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We suggest you find a new job before you start the fights.
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Is it time to put on your boxing gloves?
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We’re not saying you should physically fight these people. We’re just saying, with the current state of Nigeria’s economy, anyone trying to make you cough out ridiculous amounts of money for the barest minimum should catch these hands.
Nail techs that charge more than 20k
If anyone’s charging you more than 20k in present-day Nigeria for nail extensions, they’re your opp. Ask them to catch you outside.
Real estate agents and landlords
They belong to the same WhatsApp group because they want you to pay insane amounts of money on houses that cosplay as boxes and have slices of windows. You should actually call boys for them so that you’re not fighting alone.
Restaurants
After you’ve fought landlords and agents, you can go outside and ask restaurant owners to square up. Yes, they’re paying their rent in millions, but why do they want to use you to clear their gbese? Why is a milkshake 15k?
Banks
At this point, they’re all the same. The new ones, the old ones, all of them seem to have sworn an oath to stress and frustrate us all . So, the next time your bank makes you question your will to live, don’t just swear for them. You should actually go to the closest branch, and show them that they aren’t the only ones that can frustrate people. If they have no physical branches, drag them everywhere online.
Instagram vendors
Not all of them, just the ones that don’t respond on time after you pay, or lie about delivering your stuff and still send you things that will have you doing “what I ordered vs what i got”.
Your employer
Yes, you won’t be able to pay your bills without them, but look at it. Does your salary match your workload, or are they trying to suck your life’s worth because of said salary?
Any business charging in dollars
I understand that it’s 2023, but this is also Nigeria. The economy is rubbish, and the exchange rate is even more rubbish, so anyone asking you to pay for their services in dollars hates you and wants your downfall.
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You think you’re strong till you get into a fight with an animal. Take this quiz to know which one will disgrace you.
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Nothing gets the internet going like a hot and spicy celebrity showdown. From Olamide dividing Lagos into two (one for him and the other for Don Jazzy) to Wizkid dragging Davido by his invisible edges by likening his voice to that of a frog, the internet has given us some of the most hilarious beefs of the decade.
Olamide vs. Don Jazzy (2016)
Remember the time Olamide banned Don Jazzy from the mainland and told him to #LeaveTrashForLawma? We do too! This beef which started at the 2015 Headies after Reekado Bankz (Mavin) won the next rated award over Lil Kesh (YBNL), was one of the biggest celebrity showdowns we’ve witnessed in real-time, and probably the last time people tuned in to watch that award show. The beef was so bad it got reactions from both Dangote and Obasanjo. Talk about impact! Who can forget the shady DJ who kept dropping diss tracks after each opponent made his point?
PSquare vs. PSquare vs. The Other Okoye Brother (2017)
Nollywood always hammered on the saying “Blood is thicker than water”, but in 2017, after many years of wowing audiences around the world with their love songs and dance moves, PSquare decided to break up and go their separate ways. But instead of keeping it classy, the brothers (and their other non-singing brother, Jude) dragged each other for filth on the interwebs. And in typical Nigerian fashion, their wives ended up catching stray bullets as agents of discord. While they recently reunited to post their bank account details and collect money on Twitter, fans are still holding out hope for a musical reunion.
Wizkid vs. Davido (2017)
Davido made fun of Wizkid for shooting his Come Closer video with an invisible Drake, and Wizkid called him “frog voice”. Wizkid went on to call Davido a “local artist”, to which Davido responded with a major flex, an American passport (God when?). The whole thing was so chaotic we enjoyed every single bit of it.
Tiwa Savage vs. Seyi Shay (2021)
Imagine going to the salon to get your hair done and then getting front row seats to the biggest celebrity showdown of 2021? A prime example of “maintaining the same energy offline”, the whole shebang happened when, after allegedly dissing Tiwa in a track, Seyi Shay decided to form familiarity at a salon. In a world star move, Tiwa called bullshit and proceeded to drag Seyi Shay by her edges.
