Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
*Ginika, 25, and *Jude, 28, have known each other since 2017 and been in a relationship since 2018. For today’s Love Life, they talk about handling infidelity in their relationship and reaching a compromise in their disagreements.
What’s your earliest memory of your partner?
Ginika: We met for the first time in October 2017 at a weekly church service in school. He came to church without a Bible, took mine and said, “I forgot my Bible, so I’m going to use yours.” All I could think about was this man has audacity oh.
Jude: I was just looking for trouble. Prior to that day, I had never met her before. I practically colonised her Bible.
Ginika: For some reason, I didn’t get angry or anything and I don’t know why. There was just something about him.
It seems like you were smitten. How did things progress?
Ginika: This was his first time meeting me and he had so much guts. It definitely caught my attention.
Jude: Funny enough, in the next service, we found ourselves sitting together again and this time, I took her phone.
What in the thievery is going on here, Jude?
It wasn’t oh. I asked and she gave me. There was consent. That particular day, we came earlier for the service, and she wanted to step out. So I collected her phone and asked her to unlock it. She did it, and I had the phone with me that entire evening.
Ginika, did his request freak you out?
No. I was really cool about the whole thing. I gave a complete stranger my phone and I wasn’t even bothered about it.
Damn. So, how did you guys become a couple?
Ginika: This is my favourite part of our story. The church was about to elect new executives. Jude got nominated, I didn’t, so I decided to travel back to Lagos for Christmas. This was in 2017. I found out he was made the music director. I love men who can sing so I quickly hit him up on Facebook to congratulate him. We started talking on the phone and chatting almost every day.
By now, would you say you had a crush on him?
Ginika: Sort of, yes. Although, I had joined a dating site because I didn’t think we would end up together.
Jude: Oh, I remember this. After I got elected and she congratulated me, we became friends. One day while chatting, she asked me to follow one page like that on Instagram. I did, but when I asked her what the page was for, she refused to tell me.
It was much later she told me it was a dating site. So, I jokingly asked if she would date me if I asked. She said she would and somehow, our conversations became deeper and more meaningful. We decided to give dating a chance when we resumed school.
Aww, this is so cute.
Jude: Yes, but we quarrelled a lot back then. We were so different from each other.
Ginika: Omo. Even just as friends, we had so many fights.
Tell me one.
Ginika: Lol. You really don’t want to know.
Please, dear, I really do.
Ginika: Okay. One time, I called him and he didn’t pick up.
Jude: When she called later and I picked, she changed it for me oh.
Ginika: Yes oh. I started shouting and we weren’t even dating officially then.
Ginika, Why this?
Ginika: I don’t even know. I was just very angry at him.
So, most of your major fights happened in 2017, before you officially started dating?
Jude: We agreed to date in school during the Christmas holidays. When she resumed in January, we spent a lot of time together and I asked her out on the 22nd of January, 2018.
Ginika: He came to my house and asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop the fighting.
Tell me about your first notable relationship fight.
Ginika: Let Jude use his mouth and tell you what happened.
Jude: LMAO. There was this other girl I got close to. As music director in the school chapel, there were lots of girls who wanted to get close to me. However, one got really close to the point that things got out of hand. I personally found it difficult to control the situation. Ginika and I had a fight over it, but I am happy we got over it.
Oh? This tea is too vague. I need details.
Ginika: I will take over from here. So, there was this girl that came to church and next thing, it was as if I was sharing my man. I know Jude tried hard to control things but for some reason, she got closer to him. I did something I didn’t think I could ever do. I went to her house to meet her and guess what she said to me.
OMG. What did she say?
Ginika: She said, “Maybe there’s something I am doing that you’re not.” My eyes became red from all the tears I cried.
Did you tell Jude?
Ginika: I did, and he took her side. I left his house angrily after he said she had a hold over him. He didn’t see anything wrong in what was happening.
HE SAID THAT?
Ginika: No, but he said some mean things sha. He didn’t have any argument, but I remember him saying something about her being the side chick. Jesus, my heart broke that day.
Ginika: Yes. I remember one time she called at night and heard my voice. Jude told her I was his neighbour.
Hold up. So, while you guys were in a relationship, he had a side thing?
Ginika: Sort of.
Jude, please, say something. Anything.
Jude: I think I gave her so much of me.
Ginika: Yes. A whole lot of you if we are being honest. The weird thing is, the babe has the same surname as myself and her birthday is a day before mine.
Jude: It was so bad. At some point, she started blackmailing me and I knew I had to do something about it.
Giniki: It was because she started blackmailing him that I found out a lot of things.
Jude: The girl was aware that as a music director, I had so much to lose.
How did she blackmail you?
Jude: She wanted me to choose. It was either her or nothing. She even threatened me with our chats. That she had all of it saved.
Ginika: She had intentions to report him to the church.
Jude: She kept hammering on exposing our chats. Although she said she was just joking and wanted to see my reaction, I didn’t want to take any chances so I got her phone and erased our chats and texts.
Ginika: I helped him.
You did what now?
Jude: Yes. Ginika was instrumental in all this. She got my assistant involved and that one’s head is hot. My assistant and Ginika confronted the girl and warned her to stay clear of me.
Ginika: I tried getting her phone just to make sure there was no evidence. I didn’t want any scandal attached to him because of how much I loved him.
Wow. How did you guys get through that?
Jude: I apologised and promised that nothing like that would never happen again.
Ginika: It was a rough period for both of us. I didn’t even believe we would make it through but yes, I forgave him. I can’t explain how we moved past it but I know I prayed for a lot of healing.
Jude: It wasn’t easy looking at her every day and knowing that I had hurt her. She made it easy for me because where do I begin to atone for what I did to her?
So, what has the progression of your love life been since then?
Jude: We really showed progress after school. To an extent, when we were in school, I didn’t see a future with her, I thought it was just a school thing.
Ginika: Same. After school, things became easier. We were more committed to each other and I changed cities for him. I moved from Lagos to Port Harcourt for us be closer. I don’t believe in long-distance relationships.
Do you guys live together?
Ginika: No, we don’t. It’s just easier to be in the same state with him.
How often do you guys see each other?
Jude: Virtually every weekend.
Ginika: Yes. We attend the same church.
Are your families aware of this relationship?
Ginika: Very aware. I met his family first and then he met my dad in December 2019 when he came to my hometown. Things went pretty well considering that they initially didn’t think we were serious about each other.
Jude: I think they wanted to know how committed we were to the relationship. We had just finished school then so they thought it was a school affair.
Ginika: I think they didn’t know me too well.
So, y’all getting engaged soon?
Jude: Yeah, but I don’t want to say too much on this so I don’t reveal my plans to her.
Is there something that is still a problem in this relationship?
Ginika: I worry a lot and I’m impatient. Jude might have other answers.
Jude: I am very strict when it comes to spending and she’s not, but she has gotten better. I find also that our priorities have changed. We argue over them sometimes, but we always try to reach an agreement.
Ginika: Like my love for short dresses.
Jude: I don’t like dresses that are too short.
So, what’s the compromise?
Ginika: I can wear short dresses but not too short.
Okay, guys. Rate your love life on a scale of 1 – 10
Ginika: I’d rate it a 9. It’s been great. We have our little fights here and there, but I couldn’t imagine life without him. In my next life I would still pick him. I look forward to forever with him.
Jude: I’d rate it a 9. Our relationship has been amazing and I have never felt this way about anyone before. I want to spend every day with her and I look forward to a future with her in it.
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