Every December, we beat our chests and say we’ve had enough of Nigerian artists taking us as mugs by showing up late to their concerts. We said this in 2018, 2019, skipped 2020 because of Miss Rona and now, we’re saying it again in 2021. Our frustrations forced us to do some digging as to why artists always show up late for shows. These are some of the reasons we found.
They’re fornicating
Ever wondered why artists come on stage with zero energy to perform? Well, it’s probably because they’ve been busy with another performance behind closed doors. While the rest of us were out there squeezed like sardines in a tight space, our faves were getting some tender loving care. After all, body no be firewood.
Smoking igbeaux
This is the best explanation for why most artists jump up and down on stage like a yoyo. Sometimes they even forget their lyrics, forcing us to sing their songs out loud. Please, dear, we paid to watch you perform, not the other way around. Why am I the one singing? Let’s be careful.
Attending prayer meeting
It’s important to commit everything to a higher power, but please why are you going for a prayer meeting while the rest of us are outside waiting to whine our waist to your music? My friend, you better drop that anointing oil and hop on stage. You can go back to praying for your enemies to die by fire tomorrow. For now, we need premium enjoyment.
Boiling beans
The concert is meant to start at 6 p.m and yet you decided to start boiling brown beans by 5:55 p.m? At this point, it’s safe to assume that most of our fave artists are just wicked, because why? It’s almost like they looked at their fans and thought, “fans are important, but hot beans is importanter.”
Fighting imaginary haters online
Before you can shout watimagbo, Nigerian artists will drop five songs about how their haters are waiting for them to fail. The funny thing is, half of the time, these haters are a pure figment of their imagination. To be honest, no one cares. So, instead of spending time cussing out imaginary haters, we could all just have a good time twerking and sweating.
Relaxing their beard
We all love vanity, but this is where we draw the line. Have some shame.
Stealing amapiano beats
Everyone is making amapiano music now. While we can’t say we’re mad at it, we doubt stealing your producer’s hard drive is an activity that should be done while the rest of us are queuing to watch you perform. This is a classic case of doing the right thing at the wrong time.
Sleeping
The heart of man is desperately wicked. This is the only logical explanation as to why an artist would be asleep while their fans are fighting through large crowds to be close to the stage. This happens all the time and one day, they will wake up, come to the venue and perform for ghosts because we would have had enough.
Waiting for the fans to die of frustration because suffering builds character
Dear Nigerian artists, the evil you have done is enough. We have had enough. Thank you.
