Witchcraft & The Idolatry Of Beyonce, According To This Insane Conspiracy Theory

July 31, 2020

Once upon a time, an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity trended on the internet. I did the dirty work of actually reading and recapping it. The article was so popular that I decided to make my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I’ll be recapping the conspiracy theory titled, “WITCHCRAFT, DARK MUSIC & THE IDOLATRY OF BEYONCÉ” by Delphine Okobah.

Look at the queen serving Baphomet realness.

So, Beyoncé’s highly anticipated visual album, Black Is King, is finally out. In it, she reimagines the story of The Lion King using music, dance, poetry, woven in beautiful African imagery and culture. This is exactly how I knew that as soon as the musical film was released, conspiracy theorists would be on it like white on rice.

And I was right.

Not long after I tweeted that, someone sent me a post on Instagram containing an insane conspiracy theory about Beyoncé made by a woman named Delphine Okobah. The Delphinator’s (that’s what she calls herself) bio says that her account is dedicated to “amplifying stories that save.” After reading all TEN SLIDES, I figured this was something y’all needed to see.

The idea of someone sitting down to design this cover using the silhouette of the stereotypical depiction of a witch cracks me up so bad. All I can imagine when I look at this is Beyoncé flying her broomstick to the set of Black Is King every day in a cloak, mini-dress, 3-inch heels, and the sorting hat from Harry Potter on her head.

Sounding like the opening narration of a dystopian movie, Delphine starts with the claim that there has been an increase in demon activity recently. According to her, the line between both realms have been blurred (I think Robin Thicke predicted this) and everyone’s going to have to pick a side because a war is coming and “casual Christians will become casualties.” That last line made my mind go:

When are we getting the rap album, Delphine??!

She says that witchcraft is becoming more mainstream, citing the witches who came out in support of the Black Lives Matter movement and the Nigerian women who sell/use the popular love charm, Kayan Mata, as proof. There’s also something about the gentrification of witchcraft.

She finally gets to the matter of interest by calling Beyoncé the queen of witchcraft in music. She claims that Beyoncé has been trying to let people know – using her music – that she’s about that witch life but people have refused to hear word. Delphine presents the poem, Denial, from Beyoncé’s 2016 album, Lemonade, as an example.

“How does one levitate downwards?” – Delphine

“She did all that to meet Satan!” – Delphine

“She thinks the bible and everything it stands for is trash!” – Delphine

She brings up lyrics from Beyoncé’s 2020 single, Black Parade, as another example.

“This aunty is telling you people where she gets her powers from but a lot of you are just excited that she’s making references to Africa!” – Delphine

“THIS IS A COMMON WITCHCRAFT RITUAL USED TO PROGRAM INTENTIONS INTO GEMSTONES!!! “ – Delphine

She alleges that the reason the Beyhive stans her so hard is because she has used juju on them. She also says that Beyoncé has been guest-starring in her dreams for the past 2 years.

RECOMMENDED: How BBNaija Is Preparing Nigerians For The Coming Of The Antichrist

There’s this:

I’d never heard of this so I went a-googling and it turns out that it’s true!

I’m a Beyist now.

Delphine claims that Black Is King has been released with a dark potent spell that will put a heavy veil on the hearts of young people everywhere. Why? Because contrary to popular belief, Beyoncé does not have our best interests at heart. She says that the supposed aim of the visual album – to celebrate black ancestry and African tradition using a modern twist and universal language – is a fucking lie because:

“With music generally, protect your entry gates (ears) and guard your heart!” – Delphine

Delphine’s final message is this:

“Stop worshipping stars (celebrities) and worship the STAR (Jesus) who birthed the other stars!” – Delphine

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is 4a0x8e.jpg

Till next week, y’all.

RECOMMENDED: How BBNaija Is Preparing Nigerians For The Coming Of The Antichrist


Check back every Friday at 6 PM for more So You Don’t Have To insanity.

Click here to read other entries in the So You Don’t Have To series.


You'll like this

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

October 21, 2020

The Nigerian military has a well-documented history of killing unarmed civilians. Listed below are five times the Nigerian military has killed unarmed civilians. 1. Baga Massacre, 2013 On 16 April 2013, 200 civilians were killed and over 2,000 houses were destroyed, with many other people injured in the village of Baga, Borno State, Nigeria. Refugees, […]

October 20, 2020

Earlier today, the Lagos government declared a 24-hour-curfew starting 4pm. However protesters and people who couldn’t go home on such short notice remained at the Lekki toll-gate. News have however reached us that peaceful protesters and people at the toll-gate are being shot at. Here’s what’s happening: To watch it live, click here. For more […]

October 20, 2020

If the president is not moving fast with police reforms, we can submit a petition to the National Assembly. 24-hour Curfew Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu has imposed a 24-hour curfew on all parts of Lagos State as from 4 pm, 20th October 2020. He also added that only essential service providers and first responders “must be […]

Recommended Quizzes

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

More from So You Don't Have To

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X