, and who’d talk about sex like it wasn’t a big deal. Meanwhile, the closest thing I ever had to a boyfriend was a class crush that lasted one term. I didn’t even know “Netflix and Chill” meant something else until my third year in school.
Even though I’ve always been proud of the fact that I grew up fast and had excellent grades, I realized that I had poor social skills.Growing up too fast had done nothing to prepare me for life in school.
“My parents were never around so I had no choice” — Ibrahim, 22
My parents worked late every day, and they went to parties on weekends. It also didn’t help that I was the first of five kids. We used to have a maid, but she was sent away after she had a physical fight with my mum. Somehow, all her duties were transferred to me when I was only 8.
I’d take care of my siblings after school and wash their uniforms. I cooked most of the food we ate, and I did most of the chores around the house, with my siblings doing as little as possible because they were really young. The worst part was that I had mischievous siblings, who made sure I always got into trouble with our parents for things they did. That gave me a huge sense of responsibility to keep them in check. It’s probably why I’m such a control freak now. But looking back, the experience gave me invaluable life skills.
“I started working when I was 15” — Amaka, 25
My family fell on hard times after my father died, and my mum didn’t have enough money to support all four of us through school. After I graduated from secondary school, my mum told me to wait a few years and work before going to university. This was so she could have enough money to support my two other siblings through school.
I started out working as a waiter at a nearby restaurant for ₦15,000 monthly when I should have been in school. A lot of it was demeaning and I was sacked two years later when I slapped a customer who tried to harass me. With the help of someone I met at the restaurant, I went on to learn how to import shoes from China and sell them for huge profits. In my first round of sales, I made ₦90,000 in profit. That was the highest amount of money I’d ever seen in my life at that time.
I continued with the business and used the money to support the family and enrol in school. It wasn’t the most horrible experience, but it forced me to grow up and learn to fend for myself.
On July 8, 2023, Funferekenye “Bodiowei” Koroye was called out on social media for years of abusive behaviour against his ex-partners. The allegations include emotional manipulation, stalking and rape.
What do we know about Funfere?
According to his website, Funfere is an industrial product designer. He previously worked at Daywater Care School, Antler Global, African for African Sports (AFA Sports) and Tecno Mobile.
Funfere is currently an ambassador for The Balvenie Distillery in Nigeria, and he runs a company called Studio Koroye. He is also a recipient of TechNation’s talent visa grant.
His last tweet on 7, July 2023 a day before he was called out.
He’s also active on Instagram — where he allegedly makes frequent sexist comments.
Some comments from Instagram users on Instablog page. Apparently, Funfere Koroye is well known for his anti-women comments on Instagram. This is why we say being anti-women isn’t just an “online personality” for most men, it’s exactly who they are. pic.twitter.com/woLIm9ahWp
On July 1, 2023, Ozzy Etomi tweeted about needing help for a woman who was being stalked and harassed by her ex.
If a person (in Nigeria), is being constantly stalked and harrassed by their violent ex (who battered them in the relationship), whats their best course of action. Are there any orgs that help? Do restraining orders even work? He constantly finds where she works, lives etc
A few days later, on July 8th, Ozzy made a follow-up thread that went viral. It details the events at an art opening Rele Gallery, where Funfere Koroye publicly attacked his ex, in the presence of multiple witnesses.
I was approached 2 weeks ago by a concerned third party, about a woman who was terrified of her ex who had been stalking, harrassing and threatening her for 2+ years, following a physically abusive relationship. If you recall I came on twitter asking if any orgs could help.
A few days after her friend reached out to me, she attended an artist opening at Rele Gallery, where said ex, the man who happens to be Funfere Koroye, attacked her publicly in view of multiple eye witnesses.
Turns out the first tweet about needing help for a victim of harassment was for the lady Funfere attacked at the art gallery, and she attached further proof of his violence.
In this short clip, you see the equally short gentleman charge through the crowd once he sees her walk in with her friend. People immediately intervene attempting to drag him out & she also leaves. He allegedly keeps trying to hit her and follows her to her car to drag her out. pic.twitter.com/fuaIZyYfUj
In this other clip, you see witnesses who were outside seeing him attack a woman intervene and start fighting the little tazmanian devil back pic.twitter.com/WOUd4R4Ex7
At the time of publication, there’s no sign that Funfere has been invited for questioning by relevant authorities. However, the Lagos Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Agency (DSVA) Lagos DSVA have responded and are on top of the situation.