Burna vs. Davido (2020)
It’s hard to pinpoint the origin of this beef. One minute, Burna Boy is attributing Davido’s success to daddy’s money, next thing, there’s a full-on wrestling match in a Ghanaian club. From Fem to Way Too Big, these two have been subbing each other for a while now. The pettiest part has to be when Davido posted a picture with Wizkid which he tagged “The two greatest of all time, no cap.” And we all know how Burna gets when his “African giant” status is not recognized. If you don’t get this, ask Coachella.
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So, have you ever felt like you need to beat some people you work with? Well, if you were not sure which things are enough for a fight to happen, we are here for you. These are nine reasons why you should fight your coworker.
1) Meetings that could have been emails
Imagine sitting through a long ass meeting that you know very well could have been sent as an email? That is enough to declare war even. Especially if the meeting stopped you from doing all the things you had already planned for that week. Whatever that coworker sees, they should take it like that.
2) Texts after work hours
It’s as if some coworkers don’t understand the meaning of “office hours”. If they did, they won’t be sending you emails and texts at 10 pm in the night, or if they’re truly unhinged, 1 am in the morning. Tell them to pull up.
3) Their ridiculous deadlines
Some coworkers just give deadlines without factoring in if you have any other thing to do. So what if they need it by 2 pm today? Why are they telling you by 11 am? Tell them to ask their dad, please. If you have any coworkers that do this, Zikoko gives you permission to fight them.
4) Never responding to work messages on time
What makes it extra annoying is that they are the same people that if you don’t reply on time, they will pour water in hellfire and cause a commotion. These kinds of people need to actually get beaten. So, fight your coworker.
5) They order food without telling you
Imagine shouting in the office that you are hungry and then your coworker has the audacity to order food without telling you. At this point, consider them your enemy and declare war.
6) If they make you come to the office when you don’t need to
Once they put semi in front of the remote work, wahala started. A lot of people don’t understand the concept of semi-remote work. If they start demanding your presence at work for no reason, then they clearly have a problem with you only a fight can settle.
7) Slack notifications make you anxious
When the sound of your slack notification makes you anxious because you are scared they are texting, then it is time to remind yourself this person is flesh and blood. The only way to do that is through violence.
8) Always dumping extra work on you
Anyone that gives you extra work without extra pay is the person your spiritual leader keeps warning you about. Don’t take the warning lightly o. While the spiritual leader handles the spiritual, you should tackle the physical.
9) They never inform you about office changes
If you have a coworker that never informs you when important changes are made in the office then you need to off shirt and face them, adult, to adult. The winner takes all, the loser faces shame.
The important thing is that you have to win this fight. Your reputation and ours cannot spoil like that. If you want to know more on what is inside this life, please click here
[donation]
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Are you the agbero of your friend group, or are you incapable of hurting a fly? Well, this quiz knows if you can handle yourself in a fight or not.
Go ahead:
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1. When someone says something that irritates you but you decide to let it go.
2. When you start making excuses in your mind for people.
3. When people say you don’t get angry, but on the inside, you’re like:
4. This is you, getting so angry you start crying because you’re avoiding an argument.
5. When your best friend upsets you but you still can’t argue.
6. When you see people getting into confrontations and getting resolutions.
7. When after all your peace keeping, people still get annoyed that you never fight.
8. The day you finally let out everything you were holding in, you’re like:
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1. When you wake up and your sibling has wet the bed you are sharing.
2. When it’s time to decide who gets the bigger piece of meat.
3. When they bring their irritating friends to the room to play when you just want to relax.
4. When your parents make it too obvious who their favourite child is.
5. When it’s time to go out, the struggle for the front seat and window seats are epic.
6. When all of you hustle to hide the remote control so you can watch what you want.
7. When an aunty or uncle gives you money to “share amongst yourselves”.
8. When one sibling does something wrong and wants to put everyone in trouble.
9. When one sibling is a professional snitch.
