You’re skipping a heartbeat, smiling unprovoked, following their every step with your eyes.

Why is another person causing all these involuntary actions? As far as we’re concerned, crushes are beyond unnecessary and should be abolished. 

We can’t promise these methods won’t have you looking like a fool in public, but they’ll make your crush disappear into thin air, and that’s the most important thing.

Beg your village people 

First of all, they’re obviously still chasing you. So go back home and beg them to stop. There’s only so much you can take.

Stare at your crush

Just look until you can see through their skin and find everything wrong with their perfect features.

Talk to them

10 out of 10 times, you’re only crushing on your crush because they look like a cold drink in Lagos traffic. But they don’t have two heads. Talk to them and watch your crush die instantly.

Embarrass yourself while they watch

You won’t want to be near them after this. And out of sight, out of mind.

Drink agbo jedi

Buy the small sachet of agbo and drink it while you’re thinking about them. Let the bitterness corrupt how sweet they make you feel.

Tell your Nigerian mother

Show her a picture of them and watch her point out how their nose probably enters a room before them.

Employ the services of a Yoruba man or an Igbo woman

It’s time to fight fire with fire, dear. Date a Yoruba man or Igbo woman. Let their wickedness remind you that people are not good and love is a scam.

Go for deliverance

Crushes are clearly a spiritual attack from the kingdom of darkness. Go to your spiritual leader and ask them to wash your head with coconut water and cast the forces of evil away.



Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.