Vin Diesel, the evil you have done with Fast and Furious is enough. Please, rest.
You have to be living under a rock if you haven’t heard about Fast and Furious at this point. Returning for its tenth installment, the car racing film turned action/heist/thriller franchise has become famous for two things: having Vin Diesel say ”family” at least 1000 times per film and its impossible stunt scenes that defy physics and every other scientific law.
With each installment of the franchise crazier than the last, we’re looking at some of the most unhinged and unrealistic stunts Dom (Vin Diesel) and his gang have pulled over the years and whether or not they’d work in Nigeria.
12. Driving a car into a yacht (2 Fast 2 Furious, 2003)
Looking at the ridiculous accidents in Abuja with cars ending up on statues, I think crashing a car into a yacht is child’s play. This is literally the easiest stunt they’ve pulled in the Fast and Furious franchise. All you need to do is find a yacht, not a flying boat.
11. Dom destroys the street with his feet (Furious 7, 2015)
Considering all the roads that spoil every week and the buildings that collapse every three market days, Dom causing an earthquake with his feet is very possible. You might have to stomp more than once, but remain resilient and watch the ground open and swallow your enemies.
10. Stretching Dom’s car with ropes (The Fate of the Furious, 2017)
Another easy stunt. It doesn’t take much to use ropes to drag someone’s car. The somersaulting is another story sha. But the rope thing? Very possible.
9. The final race on a train track (The Fast and the Furious, 2001)
This stunt is only dangerous when trains actually work. Most of the government trains in Nigeria are part-time workers doing remote work, so they’re on like twice a month. Just ensure you’re not pulling a Vin Diesel on the day they have trips to make. If not, you’re on your own.
8. Hobbs holding a helicopter with his bare hands (Hobbs and Shaw, 2018)
I know it looks impossible, but dear, have you seen the men and women at iFitness or Fitness Central? Those people are obviously on crack based on the weights they lift daily. How many kilograms does a helicopter weigh? I’m sure it’s lightweight for my Nigerian gym bros.
7. Dropping cars from planes (Furious 7, 2015 and Fast X, 2023)
Is it the same Nigeria where you have to pay thousands for extra luggage? Imagine paying to fly a car, only to tell the pilot to drop the car mid-flight with you in it. After asking if their village people sent you to them, there’s a high chance the pilot will swear for you and all your family members.
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6. Remote controlling all the cars on the street (Furious 7, 2015)
Charlize Theron’s Cypher may have created the coolest device to control cars within a three mile radius. But I can bet it won’t work in Nigeria. Imagine trying to control all the cars on the third mainland bridge, and PHCN takes power? What will happen while you wait for them to turn on the gen? The wahala is not worth it.
5. Dragging a bank vault across the street (Fast Five, 2011)
This stunt is only possible in places with free roads, like Uyo or Kaduna. These days, even Abuja has traffic. How do you expect to speed away with a vault when facing bumper-to-bumper traffic almost every day?
4. Dom flying his cars between two skyscrapers (Furious 7, 2015)
This stunt “worked” because it was Dubai, and almost every building there is a skyscraper, so it was easy for Dom and his people to drive from one to the other. The distance wasn’t a lot. Skyscrapers are scarce in Nigeria, boo. You can fly out of a skyscraper and crash into a bungalow here. Please do this at your own risk because while cars might fly in Dubai, they obey the laws of gravity here.
3. The gang battling a tank and Dom catching Letty like Superman (Fast and Furious 6, 2013)
No, in what world is this even possible? I need Vin Diesel and his people to be for real. Unless your middle name is Kal-El or Thor, I’ll advise you to steer clear of this unhinged jump. Once again, who are we deceiving here, Vinny boy?
2. Driving and fighting beside a plane that’s on fire (Fast and Furious 6, 2013)
This stunt is only possible in the Fast and Furious multiverse of craze. There’s no way you believe this is actually possible.
1. Driving into space. Yes, space (Fast 9, 2021)
Getting to drive your car from one state to another in Nigeria is a journey that requires the blood of Jesus and a couple of other spiritual reinforcements. So can you now imagine driving a car into space from Nigeria? Let’s forget that it’s not possible, even in America. But in Nigeria? Chelsea, come on now? Maybe you can try again in 2030, the year Nigeria has projected it’ll send someone into space.
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