There’s nothing wrong with trying to spice up your sex game with dirty talk. Just make sure in all you and your partner(s) do, these sentences never leave your mouth. Because it might not end the way you like.

“Get on your knees”

It’s giving secondary school intro tech teacher. Never say this.

“What do you want?”

It’s all fun and games till they ask for the pin to your ATM and your life savings.

“Who fucks you better?”

They might respond with “Your daddy”. Now, what?

“I want you to make a mess for me”

They might take this as a dare, and make a mess with your heart. You’ll have no one to blame but yourself.

“Show me your tongue”

Make this simple request and watch them tell you ntoor.

“I love you”

It’s fine if you’ve both said these three words before, but if you’re saying it for the first time during sex? You go explain tire.

“I’ll make you scream”

We beg of you. Don’t talk big and make promises you’re not certain you can keep. It’s bad for team spirit.

“Be a good girl for daddy”

It’s all fun and games until it reminds her of her daddy issues. Now, you have to hear her rant about her childhood and play therapist.

“Take this”

You’ll have to be specific. What exactly are you offering?

“Spank me harder!”

Now, they’re giving you strokes that rival the ones you used to get from your parents. Sorry for you.

Get out of bed and buy your tickets to Burning Ram. We have an endless supply of meat.



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