Our attention has been drawn to this & would appreciate any additional information that can be given.
We are desirous of working with the survivor in ensuring she receives support, protection and justice.
Please feel free to contact us via direct message or call 0813-796-0048 https://t.co/XF6iF5tjtY
Funfere is yet to respond to the allegations, but on the 23rd of July 2023, he posted the image below on his Instagram page, captioned “Thank You For Everything.”
In a now-deleted response to a comment, he revealed that he has lost a brand ambassadorship deal and his business incubator spot.
We saw Dangote’s bum on the internet
No one asked for this. No one thought it was possible. But it happened. Why?
People moaned for money on the internet
Even if you’re not a believer in the end times, listening to a moaning contest on Twitter should’ve been enough to convince you that this life is a game on someone’s laptop. What’s more, the person playing it is bored and just poking around.
Will Smith slapped Chris Rock
And we all watched it live. Was that even real?
Our currency had the ugliest makeover
Look at these notes and tell me they look real to you. Even when you’re holding them, they don’t look real.
Naira gained value against the naira
Naira has been falling against the dollar all our lives, so that’s normal. But just six months ago, naira was gaining against the naira in the parallel POS market. We were buying cash with more cash. Crazy times.
The Ooni of Ife became King Solomon
He was taking wives faster than some of us can get through one talking stage. At the end of two months, this man had six wives. The stuff of legend… or scriptures.
World War 3 almost happened
Remember that time they bombed one of the top generals in Iran, and we were all making jokes on Twitter about another world war? What were we thinking?
The worst part: being Nigerian in Nigeria
Everyday here is an exercise in figuring out if it’s real life. The cost of staying alive is unreal; it feels like the people behind this simulation want us to leave by force.
We know you don’t want to go out because you’re broke. But what if you step out and find money on the road? Have you thought about that? You’ll probably turn to yam but that’s not on us sha.
You can finally take that social media break
You’ve been saying you’ll take a Twitter break for ages. This is an opportunity to do it. Why are you complaining?
You can finally get over your ex
You’re stalking them everyday because you’re always on your phone and you see their posts all the time. Block them, go outside and meet new people.
You might find love
Go outside and meet people. At least one of them will like you.
You can finally have a career
They say you need 10,000 hours to become an expert at anything. You’ve probably put in that much time tweeting and arguing online. Isn’t it time you dropped your phone and focused all that time on your career? Maybe you’ll finally get that promotion you’ve been eyeing.
Your anger levels will reduce
When you go out and spend an arm and a leg on transport fare, you’ll be too tired to get angry at people on the internet.
Also read: When last did you touch grass?
You can have content for your social media
Even if you must stay online, at least go out so you can have something to show the internet too. You don’t want to be dumping memes only when you could be dumping lit pictures at the end of every month.
Marriage pacts only exist in Hollywood movies. Or so I thought until I came across this tweet.
So I reached out to Clara, who explained that even though people think she and her best friend, Timi, are holding out for each other, the idea behind the pact is much different. But why make the pact, and what does it really mean to them?
This is Clara’s story, as told to Boluwatife
Image: Chris F via Pexels
I met Timi in 2015, when we were in SS 2 of the same secondary school. But we didn’t really consider each other as friends.
We started talking when our school set up extra lessons to pump our class with as much knowledge as possible for the coming Cambridge IGCSE exams. This happened over a two-month period between August and September.
He used to sit behind me during prep period, and at first, we only talked about the lessons. In fact, he’s the reason I know mathematics today. He sucked at English, which I was great at, but was better at maths. It was a help-me-I-help-you situation.
Our relationship didn’t progress past classmates till we went home for a two-week break after the Cambridge extra lessons. We got each other’s numbers from the school’s group chat, and would randomly chat. Timi had this friend I liked, so I was trying to confirm with him whether his friend liked me too.
We resumed SS 3 in October and bonded over him trying to help me get together with his friend — classic Hollywood rubbish — and still assisting each other to prepare for exams. I helped him with essays and biology, and he helped me with stuff like matrix and coding. We also read together in the library. The exams came in November, and it was stressful. Not everyone wrote the Cambridge exams, so it became a shared experience we could talk and complain to each other about.
