7 Reasons Why You Will Continue Saying “God When”

March 1, 2021

All your friends are in love, and you are part of the ‘‘God when’’ association wondering when you will get your own boo. We are sorry to break it to you that you may never find love due to the reasons stated below.

1. You are best in English

Anyone who mistakenly sends you a message with ‘’am’’ doesn’t get a response from you, even if the follow-up message is sweet. Since you are so good at the English language, why not become an English teacher and stop stressing God. You may find your boo in the school where you’ll work as an English teacher. 

2. You are always fighting on social media.

We know you are passionate about what you believe in, but the way you go about it is a little scary, or what do you think? Any small thing you’ve become Hulk Hogan on the TL. Please be calming down abeg, your toasters are afraid that you’ll beat them up if they move to you.

3. Your eating habits are very bad.

You are either a bricklayer or a thief ah. You eat fufu in the middle of the night, it’s fine tho, you may need that energy to fight your village people that appear to you in your dreams. The ones hindering you from finding love.

4. You say ‘am’’ instead of ‘I’m’’

Please for God’s sake, we have tried to correct you. Help us to help you, what is ‘’am fine’’?. When they air your messages now you will say it is elitism when na you wey no sabi English.

5. You are a couch potato

That couch you like to sleep on from morning to night is where you are going to find your boo. We love that they are going to come to your house to find you. Since all you do is press your phone, we believe you aren’t yet ready to download your partner from that phone. You aren’t like the others on the list, keep taking your sweet time.

6.You are still stuck on your ex.

You are so funny, you keep shouting ‘’God when’’ when all you do is fantasize about your ex from morning till night. Instead of filling your thoughts and imaginations with images of your dream boo, you are wasting it thinking of one yeye ex. Better jazz up.

7. You have not tried to buy love on jiji.ng 

Is there really anything you can’t buy on Jiji?. You are probably still waiting for conventional ways of finding love when you can easily do it at the click of a button. All we know is that you aren’t ready. When you are ready, you’ll go and buy it on Jiji.

If you stop doing all these things and you still don’t find love, then we don’t know for you again. maybe you should go to babalawo’s place.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

December 5, 2020

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 31-year-old heterosexual woman who doubles as a sexpert in her free time. She talks about how much she enjoys helping people learn about sex while ironically experiencing the worst dry spell ever.

December 2, 2019

Over a week ago, we made a quiz that revealed the kind of people you attract. Now, we’ve made one that determines what exactly these people even find attractive about you in the first place. Is it your stunning face, perfect body or big brain? Well, this quiz has the answer:

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

October 30, 2019

Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie got a lot of things right, especially casting, so yes, it was a monster hit. Now, we know you may not have put much thought to this, but the personalities of some of the characters closely match yours, and we would like to help you find the perfect match. […]

November 27, 2019

Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out: 11 Quizzes For People Who Aren’t […]

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

More from Ships

July 30, 2022

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old virgin. She talks about how she’s only been kissed twice, her inability to orgasm when she masturbates and waiting till marriage to have sex. 

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X