Welcome to the daily Ultimate Love recap. Ultimate Love is the hottest reality show in town, and we’ll be giving you a recap of all the drama, the awwns and the ehyas. Stick around!

It’s almost easy to guess who Ultimate Love’s Ultimate Couple will be. Not because they are exactly the most genuine couple but because some factors are working in their favour, and voters are easily swayed by some of these factors. The game remains the game.

Here is how we’re ranking the last five couples , according to how close they are to the prize.

Rosie and Kachi:

In this life ehn, just be a light skinned pretty woman. Rosie started gaining fans even before the show started because of her fine girl privilege. She got the “premium babe” tag immediately she was introduced to the audience, and people started wondering if she’d find her spec in the house. David buttered her bread by leaving her on the “altar” for Presh. Of course she’s quite overrated, but after coming tops at least twice, her fans are ready to crown her and Kachi Ultimate Love’s ultimate couple, even though half of them don’t care about that relationship, they are more interested in the bragging rights. Rosie’s back definitely hurts from carrying this relationship for weeks.

Iyke and Theresa

They are the youngest couple in the house, and majority of the viewers can relate to them, while others think they are too young for marriage. Iyke says all the right things viewers like to hear, even though he probably doesn’t mean half of it. They are both very conscious of viewers perception of them, which is now working for and against them.

Bolanle and Arnold

The only reason why these two are even still in the house is because Nigerians love women who are quick to do “Yes Sir Yes Sir” to men who aren’t deserving. After everything Arnold has done to Bolanle in that house to her face and behind her, they keep voting for them, and they always make top three. Abeg we need to dismantle the patriarchy, to keep Bolar’s fans far away from reality TV and far away from our society, because I really can’t stand slavery.

Chiddy Bankz and Sylvia

The two things that are working in their favour, Sylvia especially, is because she’s a very sweet girl that radiates so much positive vibes, even when she was going through the most. She was never involved in anything malicious, which made her an instant sweetheart to many. Secondly, the way Jerry treated her contributed to her long stay in the Love Pad. She gathered pity votes, while Jerry gathered “go-fuck-yourselves” votes. The game is the game.

Chris and ChrisVille

See, I don’t even know who their votes are, especially because ChrisVille is one annoying person. Chris was without man in the house for like two weeks, and she handled it pretty well. She probably gathered some “I love strong and independent women” fans, but I don’t think they are enough to crown them the Ultimate Couple.

Every day at 5 pm, we’ll publish a new update on this show – complete with the drama, the awwns and the ehyas. You can read old updates, predictions and analysis here. Stick around!

Welcome to the daily Ultimate Love recap. Ultimate Love is the hottest reality show in town, and we’ll be giving you a recap of all the drama, the awwns and the ehyas. Stick around!

Everything that didn’t happen on Ultimate Love Day 38

It’s Ultimate Love Day 38 in Aunty’s Love Pad, and asides the Love Guests talking about nomination, eating free food, existing without knowing about Coronavirus, and learning how to cook Tuwo Shinkafa, nothing else happened. Out of the goodness of my heart, I’ve decided to share with you some facts about Nigerian relationships, just in case you’re a foreigner thinking about dating a naija man.

Nigerian men puts the “un” in unromantic.

I really expected to see men go out of their way to woo the women they are interested in, but apparently I was asking for too much. The first week that was supposed to be “toasting stage”, but they did the barest minimum. At least Jay brought a Valentine’s gift for his woman, others can’t be bothered.

It took the intervention of Aunty for these men to serve the women breakfast in bed, which the women really loved, by the way.

Whether it’s the first or fifteenth date, Nigerian men sucks at holding conversations:

Who goes on a speed date to advertise their fade cream? Who randomly ask a woman he’s just met if she’s okay with her future husband bringing home the kids he acquired from cheating on her? Who tells a woman on a speed date that his wife has to stay at home and take care of their children? You guessed right! A Nigerian man! Na them! Feel free to drag these men on twitter, the next time you see them lie that they are better at holding conversations. Drag them like small gen.

Older Nigerian women and enabling patriarchy are like bread and beans

I don’t even know who enables patriarchy more. Nigerian men who benefit from it or older Nigerian women who are looking for people to join them in that suffer head life. They swear everything is workable, no matter how bad it is. Aunty, for example is either telling toxic couples (read women) to keep working on relationships that are dead on arrival, or subtly blaming the women while unlooking the men’s faults and shortcomings.

See ehn, we’re tired of these nonsense relationships. It’s 2020 for Christ sakes.

Welcome to the daily Ultimate Love recap. Ultimate Love is the hottest reality show in town, and we’ll be giving you a recap of all the drama, the awwns and the ehyas. Stick around!

Everything that happened on Ultimate Love day 33

It’s day 33 of me waiting and hoping that this show will get better, but it’s disappointment upon disappointment. I had high hopes for this show and it’s really below expectation. I don’t want to believe this is how boring relationships are in Nigeria.

If the producers won’t look into some of the problems I’m about to rant about, they might as well not come back next year. We’ll manage our ships like that.

Let’s start with the biggest problem on this show: Aunty!

Aunty reminds me of the typical Aunty in every Nigerian family. They swear men can’t be wrong, and incompatibility doesn’t exist to them. There are many examples of her taking sides with the men and making the women work on relationships that belongs in the trash can. (Bolanle and Arnold).

There are also some couples that are not compatible (Obi and Ebi), and I can’t believe Aunty is yet to see it after having like 4 sessions with each of these couples. Aunty need to stop being insensitive to the women while pampering the men. 

Then these boring tasks that don’t belong on a dating show:

Why are they always learning some traditional dance or culture when they don’t don’t even know their partner’s state of origin? Why are they learning pottery and bead making?

All these tasks reminds me of that annoying SAED program we did in NYSC camp. It’s not like anyone would die if they do something fun with their partners. Example is the games night, when they wanted to beat themselves up because of current affairs. Less of all these boring games, abeg.

Can we have Professional marriage counselors or relationship experts?

I’m back on Aunty’s case again, and she will deal with my complains. She’s not professionally equipped to handle the things she’s handling in that house. Leave patriarchy aside, Aunty doesn’t  even know how to resolve conflict between couples. She comes off as insensitive. If they’re coming back for another season, then they need a relationship expert or a marriage counselor to handle these weekly couple session abeg .

That’s enough for Ultimate Love Day 33. When you come back tomorrow, you’ll see more of these complaints. Let us help them do better next season.

Every day at 5 pm, we’ll publish a new update on this show – complete with the drama, the awwns and the ehyas. You can read old updates, predictions and analysis here. Stick around!