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  • When you were younger, you looked at your parents like old people who weren’t so cool. You didn’t understand a lot of things they did, or why they said certain things. Then you got older and started doing a lot of things the same way they did. You started to imbibe their mannerisms and “slangs” till you eventually become a lot like them. 

    If you’re still in denial, here are some unmistakable ways to know you’ve become exactly like your parents:

    1. You say, “Thank you God,” when you get home 

    Getting home safe is worth saying, “Thank you, God”. Getting home and laying in your bed after a long day is a good enough reason to thank God for. You also heave loudly and say, “Thank you, God,” when you sit down.

    2. The prices of things have made you realise you have rice at home 

    With the way inflation has affected everyone, no one needs to tell you there’s rice at home; you tell yourself. Fancy restaurants have become a reward, not a necessity. This version of adulting is not what we signed up for. 

    RELATED: The Zikoko Guide to Opening a Restaurant in Lagos

    3. You don’t have time for things that aren’t your business 

    Everyone should mind the one that concerns them. Putting your mouth in other people’s business isn’t something you’re interested in anymore. Let them carry their cross by themselves with the grace of God. 

    4. Abbreviations confuse you 

    There are new abbreviations every day and you simply can’t keep up with them. Before the week is over, you’re already seeing a new “wphd” after just learning what “ngl” means. 

    RELATED:  The Full Meaning of These Abbreviations Will Stress Every Millennial

    5. You send a lot of voice notes because texting gives you headache 

    Omo, who has time to be typing plenty after a very long day? Definitely not you. Let all your friends hear your voice and know that you’re doing ok. If you have to call someone, you keep the phone calls very short. Can’t let anyone come and use talk to waste the small energy you have. 

    6. Staying at home is always your first option 

    That fun you want to have outside can be had in your house. It’s not like our parents wanted to be introverts anyway; they just didn’t have the energy for parties or outings after spending all week adulting. 

    7. You sleep off while watching TV

    Look at your life now. Shebi you were teasing your parents then about sleeping off in front of the TV. Now, look at you on a Wednesday Night sleeping off in front of Netflix.

    RELATED: Oh Shit! It’s Wednesday Again

    8. You worry about money

    Whew! This is the ultimate reason adulting needs to be abolished. Constantly worrying about money is so draining. Your parents worried about providing for you; now you have to worry about providing for yourself. Damn it!

    9. Your back and your knees are crying for help

    Do you watch Megan Thee Stallion or people blessed with good knees twerk sometimes and ask yourself why God has favourites? Your back and knees have decided to be a few years older than you and that’s why you’re always thanking God when you sit down.

    10. Unnecessary noises irritate you

    Loud music, loud people, loud places — anything unnecessarily loud irritates you so much. But it’s also kind of ironic how Nigerian parents, especially Nigerian mums hate noise sha, even though they’re loud themselves. 


    ALSO READ: 6 Ways to Know Your Nigerian Parents Have Become Proud

  • This quiz might make you realise you’re not the adult you think you are. If you don’t own at least 15 things on this list, adulting hasn’t started for you.

    Tick all the things you own:

  • Every year in your life should be dedicated to chopping life. You should make enjoyment your number one priority in life. Your 20s set the tone for how much of an enjoyment minister you want to be and that’s why we’ve written this chop life guide for you. 

    1. Date multiple people.

    Please o, when we say date multiple people, we don’t mean many people living in Lagos or Abuja or you’ll cry hot tears. Date multiple people outside of Lagos and Abuja; experiment with dating, enjoy their company, get to know each other and go on dates. 

    2. Put a sticker over your bed that says (jaiye ori mi).

    Putting the sticker over your bed serves as a reminder to enjoy your life till you drop. When Davido said, “Wake up and jumpstart,” he was talking about you. Arise from thy bed and choose enjoyment.

    3. Have a reminder on your phone for enjoyment.

    In case you got too busy and forgot to read the sticker on your bed, set a reminder on your phone that says, “Enjoyment PLC.”

