Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    What do you do when the person you consider family chooses someone else over you? In this Sunken Ships, we spoke with Ifeoluwa*(37), whose friendship with Ibrahim started on the basketball court and grew into brotherhood. 

    Things took a dark turn after they let a mutual friend, Ebele, move in. What started as an act of kindness became the beginning of the end. Ifeoluwa shares how lies, manipulation, and misplaced trust tore his closest friendship apart and how he’s still missing the bond he shared with Ibrahim.

    Let’s start from day one. How did your friendship with Ibrahim take off?

    My family had just moved to a new neighbourhood in 2006. Nearby, there was a recreational centre where boys my age would play soccer and basketball. I was an avid basketball player, and I loved joining the small teams that played on the weekends. It was during one of these matches while waiting on the sidelines that Ibrahim and I hit it off.

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    What was your friendship with Ibrahim like?

    It was like gaining a brother. Our friendship began because we instantly bonded over our love for rap music. Ibrahim wanted to be a rapper and was a fantastic lyricist. He would freestyle for us between sets, and we would exchange our favourite rap CDs when we met at the court on weekends.

    In fact, we were so close that I lived in his family’s house for more than a decade.

    How did that come about?

    By late 2008, I had tried to get into university thrice, but I never got admission despite passing JAMB and post UTME with flying colours. My parents chalked it up to us not having “leg” or an inside person and urged me to try again. But after three years of my life at home and the amount of effort I put into those exams, I decided I wanted to learn a skill instead.

    My father hated the idea of me not going to university, so he called my bluff with a crazy ultimatum. I could either sit up, write JAMB again and go to university, or I could find somewhere else to live. We got into a shouting match, and I decided to leave. 

    If you enjoyed this, you’ll also enjoy reading: Sunken Ships: 27 Years After She Dumped Me, She Wants Me Back

    Wow. That must have shocked your dad.

    He was so shocked, but so was I. I didn’t really have a plan. All I knew was that I was good with computers, and I could pull an idea or two together on CorelDRAW. The main issue became my accommodation. On that first night, I went to Ibrahim’s house and poured my heart out to him about my struggles. He was attending a private university, but my parents couldn’t afford the same for me. 

    My plight moved Ibrahim so much that he spoke to his mum about me. A kind woman, she gave Ibrahim and me the guest house attached to their home. I could live there while Ibrahim was in school, but her only condition was that I was to be gainfully employed. I leapt at the offer immediately, and for the next ten or so years, we lived as housemates. 

    How was living with Ibrahim’s family like?

    It was great. His family fed us every day, and we could go to the main house to hang out with his siblings and mum, but we felt like grown-ups living in the guest house. I started an apprenticeship at a printing shop near the city centre and started developing graphic design and merchandise production skills. Over time, I also became cordial with his three siblings, and his mum began to confide in me when Ibrahim wasn’t around. They basically adopted me.

    What went wrong then?

    In 2018, a mutual friend of ours, Ebele, was in a terrible living situation. It reminded me of when I was in those shoes, so I spoke with Ibrahim about letting him live with us since we had an extra room in the guest house, and he obliged when I vouched for Ebele. But not long after Ebele moved in with us, things started getting weird.

    How so? Can you give me an example?

    Ebele was a sly fellow and, in his need to curry favour from Ibrahim’s family, always tried to paint me in a bad light. There are several examples I can give, but one really stood out to me. In 2019, a close relative of the family passed away, and we were all invited to the burial ceremony. I had gotten into an argument with Ibrahim earlier that week, so we weren’t talking like we usually did. He told Ebele to give me the burial details, but he never did. 

    I travelled for work on that weekend, and while I was away, I got a call from Ibrahim’s mum. She sounded upset and disappointed that I didn’t come to the burial. I tried to explain that I wasn’t aware of the date, but she said Ebele already said I’d give that excuse. She said Ebele told the family that I told him I would deliberately miss the funeral because of my argument with Ibrahim. He lied that I claimed that no one was going to do anything. I was so shocked. No explanation I gave could satisfy them; they believed Ebele instead of me. 

