If your partner spent so much time in your home that it felt like they lived there, moving out is the easiest answer to getting over a breakup. But this is Buhari’s economy and your last name doesn’t end with $$.
So what happens when you can’t afford to rent a new place? Seven Nigerians who’ve had their hearts broken before shared tips on making your home feel like yours again.
Accept that you’ll be fine
I spent five years with Susan*, and we lived together for four of them. When you start living with someone, especially if it’s a person you love, there’s a level of codependence that develops.
I found myself staying up until she got back from work so we could eat on our favourite couch together, or stopping myself from watching my favourite shows after work because we always watched them together. I didn’t know how to do things without my partner in mind; I forgot how to be alone.
I can say you should get rid of everything your partner ever touched, but every penny counts. To get over the codependence syndrome, you need to start doing things alone in your home and loving it. Make dinner, open your favourite bottle of wine and enjoy sitting on your couch alone. FaceTiming a friend helps if you need the company to get through it.
Buy a fragrance you’ve never tried before
I started living with my boyfriend a year ago and rather than grow closer, we saw a lot of differences that couldn’t be overlooked. So we broke up after three years of being together.
Honestly, the best decision I made for myself was to switch up the fragrance of my home. Months after my partner left, I could still smell him all over my pillows and couch. I mean, my house was small so it was hard not to have his perfume fill the room. But it was different when he stopped coming over.
I was holding on to the sense of familiarity his scent left, and that made it harder to want to be home. Nobody had to tell me to buy a scented candle and reset my nose. I didn’t think I loved vanilla as much as I do now. So find something new and let it fill your home with a new scent.
Sleep on their side of the bed
Please accept that your partner is never coming to your house again. You can toss out everything they own — like I did — and still feel like a stranger in your own home. For instance, my ex-partner always slept on the side of our bed that’s closer to the door because he thought it was the manly thing to do.
When he left, I just couldn’t imagine sleeping on his side. Even when I bought new bedsheets, it felt odd being on “his side” of the bed.
My dear, you need to get over the love and let yourself rollover. Start by sitting on their side of your bed every morning.
Host your friends at your home
I think I forgot how wholesome platonic friendships are when I started dating. My friends barely came over because almost every night became date night while my partner and I lived together. So you can imagine how horrible my evenings have been in the last two years without a Netflix and chill buddy.
At the state of this year , I knew I couldn’t keep up with my self-inflicted loneliness. Inviting my friends to come over for random game nights and drinks is something I look forward to now, especially during important football games. Reconnecting with your guys makes things a lot less gloomy at home.
Pack up the things that slow down your healing process
There’s nothing I hated more than the couch in my living room. Every time I walked into my house, it was a reminder of how close I was to getting married. How close I’d gotten to finally being the object of the “God when” phrase. I hated all the memories on that couch. The sex, laughs and tears. It hurt to think about.
I ended up giving the chair to my neighbour. After that, walking into my home didn’t feel entirely depressing. Of course, it didn’t take away the fact that I wanted to call him almost every day, but at least, there were some days I forgot about the couch.
Throw her skincare products away
Long distance is the only reason my babe and I broke up, so I’m still bitter about it. To make myself feel better, I tossed out all the skincare products she left behind. She got them for my pimples, but I’d rather have them than keep thinking of her every single time I wash my face.
Clear your kitchen
When I was dating my partner, she enjoyed Indian curries, so I bought all the masala spices to experiment with dishes for her. When we broke up, I hated going into my kitchen because everything reminded me of her absence.
Beyond the spices, I hated how I nursed her favourite coffee mugs and plates. Let’s just say I accidentally broke them. Even though I still had to clean everything up, I felt a bit pacified from letting out the rage. I got to clean out my kitchen too. So it was a win-win, I guess.