(Zikoko arrives at 5pm, sweating profusely after waiting all day for this interview)

Zikoko: Good evening sir (Gives the Nigerian nod of respect). I’ve been waiting outside since 7 am.

Ikoyi Registry: Sorry, that was the 200th couple this week.

Zikoko: Mad o

Ikoyi Registry: It’s crazy. So, how can I help you?

Zikoko: We’ve been looking for you so we can talk about the scarcity of appointment dates but you’re more unavailable than Davido. What’s going on?

Ikoyi Registry: Nigerians won’t let me rest.

Zikoko: What did they do?

Ikoyi Registry: They want to kill me with work. Wedding every single day. Don’t you people get tired? Because I am o.

Zikoko: You’re meant to join people together, not put asunder. You have no choice in this matter, dear.

Ikoyi Registry: You can’t tell me what to do

Zikoko: Oya, what do you want to do?

Ikoyi Registry: Why are you people always getting married? Even as you’re always at each other’s neck on the internet.

Zikoko: Of course, we are. Lagos men are trash.

Ikoyi Registry: My records say otherwise.

Zikoko: That’s your problem. What are you going to do about how hard it is to book appointments with you? Do something and do it fast, please.

Ikoyi Registry: I’m not doing anything. I just want to retire. Two needs to stop becoming one every day.

Zikoko: That’s none of your business now, what’s your purpose for existing again?

Ikoyi Registry: So, I should come and die?

Zikoko: Oya calm down. What do you want people to do? They shouldn’t get married again?

Ikoyi Registry: Tone it down a little. Or plan it amongst yourselves and try not to kill me with work. I have my own relationships too.

Zikoko: With who, Nigeria?

Ikoyi Registry: Get out of my office. Security!

NEXT READ: Interview With the Naira: “Just Add a Little Yeast” 


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.