What Would Abbott Elementary Teachers Look Like in a Nigerian School?

April 14, 2022

Not since The Office have we seen a workplace comedy as fun as Abbott Elementary. Created by Twitter sensation, Quinta Bronson, the show introduces us to the crazy teachers in the fictional public school, Abbott Elementary. Even though the show has wrapped up for the year, we can’t seem to get these teachers out of our minds. What would it look like if we took them out of Abbott, and placed them in Nigerian schools? Let’s find out.  

1. Janine Teagues as the I-too-know Fine Arts or Music teacher 

Janine is that teacher you try so hard to avoid, but you just can’t seem to escape her. For some reason, she always has a bubbly personality as if she’s not suffering in Nigeria like the rest of us. Always in charge of extra-curricular activities, she’s probably the teacher leading the debate club, the boring mid-term excursion or the end-of-year party’s choreography. Sis, rest abeg. She truly enjoys teaching, and if you let her, she’ll introduce herself to your family and become your lesson teacher.

2. Gregory Eddie as the strict Mathematics or Intro-Tech teacher

Teachers like Greg are always super annoying. Yes, we know our education is important, but, please, sir, be calming down. He’s the type of teacher to bombard you with assignments and give impromptu tests because he wants to “stimulate and ascertain the depths of one’s intellectual reserve”. The only redeeming quality about Greg is his good looks. And the annoying thing is, he probably doesn’t even know it. Shame. 

3. Barbara Howard as the bougie French or Home Econs teacher

She’s the religious, bougie teacher who speaks British English. She’s probably going to teach a fancy subject that doesn’t stress her too much, because all she really wants to do is drag students to her office during lunch break to talk about Jesus Christ. She’s good at her job without putting too much effort into it and will most likely get along with your parents. Fun fact: her husband drops and picks her up from school every day, and her nail colour is always red or purple. 

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4. Ava Coleman as the short, skirt-wearing principal full of vibes and enjoyment

If there’s one thing we know about Principal Ava is that this woman is all vibes. She’s the type of principal who’ll change her name from Ijeoma to “IJ Baby” on a whim. Will she run the school to the ground and be the worst principal? Yes. But you can always count on her to make every graduation ceremony and prize-giving day lit AF! She’s also the type of principal that’ll tell your parents all the rubbish you did in school, just so she can famz with them and collect gifts once in a while. She’s incompetent as hell, but her fashion game will always be on point and hair will always be laid to slay. Purr. 

5. Jacob Hill as the “I want to be cool” NYSC teacher

Do you remember that NYSC teacher that always acted like he knew all the happening slangs and popping songs? Yes, that’s Jacob. Teachers like this are so desperate to connect with students, that it can start to become very irritating. You’re not one of us, sir; go and play with your age mates. 

6. Melissa Schemmenti as the easygoing Social Studies teacher 

She has all the tea about everyone in school. If you check, you’ll also see that her classes are fun because she’s always going off-topic with crazy “back in my days” gist. Students love her because she doesn’t eat into free periods and rarely has the energy to punish anybody. The coolest teacher for real. 

7. Mr. Johnson as the oversabi non-academic staff member

He’s not a teacher, but he’s constantly snitching on students to the principal. No one knows his full name, so he tends to go by Baba-Something. He’s either the bus driver, security guard or school cleaner. If you check the records, he’s probably been in that school since they opened. Major ancient-of-days vibe.

ALSO READ: What If Ozark Was a Nigerian TV Show?

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