    That must have hurt. I’m sorry.

    It did, and what made it worse was that my relationship with everyone in that house started going downhill from that time. I even got accused of stealing once! Something that had never come up in the entire decade I had lived at that house before Ebele joined us.

    My friendship with Ibrahim especially suffered. He started by keeping his unreleased songs from me. I found out later that it was because Ebele told him I actually hated his music and I didnt think he was a good artist. That useless Ebele boy was actually the thorn in my flesh. Soon, it felt like Ibrahim was doing everything to he could to avoid spending time alone with me.

    Did you ever confront Ebele about his lies?

    Yes, but he was unapologetic. He told me I wasn’t “sharp” and no one was going to believe me over him. He threatened me and told me that Ibrahim’s house wasn’t big enough for both of us, and he wouldn’t rest until I left.

    I really wish I had recorded that conversation because Ibrahim didn’t believe me when I warned him to be cautious around Ebele. I don’t know how he did it, but the family trusted him so much that by the end of 2022, I felt completely alone and shut out, even though the house was full of people.

    I’m so sorry about that. What did you do next?

    What options did I have? I didn’t do anything. One day in March 2023, Ibrahim’s mum called me aside and told me I should start making plans to move out and live elsewhere. Ebele had a “vision” that there were “strangers” in the house acting as a conduit for negative energy to come into the house. Of course, the “stranger” was me, and Ibrahim’s mum asked me to leave.  I was gutted. Ibrahim’s place really felt like a second home for me.

    In July 2023, I moved out without fanfare to a miniflat in a different part of town. Ibrahim didn’t even say goodbye to me when I packed up the last of my things. It was really hurtful.

    What’s your friendship with Ibrahim like these days?

    Estranged is the best way to describe it. I reach out to him every now and again, and he gives one-word responses. Meanwhile, on his Instagram, he and Ebele seem to be thick as thieves. 

    I heard a gist from one of our mutual friends, though, that all is not well in paradise, and Ebele is getting kicked out as well. I’ll be so happy when that happens. 

    What did they say is going on?

    Apparently, Ibrahim’s mum took the “stranger danger” vision seriously and now wants ALL strangers out of her house. She has sent away all the maids, and now Ebele is the last stranger standing. I’m hearing he has until August this year to get new accommodation.

    How does this make you feel?

    My enemy’s despair is music to my ears, o. Anything he sees there, he should collect it. Sebi he was the one seeing visions and dreams.

    Fair enough. What about Ibrahim? Would you reconcile with him if he reached out to you or showed an interest?

    In a heartbeat. He has hurt me a lot but he is my blood. We have seen each other through some of the worst phases of our lives, and I miss him. I think if he ever wants to fix our friendship, the door is always open for him. Ebele can eat dirt for all I care ,sha. That dude is not my guy.

    Has your experience with Ibrahim and Ebele changed the way you navigate friendships?

    I gatekeep my friends now, and I don’t mix my friend groups anymore. After my experience with Ebele, I’ve started to doubt how discerning I am about my pals. I think when I become more confident in my ability to judge character, I can relax a bit and mix different friend groups again.

    If you want us to share your own Sunken Ships story, fill out this form!

  • Yesterday was International Men’s Day, and while some guys might pretend not to care, we know accountability in friendships is a big deal. From calling each other out on bad behaviour to getting family members involved, these Nigerian men share how they keep their guys in check.

    Emeka*

    I’m the kind of friend who will call you out on your bullshit without sugarcoating. If I think you’re messing up, I’ll tell you straight. My guys know me as the one who isn’t afraid to speak the truth, even if it stings. Sometimes, we ignore each other for weeks, but when they cool off, they return and say, “Omo, you were right.” It’s tough love, but it works.

    Tunde*

    I have a method of holding my friends accountable that’s not exactly conventional. If someone in our circle is slipping—be it with work, relationships, or just generally acting out—I report them to family members they respect. Whether it’s a big brother or even their mum, these people have a way of speaking sense into them that I can’t. Some people would probably call it snitching, but I think it’s an act of caring.

