How to Release Yourself From the Shackles of Toxic Bromances

April 6, 2022

If there’s one thing about Nigerian men, it’s that we’re loyal. Most times, you’ll find male friendship circles that have remained the same for years, going back to primary or secondary school. While men are open to new friends, we rarely let go of the ones we’ve had before. 

But what happens when a friendship is no longer working for you, bro? Do you just walk away? Well, taking a page from personal experiences, here are some things to note when dealing with an almost dead bromance. 

1. How does your friendship make you feel? 

Before you rush and cut someone off (I didn’t send you o), you need to take out time to properly think about why you’re doing this. The first step is to figure out how your bro makes you feel. If the thought of your bro or just hanging out with them fills you with dread, then omo, it’s to check and balance that friendship. Friendship, like other relationships, requires a little bit of work, but that doesn’t mean your friendship should feel like Further Mathematics. 

2. Are you holding on to the past? 

Like my editor, Ruka will say, “It’s time to do some critical thinking here.” One mistake we make as humans, is that we often prefer to stick with what we know, as opposed to exploring what’s out there. Well, bro, it’s time to reevaluate your friendship. Do you guys still have things in common or are you just doing a lot of “Remember when” and “back in the day”? Friendships can get stuck once in a while, and while not all are toxic and some are still fixable, it’s important to know the difference so you can save yourself the wahala. 

3. Understand your boundaries, bro

You can’t blame someone for walking into a door you left ajar. Knowing your boundaries allows you to know what you can or cannot take from someone. Define these boundaries and if people cross them, talk to them about it. How will you resolve issues with people in your life when you can’t even trace the source of your problem. Help the people in your life help you abeg. 

4. Look for a non-confrontational way to resolve the issue

Before you call your bro out, try to settle on other ways you can fix the problem you both have. Change the dynamic slowly —they might not even notice. Be open to exploring new things or having more adventures outside of your current comfort zone. Maybe along the way, you might just rediscover what made both of you friends in the first place. But this only works if your friend is annoying. Bro, if they’re toxic toxic, skip this step with vim. 

RECOMMENDED: 5 Nigerian Men Talk About Friends Coming Through for Them

5. Talk to them about how you feel

As men, we’re not the biggest fans of confrontation especially when it’s personal and involves our feelings. Well, it’s time for you to get over that feeling and move into 2022. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, please call them out with quickness. Talk to your friend about what you’ve noticed and why you think it’s happening. If tears move start coming, bro open your eyeballs and cry. Just make sure you don’t leave anything unsaid. Vulnerability >>>

6. If they’re making points, listen

If after speaking to your guy he then decides to share his thoughts with you, please listen. Who knows? You might be the villain in this story. But you also need to know that it’s not by force to accept their explanation. 

7. Japa 

You’ve done your part — the critical thinking, the trying to change the dynamics, and the talking. Now, it’s time for you to bounce. Not all friendships are meant to last forever. Take the memories and lessons you’ve learnt and move on. By the way, sometimes, it’s best to just jump right to this point and leave the whole others behind. Life is short my guy.

ALSO READ: “I Was Miserable AF” — Nigerian Men Talk About Leaving Toxic Relationships

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