    4. Don’t engage in every Twitter discussion.

    Constantly engaging in Twitter conversations can take many years off your life and also eat into the time you’d have used to enjoy your life. Why press your phone when you can press other things or have someone press your things? Shey you get?

    5. Block people who are stressing you.

    There’s no one above blocking, if anyone tries to show you small stress, please, block them. Even if the person is your boss or the one sustaining your lifestyle. You want to chop life, not chop stress. 

    6. Let all your money be for enjoyment; your future can take care of itself.

    Don’t worry about your future, your future go dey alright. When the future comes, we’ll write another guide on how to chop life when you are 30+.

    7. Save.

    Not money o. Only your life or your energy, never money. You need to conserve your energy to continue your enjoyment all through your life. 

  • Turning 30 can feel like the morning after a wild partying spree; you can still feel the euphoria from the night before, but you realise, “Oh shit. I have to get my life together or I’m die.”

    It doesn’t have to be so serious, though. None of us have totally hacked the whole getting-your-life-together thing. In fact, some of the expectations you have as you get older may very well be unnecessary pressure you don’t have to succumb to; like getting married or having ten kids to carry on the family name. No, mother. Please.

    Still, it’s not a bad idea to know how to do at least five things on this list before you turn the big 30.

    You’ve got this!

    1. Shoot shots (romantic and platonic)

    In this day and age of social media, it all starts with how you slide into DMs. Don’t slide in with bathroom slippers. Go in with your best suede shoes. You have to come correct if you want to find a BFF or love of your life.

    2 Hold conversations

    Sure, this might come naturally to some people, but you’d agree that “Wyd?” could be better off as “I noticed you do/like xyz. Can you tell me about that?” Try this angle and see if they keep ignoring your DMs.

    3. Apologise

    You have to learn to lower your shoulders and genuinely say “I’m sorry” when you’re in the wrong. It will feel uncomfortable, but you won’t die. We promise.

    4. Communicate

    Effective communication saves other people from trying to figure out what’s in your head (how you feel, or what you want, etc). This, too, can feel super uncomfortable, but it’s a skill you will be thankful for in the long-run.

    5. Cook beans without burning the house down

    Unless you want your landlord to come for you. Plus, life is less scary knowing that you have at least one survival skill – whipping up a decent meal.

    6. Cross the road

    Whatever you do, don’t start out by crossing at a T-junction. Start small; from your parlour to your room, a small street here and there. Learn this so your friends can rest knowing you won’t get yourself killed by oncoming traffic. Also, when in doubt, look left, look right, and look left again.

    7. Make semo/eba/amala/pap/custard without lumps

    This has nothing to do with being husband or wife material. It’s so you don’t waste these ingredients. Have you seen how expensive they are these days? Plus, the satisfaction you get knowing you did that shit doesn’t have part two.

    8. Identify a scam message/scammer

    You work too hard for your life savings to disappear in the blink of an eye. Stay alert in these physical and online streets, dear.

    9. Drive on a Nigerian road

    If this doesn’t kill you by the time you are thirty, then you’ll know that you’ve conquered it. Phew!

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    10. Not catch feelings for everyone you talk to

    Do you like “breakfast” served to you on a golden platter? Thought as much. You’ll have to start by rewiring your brain, because you will meet A LOT of amazing people. The aim is not to fall in love with them all, but to experience them as they come and build connections.

    11. Get your finances together

    We don’t mean to sound like your mum, but she’s right. Saving, investing, taking stock and creating budgets are actually important things you should get a hang of before thirty if you don’t want to be an onigbese.

    12. Switch from generator to light with the speed of Usain Bolt

    As a Nigerian, once you’ve mastered this, add: “I am not your mate” to your social media bio.

    13. Say “NO” with your full chest

    You didn’t go through torturous years of adulting to be scared of offending people or establishing your boundaries. Las las , they’ll be fine.