I later quit trying to date his friend because I started liking someone else. And that’s when it became apparent that Timi and I were friends beyond me trying to date his friend. We’d even stopped talking about the guy at that time. We’d started talking about how different our lives would be in a year, when we’d leave for university in other countries. He was to leave for Canada, and I, the UK. We soon left school for Christmas break and kept in touch.
On Christmas Day 2015, we officially agreed to be friends. My mum’s boyfriend decided to take her, my sister and I to a Chinese restaurant that day. It was strange because we typically spent Christmas at home; I’m usually lukewarm to the season.
I texted Timi about it; something like, “You’re a new person in my life, so maybe that’s why I’m doing something new for Christmas.” He asked where we went because his family also went out. I mentioned the place, and it turned out he was also there. What are the odds that we were at the same place at the same time? We met at the reception and spoke for a while. Then he said it was the first time he’d see someone outside school and actually be happy to meet them. I said, “At this point, we’re actually friends”. It was the first time we mentioned being friends.
Our relationship became even better after that. We spent more time together, and on December 31, he went, “Now that we’re friends, I hope to have you in my life every last day of the year”.
The moment I started thinking of Timi as my best friend was when he did something for me that no one else had ever done. There was this book I was reading in the library, “Her Mother’s Hope” by Francine Rivers. It had about a thousand pages, and I couldn’t finish it in one go because I only had a three-hour library time. It was also popular among library goers; people used to rush it. This guy actually hid the book somewhere only I’d find it in the library. He did that until I finished reading it. It was so thoughtful that he considered my enjoyment.
For him, he started thinking of me as his best friend when I showed him my appendectomy scar in school. I just found that out when he mentioned it during an interview we had with my friend Jojo in February 2023 — for a friendship-inspired Valentine’s blog. It was the first time someone did a story about our friendship.
Leaving secondary school was an emotional period because we thought we’d never see each other again. He left for Canada soon after, but I delayed my UK plan and went to a university in Nigeria instead. We kept in touch with calls and texts, but our friendship affected some of our other relationships because we were young and didn’t understand how our closeness could make other people feel a type of way.
One of my exes didn’t understand why I’d drop everything once it was time to jump on a call with Timi. To me, it was “Timi time”. One of his exes also asked him to choose between me and her. He chose me, and that’s how wahala started; she left. I think we were just excited about being each other’s person. I learnt how to be a friend through Timi. I had no real understanding of friendship before him.
After 2016, when he left for Canada, we didn’t see each other again till 2018. It was a tough year for both of us. Timi was going through mental health issues; finding his feet in a new environment wasn’t easy. My boyfriend at the time had just passed away in a car accident. Our shared grief brought us together again. Timi flew to Nigeria because he didn’t want me to bury my dead alone. I still remember hugging him for the longest time, and looking at him, happy I could touch him again.
By 2021, I was in my last semester at university and decided I wanted to be a hoe. The thing is, I’m not good at relationships. Neither is Timi. But it’s not because we’re holding out for each other, as people assume. I have some very unorthodox “doctrines”. For example, I believe you should be able to confirm from a potential partner’s ex whether the person they’re a good partner or not. I know I’m a good partner, but I don’t know what it is. We just don’t tend to date people for a long time.
When I decided to be a hoe, I had a series of short flings with about seven people within a span of six months. I talked to Timi about how I was about to leave yet another fling, and he said he’d just left someone too and that he didn’t know if something was wrong with him because the girl was nice. I joked about us possibly losing our future spouses due to our unseriousness. He said he wasn’t worried because if, in the end, we didn’t marry, we’d just marry each other. It was just a joke at the time, but we kept reaffirming it and even told friends. What people don’t get is that, it’s not a thing of surrender. It’s our way of telling ourselves we’d never truly be alone because we’ll always have each other.
I know many people, even many of our friends, will never believe we’re just friends. We don’t mention the pact to potential partners because we’ve learned from how we handled our friendship in past relationships, and I try not to present him as a threat. It’s not like we’re hiding the pact — obviously, it’s viral now — but we downtone it in respect of the other people in our lives.
My mum thinks I’m wasting my time and should just marry someone who understands my on-and-off nature. She thinks my relationships don’t last because I’m unconsciously saving myself for him and that when we’re done being children, we’d marry. But we’re not just settling for each other. We’d only marry if it’s in the cards and the stars align.
My friendship with Timi is one of the strongest relationships I have right now. We have calls that last till midnight, where we’d talk about everything and anything.
