I Watched The Nollywood Movie, “Full Moon,” So You Don’t Have To

June 4, 2021

Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I’ll be recapping the Nollywood movie, “Full Moon.”

Long before Fox gave us the first X-Men movie in the year 2000, Chico Ejiro gave us “Full Moon,” a movie about a discount mutant named Lucy ( Regina Askia) who gets her powers from the full moon because she was born under a full moon.

The movie’s opening scene is set at night and I can’t anything because the lighting is poor as shit. I have to strain my eyes and go by sounds. From what I can gather, a man named James and his heavily pregnant wife, Edna, are chilling in their mud house in the village when three men attack James. Edna sees this happen and is like:

She jumps out of the window and tries to run but goes into stress-induced labour. Out of nowhere, a full moon that looks suspiciously like a torchlight held behind a white table cloth shows up and shines inappropriately bright rays on her as she’s screaming in pain.

Edna’s neighbour and sister-in-law, Julie (Dolly Unachukwu), hears her screaming and goes to find her. Julie finds Edna, kneels right next to her, and asks a very stupid question:

Girl, can’t you see she’s having a baby by herself in the middle of the bush??

Edna gives birth to a baby girl and dies, but not before she asks Julie to raise the child as her own.Julie agrees and takes the baby home to her husband, P.J (Sola Fosudo). They decide to keep her and name her Lucy. James’ brothers Uncle (Pete Edochie), Tony (Peter Bruno), and Daniel (Kanayo O Kanayo) show up to P.J and Julie’s house to say they’ve heard the news of James and Edna’s deaths. When Julie says they should investigate (because they’re in positions of power in the village), Uncle says no. This is his reason:

And I’m like, “Negative attention from who?!”

It’s revealed after this that all the brothers jointly-own an oil-rich plot of land in the village, which all of them, except James, want to sell. After James’ burial, the others sell the land to a white man and cash out. It’s heavily implied that they orchestrated James’ murder so the land could be sold.

10 years later, Lucy is asleep in her room when the full moon shows face and is like:

How the moon was shining so bright in a room with no windows will forever be a mystery.

Lucy goes outside and this happens:

I take this to mean that her mutant powers have been activated and I’m proven right in the next scene. Julie is bringing Lucy a plate of soup when she trips and falls. This causes Lucy to go into discount Jean Grey mode by suspending the plate of soup in the air, leaving Julie to fall flat on her ass.

Julie is fucking terrified so she does what old Nollywood mothers do when their child exhibits any strange behaviour. She takes Lucy for deliverance.

After the prayer, the pastor asks Lucy if she saw or felt anything during the prayer. Lucy says nothing but stares at him in a way that feels like she wants to say:

The pastor realises there’s nothing he can do so he sends them home, convincing Julie that Lucy has been healed.

15 years later, P.J and Julie are now super rich and live in a big house that loos like it was decorated by a 49-year old Igbo man. On Lucy’s 25th birthday, they buy her a car and she’s super excited. So excited that she ditches her birthday party to go on a joy ride with her friend. When they get back to Lucy’s house, they’re attacked at the gate by knife-wielding men who attempt to rape them. At that moment, the full moon shows up and is like:

Then this happens:

The entire time the guy was being roasted, I was screaming, “Fuck him up, sis! UP FEMCO!!!”

We find out that Julie and P.J are having marital problems caused by P.J’s refusal to stop sexing up his secretary. When Julie confronts him, he says he’s eating hairy snails outside their home because she never had a child for him. When Julie says they have Lucy, P.J says:

What neither one of the knows is that Lucy is eavesdropping on their conversation.

After finding out she’s adopted, she demands to know who her real parents are and what happened to them. When she gets all the tea from Julie, she gets angry and kills Tony (one of the men who orchestrated her parents’ death) by zapping him out of existence!

Wanda Maximoff is SHAKING!

Lucy goes to Julie and says…

…and Julie convinces her that everything will be ok but that’s not true. Because after that, someone starts trying to kill Lucy. Someone locks her in the bathroom and pumps it full of smoke in an attempt to serve gas chamber realness. The next attempt happens when Lucy is driving down a lonely road at night and a bus blocks her car. Instead of her to reverse and drive in the other direction, she gets down from her car and starts running in heels.

Before Bryce Dallas Howard ran from a T-Rex in heels in “Jurassic World,” Regina Askia ran from a danfo in chunky heels in “Full Moon.”

Lucy goes to kill Greg, another one of her parents’ murderers, by turning him into chalk (?) I don’t know. Look at this:

After Greg’s death, the rest of the brothers realise that someone is picking them off one by one. So they go to a babalawo dressed in the Nigerian flag for some reason. He reveals to them why they’re being killed and who’s doing it.

Lucy, who has no idea that her uncles now know she’s the killer, is chilling in her living room when gun men break into the house and kidnap her. She later finds out that P.J is behind the kidnap, and when she calls him daddy, he’s like:

He reveals that he’s the one who’s been trying to kill her. He then orders the kidnappers to kill her and dump her body in a lagoon. However, the moon comes through for Lucy and she sets all of them on fire. P.J goes to a mysterious island to find out how he can successfully kill Lucy. On his way to see the “wise one,” he encounters the weirdest shit. Like a giant snake that was obviously cut out of a Nat Geo wild documentary:

And a cannibal forest tribe who sacrifice a girl to their god: A giant brown chicken.

The wise one tells him that because he and his brothers brought this on themselves, he needs to ask for Lucy’s forgiveness. P.J hears this and promises to follow the wise one’s instructions but gets home and decides to shoot Lucy in the head instead.

Typical of a Nigerian parent. They’d rather die (in this case, commit murder) than apologise.

He decides against shooting because he doesn’t want her blood to mess up his expensive floors. Julie tries to intervene but he threatens to shoot them both. Julie knocks P.J over the head with a chair (WWE style) and she and Lucy run outside. P.J follows them outside and is about to shoot when the moon (who’s a fucking character and deus ex machina at this point) shows face again. Lucy harnesses the moon’s power and turns P.J into a pillar of salt.

RECOMMENDED: I Watched The Music Video For Seyi Sodimu’s “Love Me Jeje” So You Don’t Have To

Love me jeje

Check back every Friday for more So You Don’t Have To insanity.

Click here to read other entries in the So You Don’t Have To series.

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this


Now on Zikoko

leaving their ex
June 18, 2021

Sometimes we get overwhelmed and make decisions we later regret. In this article, seven Nigerian women talk about why they regret leaving their ex.  Tomisin, 25 My ex used to send me not less than 50k every month.  He moved abroad and after two months, he told me he has fallen in love with someone […]

June 18, 2021

People love us for various reasons. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you what your friends love most about you. Relationships can be hard, and sometimes you just need someone to give you a bit of advice. Ask Ozzy is our new advice column where you send Zikoko the relationship questions that have been bugging […]

June 17, 2021

While smart investing is a sure way to build and retain wealth, it can be a daunting prospect for beginners. In the same vein, it is a lot easier when you understand the various options in which you can invest and ultimately grow your wealth. Here are some options you can consider when taking the […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 27, 2019

Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out: 11 Quizzes For People Who Aren’t […]

November 30, 2019

With No Nut November FINALLY coming to an end, we’ve decided to mark the torturous month with some more horny content. After quizzes that guessed how many people you’ve slept with, how good you are in bed and who you’ll sleep with next, this one will guess when next you’ll get lucky. Take it to […]

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

More from So You Don't Have To


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.