To stay entertained and unmoved by the bs, these are the only trusted, effective ways to watch BBTitans.

Don’t have a fave

Go in blind, come out blind. If possible, don’t even take note of their names. Give them nicknames, or better still, call them contestant 1 to whatever number they came in as. Detach yourself from Big Brother’s children lest they carry you go where you no know.

Make a deal with nepa

Go to their office with a big fat hamper and beg them one by one. We don’t care how they’ll know when you’ve watched enough. Just beg them to cut your light off when it’s enough.

Watch it only on your TV

Watch big brother only on your tv. Do not, and I’ll repeat it, do not watch it via Twitter. Agendas will rise. You’ll want to see what’s happening in real-time. Next thing, you’re awake at 3 a.m. watching your fave like a witch watches their calabash.

Wear a rubber band around your wrist

It’s going to get heated. The housemates will get into fights, but you have to remember, it’s their fight, not yours. So every time you feel like standing on your sofa and swearing for the poor TV that hasn’t done anything to you, snap the band around your wrist to snap yourself back to reality.

Hire a slapper

Pay your slapper well oo, so they can slap you just enough to reset your brain if you start doing the most for the housemates, but not enough to give you temporary amnesia.

Don’t ship 

I know they’re cute, I know you love love, but remember, human beings cannot be trusted. If you ship, they’ll do as they please, and you’ll have to defend them on Twitter. Bye bye sanity.


Pack your load and leave the country. Get as far away as you can. That way, you can’t just turn on your TV and see them. Problem solved.



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