We’re now in the month of Jesus’ birth and all the abroad boys and girlies will soon be making their way back to the country with one goal: Making their way back into your heart and pants. Say no to them.

Air their messages 

It’s okay if they say you’re rude and disrespectful. Their opinions don’t matter; what’s important is that January 1st meets your heart intact in your chest.

Work through the break

If you have work to distract you, then you’ll have no time to see the innit boys and girls and fall prey to their schemes.

Clear them

Clear anybody that conveniently forgot you existed in the past 11 months, but have now remembered you in the 12th hour. Tell them you’re not interested in their fake love, and they can get lost.

Get in a temporary relationship 

Yes, we know what they say about temporary solutions, but if the IJGB on your case sees a lover in your life, they might leave you alone and direct their gaze on someone else. It’s not foolproof because they might have “strong head” and take your fake relationship as a challenge, but you won’t know if you don’t try.

Bill them

It’s a win-win. They either run away and forget you exist or they fund your December. However it goes, you come out a winner.

Leave the country 

Someone coming into Nigeria can’t reach you if you’re spending your holiday in another country now, can they? Pack your bags and make those plans today.

Fake an illness 

We don’t know how you’ll explain that you’ve come down with a serious case of I-don’t-want-to-see-your-face-titis, but figure it out and get that IJGB off your back.

Of course, all these don’t apply to the IJGBs that refer to your mother as ‘mum’ and know your house address.



Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.