The Old Nollywood Guide To Falling In Love

June 19, 2020

Old Nollywood movies all had the same formula for falling in love, and the couples always seemed to live happily ever after. So, here are some tips and tricks that can help you trap meet the love of your life.

1. Find someone significantly poorer than you.

The bigger the wealth gap, the stronger the love.

2. Hit that person with your car.

Not too hard sha, you can’t go and kill your future spouse.

3. Pretend to be poor so they fall in love with the “real you”.

As per rich people are artificial.

4. Go eat jollof rice at Mr. Biggs.

…or any other poorly-lit eatery.

5. Slowly sip juice through straws.

While looking lovingly into each others’ eyes.

6. Run on the beach and ride a horse together.

This is the peak of your romance.

7. Chase each other around the nearest tree.

In slow motion, of course.

8. Push each other on a swing set.

While laughing and smiling at nothing in particular.

9. Throw popcorn at each other.

While Celine Dion plays in the background.

10. Go shopping at a “boutique”.

…and never look at the price.

11. Feed each other icecream.

Then playfully smear a little on their nose.

12. Have someone bitterly scheming to break you up.

Either the secretary or the housegirl.

13. Have your parents irrationally disapprove of the relationship.

The more ridiculous their reasons, the stronger your love.

14. Prayerfully overcome all the haters.

Your love must win.

15. Marry and finally have sex fully-clothed under the covers.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY.

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