    14. Shake your ass on a yacht

    A.k.a know how to enjoy life, after all, you literally get only one shot at it. And no, bingeing on Netflix for sixty hours straight doesn’t make the cut. Get your best buds and make beautiful memories in the outside.

    15. Give A-class head

    Rule number one: no teeth. Please and thanks. It’s okay to ask questions and figure out what works for your partner. That’s actually a way to hack it and make them call you names that’ll make you blush.

    If this article is giving zen vibes, then you should probably share it right away. T for tenks!

  • When we were younger, many of us spent a lot of time wondering when we would grow up so we could finally be adults. How is that going now? If you haven’t clocked it yet, let us be the first to tell you: adulthood is a major scam and these 14 things prove it:

    1. You have to feed yourself.

    16 Signs You're Not The Bad Bitch You Think You Are | Zikoko!

    This is one sure sign of adulthood being a scam. So you mean I have to come back to this house and my parents don’t have food waiting for me? My mother is not offering me extra meat? Wow, so I have to look for what I will eat on my own? This is betrayal.

    2. You start to manage meat and fish.

    When you actually manage to feed yourself, you realise how much turkey and Titus costs in the market, no one will teach you before you start rationing the meat and fish you eat. Especially with this one that Constable Sapa is in town.

    3. You probably won’t even be able to afford milk.

    16 Signs You're Not The Bad Bitch You Think You Are | Zikoko!

    You see that three scoops of milk you always wanted as a child? You see that Milo you wanted to lick but were not allowed to? You probably won’t be able to afford it. And even when you can afford it and can lick it the way you want to, you’ll realise that it is not enough to soothe the pain of adulthood.

    4. You are qualified for heartbreak.

    You think adulthood is one land of bliss and romance until one person will invade your peace and then break your heart. Like, what exactly did I do to you people? Is it a crime to be an adult?

    5. You have to pay your own bills.

    fave-girl-pissed | Zikoko!

    From now on, rent is on you. Data subscription payment is on you too. Anything you buy or involve yourself in, you must pay for it by yourself. The literal definition of carrying your cross by yourself.

    6. There are really no parties to attend.

    African Kid Crying With A Knife | Know Your Meme

    I blame Nollywood and Hollywood for making us believe that adulthood was all parties and popping outfits. See ehn, as an adult, there are not so many parties to attend. Take it from us.

    7. And when there are parties to attend, you are too tired.

    After working hard all week, when Friday night comes, you just want to curl up in your bed watching Netflix and laughing at tweets or TikTok videos. The party can take care of itself. You simply won’t have the energy for it.

    8. The sex you want so much, you won’t get it.

    You think you’ll enter adulthood collecting knacks and snatching orgasms left, right and centre. LEEMAO. The lies. Either the sex is bad or simply just not available with the person you want it with. Eventually, you will turn celibate.

    9. No more Christmas clothes.

    The only thing you might get is a matching pyjamas set. And even that one is dependent on finding love. You that is constantly chopping heartbreak, where will that one come from?

    10. You have to motivate yourself to get things done.

    Because if you don’t, who will? So, you have to motivate yourself to show up for work in time so they don’t fire you. You have to motivate yourself to wake up in the middle of the night to put extra effort into your own personal development.

    11. Nobody dashes you free money anymore.

    Everybody is an adult now. Deal with it oh. The most they can dash you is urgent 2k. And the day you misbehave like this, they will probably drag you for it.

    12. Your younger ones expect you to dash them money.

    Nigerian men tell us about being cheated by Nigerian women | Pulse Nigeria

    These ones don’t know what is wrong with them. They don’t know you are also expecting to be dashed money. The ghetto. LMAO, sorry dears, we are all corporate beggars in these streets.

    13. Your parents and everyone around you suddenly expect you to be responsible.

    comedy | Zikoko!

    Imagine that. Responsibility, when you are trying to survive and stay afloat. Wahala for who dey look up to me oh.