Have I ever thought about what it’d be like if we were actually together? Yes, but I always give myself a reality check. I’m in the UK now — he’s still in Canada — and I’m not a long-distance relationship girl. I don’t see the need to ask if he’s thought about the possibility of a relationship because it’ll unnecessarily put us both in an uncomfortable position and might ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Why ruin this good thing all because of “Does he love me? Will it work?” questions? I don’t know if he’s ever entertained such thoughts, but I know I don’t need to prod him into any romantic situation. If it’ll happen, it’ll happen. We’re both 23 and single now, so we have seven years till we’re 30, to do magic and find someone.
I caused my first and only real heartbreak at 21, but even though it felt like tearing my heart out, I’d do it again if I had to.
I met Joseph* in 2014, our first year at the university. We were still settling into school life, and he was this active, outspoken guy who seemed to be everywhere at once. I, on the other hand, was what you’d describe as a wallflower. When the time came for us to choose a class governor, he was the obvious choice. That was how we got close. A lecturer had given us an assignment due at the end of the day, and I was nowhere near finished, so I met Joseph and begged him to delay submitting everyone’s work by an hour. He did, and that’s how we became friends.
He soon started telling me he liked me, and I liked how it seemed he only had eyes for me. We started dating about a month after the assignment incident and were together through all five years in school. It wasn’t all smooth, though.
Joseph was a loud and very ambitious person, a walking representation of an “I must get everything I want” mantra. He always wanted to be better than everyone, the poster boy of success. I’m the direct opposite of that.
As the daughter of a preacher, I grew up with a contentment mentality. My siblings and I were taught to enjoy the simple things — food, a roof over our heads and just enough money to meet our basic needs and maybe help those around us. Even though I started rebelling against religion around the time I entered university, I still have the same mindset. Economists tell us that man’s needs are unlimited; we’ll always want the next big thing. That sounds like a wasted life to me, where you can’t enjoy what you have because something else looks better, and you just need to have it. For as long as I can remember, I’ve just wanted to be. Not to want something so much, it affects my life.
This personality clash was the major cause of the fights Joseph and I had.
When he ventured into student union politics in our second year, he struggled to understand why I thought he needed to focus on his studies instead. He also didn’t understand why I was angry that he decided to spend all his savings on a Nokia Lumia when he still had a perfectly working phone because, in his words, “Everyone is using Nokia Lumia now”.
He also expected me to get that his sudden friendship and partying with shady guys on campus was because he needed to boost his street credibility ahead of running for student union president. Through all this, it didn’t occur to me to leave him. He was all I knew, and maybe this was due to his “must-have-everything” nature, but he constantly showered me with love and attention. There was no reason for me to want more.
The extent of how far he’d go for success only became fully apparent to me after we left school in 2019. He didn’t go for service immediately because he had to sort out some issues with the school’s senate, so I worked my NYSC posting to the same state we were in so he wouldn’t feel left out, and I’d be closer to him.
But even with that, he started getting frustrated about his mates being ahead of him, so he told me he’d decided to make money via internet fraud. I was shocked. This was someone whose parents were quite comfortable and who lacked nothing. His rationale was, Nigeria didn’t reward honest work, and that his parent’s money was theirs, not his. He gave two of his cousins as examples. They’d been working for about four years at the time, but still couldn’t afford a car. As is typical of him, he gave what he thought were convincing reasons why he had to “make a name” for himself. He said it was so he could also provide for me. He assured me he’d only do it for a few years until he made enough money to leave the country.
That’s when I mentally checked out of the relationship. If he could go this far to make money he didn’t really need, what happens if he someday became broke? I knew I had to leave, but I didn’t know how. Then about four months later, in late 2019, he landed a tech job. I was relieved, thinking it’d be the end of internet fraud. But remember what the economists say? He was used to having more and didn’t want to be limited to a salary, so he still did fraud on the side. That was what finally gave me the courage to end the relationship. I cried for weeks after, but I know it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
He’s a high-flying tech bro now — I see his exploits every now and then on LinkedIn — but I know he’ll always be looking for the next big thing, legal or not. I can’t live like that. If I’d stayed, we’d probably be a “power couple”, but I wouldn’t be at peace. I may never gather enough money from my 9-5 to go on a luxury vacation or japa, but I’m fulfilled with what I have; a career, friends and good health. I’m at peace.
*Names have been changed to protect their identity.
