Dear Big Brother,
We understand there’s not much to do in your house, but the men you’ve put there have decided the best they can do is come together to talk about all the ways they’re playing the girls who like them.
We won’t stand for this, so we’ve decided to compile a list of more profitable pastimes they can engage in.
What’s reality TV without a sprinkle of intense gidigbo here and there. Please, lift your no-fights rule for one day, so these men (Miracle and Yemi) can fight once and for all.
They need to channel their inner creativity and turn all that side chat into a reputable form of art. Make them perform for their fellow housemates. Let the owner of the gist receive it and act accordingly.
Turn your house into a playground for 30 minutes. Give them permission to tie their sheets together and swing left and right like Tarzan.
Someone broke their bed, and they want you to fix it? Biggie, give them tools and let them sort themselves out.
Come on, you’ve done it before. Make them play dress up and talk to each other about their feelings.
Play lover boy
Half of them are already treating your house like their marital home. They might as well play Romeo and Juliet, Big Brother style.
Clean the pool
Biggie, they don’t even have to drain it. Give them soap and sponge, and make them spend their day figuring out how to wash the pool you so graciously provided them.
Do storytime and tell us their life history
The men in your house need to hold a roundtable discussion with other housemates to explain in detail who they are and why they’re moving the way they’re moving in your house. The first time around wasn’t enough, please.
Ask how they can help you
For starters, they’re obviously bigger than you because one single respect for you, they don’t have. Maybe tell all of them to keep quiet and pick pin to remind them that you’re their big brother.
Please, take this letter in good fate. We’re just trying to help you help us.