    14. Expect to cry. A lot.

    This is the strangest part of adulthood. You could be doing something unrelated to tears and you will feel the tears running down. Someone shouts at you too much and the tears come pouring down. Sometimes, you even schedule date and time to cry.

    Yes, it do usually happen like that.

    [donation]

  • Everything about being an adult is the freaking ghetto, including making friends. There are a lot of things you’ll experience that’ll be beyond what you could have imagined. 

    Here are a couple of things you need to know before making friends as an adult.

    1. They can try to steal your man.

    To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Find a way to make your man unstealable, especially if you live in Lagos. There are a lot of pickpockets going around stealing people’s men.

    2. Everyone is 30+ and wants to be home early.

    Everyone is too old and wants to be home in bed before 11 pm. Even your friend who isn’t 30 yet is already masquerading as a 30+ man with a bad back. 

    3. You’ll need to learn your friends love languages.

    Being friends with people doesn’t mean you shouldn’t learn their love languages and how they want you to be their friend. Make sure you aren’t the only one learning love languages, the best friendships are the reciprocated ones. 

    4. Your friends will try to finish your money.

    Especially those friends who don’t remember what the four walls of their houses look like. They’ll always expect you to go out with them every Friday till things go south and you are broke. 

    5. Your new friend might be a crazy person.

    This is the craziest part about making friends when you get older. After all, craziness isn’t written on the forehead and you’ll have to find that out after becoming friends with them. Finding out your new friend is not ok in the head is both revealing and stressful. 

    6. Your friends won’t always be there for you and vice versa.

    You won’t always be available for friends and vice versa and that’s absolutely ok. But not being available for your friend and being a shitty friend are two different things. 

    7. They may have shitty tastes and opinions. 

    I can’t even imagine being friends with someone who doesn’t like Beyonce or someone who thinks the earth is flat. It’s hard work, but sometimes you have to make peace with knowing your friend has very questionable tastes and opinions. Some opinions however can’t be ignored.

    8. They can fall in love with you and make you leave your partner.

    Everyone knows a good love story starts with good friendships and every adult needs a good friend and partner all in one person. 

  • Everyone knows navigating friendships as an adult is an extreme task, but have you ever thought that you could be the problem? Making friends as an adult is quite hard and you aren’t doing enough to make friends. We are here to help you look inward and realize why you are an adult with no friends.

    Here are some reasons why you are an adult with no friends.

    1. You are bestfriends with your house.

    You probably can’t remember the last time you saw the sun and the thought of leaving your house fills you with so much pain and discomfort.

    2. You are close friends with your job.

    You like your job almost as much as you like your house. Your job probably doesn’t like you as much as you like it, but carry on.

    3. You spend a lot of time watching TikTok videos.

    All that time you spend on TikTok can be spent making friends. We need you to know that people on TikTok aren’t your friends and although they make you laugh for long hours doesn’t mean they’ll listen to your rants. You’ll need real-life friends for that.

    4. You haven’t tried using dating apps.

    You probably think dating apps are for relationships and sex alone and you won’t bother to try them out. There’s nothing wrong with using dating apps, you could meet someone who’ll give your partner a run for their money and make a few friends while at it.

    5. You haven’t made out time to mould your friends from scratch.

    You need to mould the types of friends you want, but you’ve been too busy with work to get to it. All you need to do is clear your schedule so you can take matters into your hands and mould your perfect friends.

    6. Your life revolves around your partner.

    You are stuck to your partner like superglue. When they move, you move — a match made in heaven.

    7. You have bad eating habits.

    You eat lafun, semo and winged termites and somehow expect people to be friends with you. O wrong nau.

  • Contrary to what a certain good book says, being the bigger person isn’t always worth it. Sometimes, when people go low, go subterranean, and show them that where their madness stops is where yours starts. No one has a monopoly on this madness thing.

    Here are a few reasons why you should never be the bigger person.

