I will be recapping the 2022 Nigerian Netflix original series, Blood Sisters.
Once upon a time, an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity trended on the internet. I did the dirty work of actually reading and recapping it. The article was so popular that I decided to make my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To “, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc.) and recap them for your pleasure.
In total honesty, I went into Blood Sisters on Netflix thinking it would suck. Contrary to what some people believe, I’m not a hater. It’s just that Nollywood has done us dirty so many times that I’ve become disenchanted. I’ve trained myself not to expect good products to avoid having my hopes dashed. So when I started this limited series, I expected more of the same thing they’ve done for years.
Ladies and gentlemen, within a few minutes, I was hooked.
The show had me in such a chokehold that I binged it all in one sitting. I laughed, cried, and gagged all through. I was screaming at my laptop like that one annoying person in the cinema who reacts to everything happening onscreen. Annoyance would’ve driven them to murder me if I were watching this with people. It would’ve been like that scene in Scary Movie where Regina Hall’s character is noisy during a screening of Shakespeare in Love, so the other cinema patrons — led by Gandhi and Mother Theresa — band together to stab her to death.
Don’t ask how this happened. Just enjoy it.
To be clear, I’m not saying that Blood Sisters is perfect. If you pay close attention, a few things are off here and there. But it gets so much right that I can’t bring myself to tackle it the way I do the other movies in this series. So we’re going to do something different today. When I watch a movie to recap for this series, I take notes (random thoughts and questions) about it as I go along. I’m going to put out the random thoughts I had about the first two episodes of Blood Sisters while watching it. If you have any musings about the show, add them in the comments.
- The first scene is of two women hiding a body? It’s giving How To Get Away With Murder tease, and I’m here for it.
- Did Kola spend his entire business meeting working on the drawing of Sarah? That’s low-key rude. If I were one of the other people in that meeting, I’d be pissed.
- Nancy Isime in a bob wig? “What’s your name B.O.B? So they calling you BOB?!”
- Femi (Gabriel Afolayan) and Yinka’s (Kehinde Bankole) dynamic is giving discount “Andre and Anika Lyon from Empire” vibes.
- A small part of me was terrified that this would be a remake of old Nollywood’s Blood Sisters, and I am so happy this it’s not that.
- I’m happy that Daniel Etim Effiong is in this. I like seeing his face.
- This assassin is awful at his job. He’s not even trying to blend in.
- Uche Jumbo is playing Ini-Dima Okojie’s mother? Uche is only 11 years older than Ini-Dima. Why not just cast someone older?
- Wow. Uduak (Kate Henshaw) just dey squeeze face like monkey wey lick lime. Who shit in her oatmeal?
- Why does Uduak keep french-kissing her son, Kola? Why is no one else reacting to it?
- Whew. These outfits are giving ELEGANZA EXTRAVAGANZA. Give the costume designer for this movie all the awards.
- Kola left his business meeting, saying he didn’t want to be late for his wedding. This event is an engagement.
- I am also living for these wigs. Throw in some awards, too, for whoever handled hair.
- Ramsey Nouah is in this. Someone should ask him why he spells his last name that way. It’s so confusing, and I have to google every time.
- Timeyin (Genoveva Umeh) just showed up, and I already stan her.
- This assassin could’ve at least worn a native attire. Now Kola has spotted him.
- Lmao. Kola is whooping this assassin’s ass.
- Kola just let the assassin go?!
- Uche Jumbo is acting the house down, but even this pussycat wig isn’t enough to properly age her.
- Uduak is not even pretending to be excited by this engagement.
- The shoulders of Uduak’s wedding attire are giving Voltron realness.
- Kemi (Nancy Isime) chopped that head clean off. She’s hardcore. I want to hang out with her.
- Where did Sarah and Kemi get housekeeping uniforms?
- It’s funny that the security man who stops the girls as they’re moving Kola’s body says that the bride looks seems like a woman that emasculates men for fun but can’t even recognise her. Nawa.
- Why was the photographer hanging out in the parking lot?
- They decided to bury Kola in the middle of a construction site?! GIRL!
- Not Uduak throwing Sarah out of the house! Skshsksndk
- Uduak never passes up a chance to call people poor. I love it.
- Why is Timeyin always dressed like…this?
- Sarah hasn’t stopped sweating since the murder happened. I feel so bad for her.
- Timeyin giving it to Femi hot hot and I love it.
- The way I laughed when Uduak called Timeyin a useless addict who will always find her way to drugs has definitely earned me a one way ticket to hell.
- I love that Kemi is finding the time to serve lewks in the middle of all this.
- What is the point of this sex scene between Femi and Yinka?
- What in the world is going on with Inspector Slo’s (Wale Ojo) accent?
- Yinka trying to bribe Timeyin with a buffet of drugs is truly the most evil thing I have ever seen.
- Uduak’s outfits are becoming more unhinged as the show goes on, and hunty, I am living.
- The suit that Kemi wears to go ask Ibrahim (Eso Dike Okolocha) for a gun is so fucking fabulous.
- While we’re kinda on his matter, why does Ibrahim sound like Jennifer Tilly?
- You know what? I, too, would run over the photographer. He’s annoying as shit, and I don’t feel bad for him.
- I don’t understand why Kenny is still doing gun body for Sarah. Something tells me he’ll get in trouble for not staying away.
- Another Femi and Yinka sex scene?!
- Now that Kola’s body has been found, how is Femi going to explain that he was lying when he said he’d been hearing from Kola?
- I must be a horrible person because the scream of despair Uduak lets out after finding out about Kola’s death made me giggle.
- The scene where Inspector Slo talks about working with the Chicago PD for twenty years is funny but it still doesn’t explain why his accent is inconsistent.
- Everybody needs a friend like Kemi tbh. She’s so resourceful and street smart.
- I need a friend like Kemi. I would not last two seconds in a scenario like this.
- Uncle B (Ramsey Nouah) still hasn’t said a word.
- This scene where Kemi and Sarah plan to run away together is so damn touching. Nancy Isime and Ini-Dima Okojie are acting the house down.
- The car Uncle B drives is cool and all but the whole idea of tailing someone is to be inconspicuous. Not only is his car so unique, but it’s also now light blue. Sksnzkdndk!
Blood Sisters isn’t perfect but it’s a damn fun ride and upgrade from most of the stuff Nollywood has served us recently. It’s on Netflix. Go check it out.