On the Streets is a Zikoko weekly series about the chaos of modern dating: from situationships and endless talking stages, to heartbreak and everything it means to be single in today’s world.
For Sayo* (24), love has always been a complicated web of “almost” relationships. She shares her dating history, from an innocent teenage crush, to situationships filled with dishonesty, and betrayals. But beyond the heartbreak, she’s also realised how her own fears and standards have shaped her dating journey.
What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?
Very single. I’m not entirely happy about it, but I also don’t mind. I’m just somewhere in between.
Walk me through your dating life. How did you get here?
The first boy I really liked was back in 2015, when I was in secondary school. My dad worked as a chaplain at a boarding school, and even though I didn’t school there, I lived on the premises. That’s where I met Tobi*. He was in SS3, and I was just starting senior secondary.
He noticed me one holiday when he stayed back for extension classes and asked for my Facebook. From there, we started chatting and hanging out. Sometimes I’d sneak out at night, pretending to fetch water, just so we could talk and hold hands. My dad suspected but never caught us.
It ended quickly, though. Tobi graduated, lost his phone, and we stopped talking. Years later, in 2018, he attended my dad’s funeral and tried to rekindle things, but I’d outgrown whatever brief history we shared by then. That marked the first of many “almost” relationships.
Tell me about them
In 2019, months after the brief reunion with Tobi, I met Teslim*, a coursemate who had just resumed campus. He didn’t know his way around, so I showed him; that was the start of a friendship-turned-situationship. We liked each other, but refused to date officially. I was a strict Christian girl at the time, and since he was Muslim, we both felt it could never work. But we went along regardless.
The beginning was nice. We spent almost every day together. But after a while, it got toxic. He’d be sweet one week, then ignore me for days without explanation. It messed with me, especially since we were in the same class. But I couldn’t complain much since we weren’t official.
The final straw came in 2021. One night, as we were walking back from hanging out, a girl called him, and right there, he ditched me mid-road to meet her. After that, I started matching his energy. Eventually, we talked things out, and he said he wasn’t into me anymore. That was all he had to say after almost two years together.
That must’ve hurt. How did you move on?
I didn’t take it well. I dramatically moved from being the “good girl” to the typical “bad girl” in uni. I started smoking to numb the pain of being in the same space with Teslim. On some days, I got so high that I almost missed class tests. Thankfully, I caught myself before it became a full-blown addiction.
But the experience changed me. I became more cautious about relationships and less naïve.
Right. So when did you try again?
In 2021. I met Abel* through a mutual friend. He was direct and told me what he wanted from the jump. Abel was thoughtful in his own way, always texting and showing concern, but I was skeptical. In my head, I had a standard for the kind of person I wanted to date, and he just didn’t fit.
What were these standards?
There was the physical aspect — he wasn’t stylish, and that made me shy to be with him publicly. Beyond that, I need someone who shows care through actions, not just words. Abel never went beyond texting.
On top of that, he was childish. Whenever he was upset, he’d lash out harshly or give me the silent treatment for weeks. Then, he’d reappear to insult me. Once, he even called me “irritating and annoying.” That was when I knew I was done.
Things ended when he saw one of my tweets about men and felt offended. He went off on me in my DMs, but I didn’t respond. That was our last interaction. Around that time, I’d already started talking to Dave*, a guy I met on Twitter.
How did things go with Dave?
He slid into my DMs after I posted some pictures in 2022. At first, I didn’t think it’d be serious. We flirted, met at a hangout, and hooked up. I thought that was it, but he insisted he wanted more.
He seemed perfect at the start: older, mature, and affectionate. He ticked all my boxes. But shortly after, I had to leave town because of a strike, and being away changed things. He got slower with responses and openly flirted with other girls on Twitter.
I also noticed he had matching bracelets with a girl he interacted with a lot. When I asked, he claimed they were just friends. But I knew he wasn’t being honest, which killed my trust.
When I returned months later, I tried to keep things strictly physical, and we slipped into a friends-with-benefits situation. But that didn’t last. Through a mutual friend, I discovered the bracelet girl was actually his full-time girlfriend. I also saw chats where he flirted with my friend, even saying he wished he’d met her first.
That was it for me. I ended things amicably, but he wouldn’t let go. I eventually got involved with Peace*, someone from Dave’s Twitter circle. Dave eventually found out and accused me of spiting him. It wasn’t true, but by then, I didn’t care about his feelings. He blocked me everywhere after that.
God abeg. Was it any better with Peace?
Honestly, I was never into him romantically. After all the emotional gymnastics with Dave, I just wanted something light. The situation with Peace was purely physical. We were together for about eight months. He treated me well and even asked me out officially, but my gut said no.
My friends thought he was my silver lining and made me feel silly for rejecting him. They turned out to be wrong.
What happened?
He was the most deceptive of them all. One day, I got a DM from a woman who said she was “coming to me as a woman.” She turned out to be his girlfriend of nearly five years.
She’d seen pictures I posted in his car and realised we were together. She revealed he was juggling multiple women while also sleeping unprotected with me. She also revealed that he had lied about almost everything. He’d told me his family was abroad and wealthy, but in reality, he was the breadwinner for his family in Offa*. He said he’d graduated with an engineering degree, but he was still battling spillovers in Agriculture.
Wow. You never suspected?
Never. I didn’t even think to double-check anything he told me. He covered his tracks well. If his girlfriend hadn’t messaged me, I’d still be in the dark. When I confronted him, even with proof, he tried to make her look like a bitter ex, even though he’d sent her love texts just that morning. I eventually blocked him. That was when I realised I’d hit rock bottom with my choices.
Damn. Do you think these experiences have altered your idea of love?
Never compromise. Whether there’s an official relationship tag or not, it’ll still hurt the same once you see red flags and ignore them. I compromised too much in the past and paid for it.
I’ve also admitted to myself that I have commitment issues and some unrealistic standards. Maybe I let go of people who could’ve treated me well because they didn’t tick all my boxes immediately.
Now, I’m trying to widen my options. The dating pool is vast; it doesn’t always have to be “man and woman.” There’s a girl I’m currently interested in. We’re just getting to know each other, but I’m open to seeing where it leads.
Great. So, how are the streets treating you? Rate it on a scale of 1-10.
Maybe a 6. Some days, it’s fun not being tied down. Other days, it gets lonely. But for now, I’m okay being single until I find what I’m really looking for.
*Names have been changed for anonymity.
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