    1. Being the bigger person is an adult problem and you don’t need that.

    Being the bigger person is an adult problem, and no one needs that. Adulthood comes with enough problems, so why add this to it? Also, this is why children have more peace of mind. They always speak their mind and never let shit go.

    2. People need to know you aren’t one to be tried.

    Always turning the other cheek or whatever guarantees that people will keep coming at you with their bullshit. Once you show them how low you can go and give them 2x of what they’ve given you, they’ll know to never get on your bad side. 

    3. You don’t want to have unnecessary things on your chest.

    If getting stuff off your chest means doing it in a way other people might consider childish, please, do it. The peace of mind that comes with saying what needs to be said is unmatched. Let these hoes have it.

    4. People try to make their problems yours too.

    When you are the bigger person, you have to carry your problems and that of others on your back, and that’s not worth it. The burden shouldn’t be on you to fix their issues. 

    5. People don’t deserve the bigger side of you.

    Some people need to see the side of you that doesn’t take nonsense. Maybe when they fix up, you’ll show them the side of you reserved for people that have sense and act right.  You know, as a treat.

    6. It makes you overthink your actions.

    When you try to be the bigger person, you tend to spend unnecessary time thinking of what you could have said or done in that situation. Smaller people don’t do that. They have a quick and immediate reaction on the spot and keep it moving. Don’t set yourself up for sleepless nights because you’re trying to be meek and inherit the earth. Treat their fuck up and know peace.

  • Navigating life as an adult can be really confusing. No one really gives you a handbook or prepares you for what life is going to throw at you. Here’s a list of articles you can read to help you figure out adulthood.

    1. 7 Ways To Make Friends As An Adult

    2. 8 Easy Ways To Escape Adulting

    3. Adulting: 5 Nigerians On Things They Find Expensive As Adults

    4. 8 Signs That Show You Might Be Adulting The Wrong Way

    5. 7 Things Adults Need More Than Children

    6. 6 Things To Find Comfort In When Adulthood Becomes Too Hard

    7. These 5 Nigerian Songs Will Help You Figure Out Adulthood

    8. 5 Wise Money Quotes About Money That Make Better Sense Now That You’re An Adult

    9. 5 Things Nigerian Adults Really Need To Stop Doing

    10. 6 Things We Wish Came With The Adulting Package

  • There are very few things that make adults happy. The word ‘adult’ here is used loosely because some of you are 18 and you only barely qualify as adults. Truth is, the older you get, the more simple things make you happy. 

    1. Finding the perfect grocery store

    Not everyone can say that they have achieved this. Do you know how blissful it feels to find a store that meets all your shopping needs and also has good vibes? It’s a 10/10 experience that is simple but also makes you happy.

    2. Paying your bills on time

    Just so you know, it will hurt like hell when the money for said bills leaves your account. But knowing that you can have peace of mind for a short while slaps.

    3. Taking naps

    The older you get, the easier it becomes to fall asleep. You’ll nap when they break your heart for the fifth time, when you don’t get that promotion you wanted, and every time you get debited for breathing.

    Looking to spice up your Instagram feed? Follow Zikoko Memes 😏

    4.  Choosing what you want to eat

    Growing up, you had to settle for whatever your parents let you eat. As an adult, you settle for what your bank account will let you eat. But at least you get to choose. 

    5.  Practical gifts

    When you are young, gifts like socks, plants, or weighted blankets might make you think that the giver hates you. But as you get older, you realize that those gifts might be simple but they’ll make you really happy. This does not mean that you should become the kind of person that gives people socks oh. Spa tickets are also practical.

    6.  Weekends with no plans

    See, going out and having the time of your life is fun and all but staying in and just chilling with no plans, not even chores, gives happiness a new meaning.

    7.  Completing your to-do list

    If you are the kind of person that makes lists to give yourself a sense of accomplishment, you already know how great it feels when you tick every box off or even just half of it. Create your happiness.

    8. Having clean sheets

    From the process of laying the bed, to lying on it, it’s a really good feeling. This is also a reminder to wash your sheets today guys.