Pros and Cons of Being a Nigerian Gym Bro

March 30, 2022

These days, almost every guy is going to the gym and working out as if there’s a war coming and we just don’t know what to make of it. With the rate at which mandem are hitting the gym these days, it only felt right that we explore some of the pros and cons of becoming a Nigerian gym bro. 

Pro: People fear you because they think you can fight

The moment your chest starts looking like throw pillows trapped under a blanket and your arms look bigger than someone’s head, everyone around you automatically assumes you know how to fight. You’ll find men hailing you randomly with “big man”, “boss” and every other oga-adjacent name in the Nigerian dictionary. This is good for your self-esteem, and to be honest, it’s just great to know no one will try nonsense with you out of fear. 

Con: Muscle is vanity and you can’t fight

Tell the truth and shame the devil. Can you fight? Having big ass muscles is great, but you’ll need more than that to win a fight. Remember how small David finished Goliath with a catapult? That’s about to be you when you decide to use your vanity muscles in a real fight and die because your opponent decided to throw an antique Nokia phone at your forehead. Better sit down and add more whey protein to your pap.

Pro: Women want to hold and touch your arms all the time 

Women love to hold arms. I don’t know why, but it does something for them. That and rubbing a bald head like they’re expecting a genie to jump out of it. When you become a gym bro with big arms, your girl and her girls will grab your arms for no reason. It’s actually cute. 

Cons: Women really really like the arm thing and you’ll get tired of it

Even though I initially described it as cute, the cuteness will wear off and you’ll slowly start dying inside. Sis, leave my arm alone now! Do you want to remove it and take it home as a souvenir from my burial? 

Pro: Going to the gym and eating clean improves your mental and physical health

Every gym bro who actually eats right and maintains a consistent routine will tell you that they wake up and go to bed feeling really good. Yes, life and this shithole Nigeria will frustrate you daily and no amount of Romanian Deadlifts can save you from that. But at least you know the one place you can escape and be in control is the gym, and it feels so fucking good. 

Cons: Improved mental and physical health, but at what cost? 

Living a healthy life is expensive AF! Why am I buying a “healthy” wrap full of leaves for ₦3000 when I can buy a shawarma and a low-budget bottle of diluted wine for the same amount. Then there’s a gym membership, protein shake, creatine and pre-workout money? It’s too much abeg. 

RECOMMENDED: 8 Workouts that are Definitely from the Pits of Hell

Pro: You’ll look good naked

I don’t even have to say too much about this. Gym bros and removing their clothes unprovoked go hand in hand. Working out builds your confidence and that’s why all you need to do is breathe and a gym bro will take off his shirt (and pants sometimes) just to show you his gains. Oshey, Ikeja Chris Hemsworth! We keep saying it’s to track progress, but deep down, we’re just whores of Babylon. 

Con: Your whole existence becomes a thirst trap

The moment you post a shirtless picture or a picture in your underwear tracking your quads or hamstrings growth, people will rush into your comments shouting “thirst trap” and “ashewo”. It’s almost like gym bros can’t breathe without being sexualised. We just want to have peace and be treated like every other human. Is that too much to ask? 

Pro: Your clothes will fit better

When you work out, clothes fit better. You can rock the yassified version of the classic igbo man mosquito net shirt or really tight shirts, and it’ll all just fit like a glove. Your clothes will always give what they’re supposed to give. But kindly note that if you didn’t know how to dress before,, becoming a gym bro isn’t some How Do I Look? style intervention. 

Con: Your old clothes don’t fit anymore

Being naked is not a bad thing, but at some point, you’ll have to wear clothes and what will you do when your clothes don’t fit anymore? We talk about this sensitive issue in hushed tones and it gets swept under the rug a lot, but the same thick thighs that save lives do usually rip your jeans every two months. Your favourite trousers will turn into leggings and your favourite shirt will start to restrict your airflow. E choke for real, my brother. Who has money to be changing clothes in this economy? 

Pro: You make friends with other gym bros

There’s always a community of other gym bros looking to support and champion you on. When you hit a new personal record, they’re there to hail you. And when you feel like you can’t push through that final rep, they’ll scream and shout until you actually do it. It’s actually really sweet how gym bros show up for each other. 

Con: Weight can fall on your head any time, any day

This is pretty self-explanatory. As someone who has had a barbell fall on his face and scatter his teeth, I can confirm that this and other gym accidents usually happen once in a while. Are you sure you can handle it? 

ALSO READ: 8 Types Of Men You’ll Meet At The Gym

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 14, 2019

The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

More from Man Dem

November 27, 2022

My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms. Adnan and Michael didn’t like themselves when they met at a job orientation four years ago — one was very serious, while the other just couldn’t be bothered about anything. Despite their differences, the two have become best friends, […]

November 21, 2022

There’s a high chance you’ve heard about the #NoNutNovember challenge. The rules for the challenge are simple: step into November, and do your best not to cum for 30 days.  While I initially thought the #NoNutNovember challenge was just social media bants. I recently realised some people, mostly men, take it seriously. But why? And […]

November 6, 2022

My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms. A random tweet and mutual love for photography brought Jerrie and Kunle together five years ago. Even though Jerrie hired Kunle as his photography assistant, the two have become best friends who aren’t scared to make fun of each […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X