    Dimeji*

    For me, accountability is about keeping the right energy in our circle. If someone is out here wilding, I organise an intervention. We all sit down, have a heart-to-heart, and make sure he knows we’re doing this out of love. We’ve managed to pull one of our boys back from a downward spiral using this method, and he’s still grateful to this day.

     [ad]

    Chuka*

    I’m the youngest in my friend group, but I don’t let that stop me from speaking up. If I feel like one of my older friends is messing up, I’ll send a long voice note or text explaining my point. Sometimes they listen; sometimes they brush it off. But I never keep quiet when something feels off because real friends hold each other down.

    Kelechi*

    I think accountability is all about leading by example. If you want people to follow the right path, show them you’re also on the same path. And that’s how I move with my guys. If I want them to step up—whether it’s being better partners, taking their careers seriously, or just staying healthy—I make sure I’m doing the same. I don’t preach; I live it. And over time, they start following my lead.

    Femi*

    I’m not big on confrontations, so I prefer to use humour to hold my friends accountable. If one of them is being reckless, I’ll clown him in the group chat with jokes, memes, and sarcastic comments. It’s funny, but they know the message is real. It keeps things light, but the point hits home.

    Suleiman*

    I think with age comes a different perspective on accountability. When my friends are on a self-destructive path, I bring in a mentor figure we all trust—like an elder from our mosque or a respected uncle. These people have wisdom and can talk to them in a way that makes them reflect and change. Sometimes, we need that level of seriousness.

    Read this next: 13 Sweet Messages to Send Your Bro Without Making Things Weird

  • It’s another International Men’s Day celebration, which means you’ve got to show some love to the guys in your life. However, we know some Nigerian men would rather chew glass than freely express how they feel about their male friends because it feels awkward. 

    15 Sweet Messages for men to Send Your Bro Without Making Things Weird

    If you’re on this table, we’re judging you like mad. But we’ve also compiled 15 messages that get the job done while keeping things very cutesy and demure.

    1. “You still alive, or should I start auditioning for a new best man?”

    Because sometimes, all it takes is reminding them that being your friend means constant life check-ins.

    2. “Bro, you sef go gym today?”

    A nice way to check if he’s keeping fit or needs a little pep talk to get back into routine.

    3. “Man, how’s life treating you? You know I’m here if you ever need to vent or laugh about how crazy things are.”

    This heartfelt message allows him to open up or share an unhinged gist.

    4. “Still chasing your dreams or have you settled for being my personal hype man?”

    Encouraging, with just the right amount of banter. If he’s going through something, this might give him a push to talk to you.

    5. “Drop location. Let’s eat.”

    Food solves everything. And if he’s going through something, a heavy plate of semo and seafood egusi with his bro might be what he needs.

    6. “You dey owe me gist. What’s going on?”

    Make it about him owing you instead of you worrying. It’s a win-win: he shares, and you hear all the tea.

    7. “How’s that thing we don’t talk about going?”

    He knows what you mean. And if he wants to talk about it, this message makes it easier.

    8. “Remember to be a bad bitch today, baby boy.”

    Sometimes, hyping your boy up is the ultimate form of support. Everybody needs a reminder now and then.

    9. “When was the last time you took a break and treated yourself, big man? You deserve it.”

    Guys often forget to prioritise self-care. You’re just here to remind him that YOLO.

    [ad]

    11. “Just wanted to say you’re doing great, even if life isn’t giving you gold stars right now.”

    The type of message that’ll warm his heart, even if he doesn’t say it out loud.

    11. “How’s your mental health, bro? Like, for real. No pretending to be a gangster today.”

    Straight to the point, but with a layer of care. It’s okay to not always be strong.

    12. “You still owe me that PS5 match.”

    Use his love of gaming to check-in. The possibility of getting beat might be the push he needs to open up.

    13. “You know you can text me at any hour, right? Just don’t call me before 9 a.m., I’ll still be asleep.”

    Your guy will feel better knowing you’re there for him, even with boundaries.

    Enjoyed this piece about sweet messages for men? Read this next: An Old and Forgotten Friend Made My Japa Dreams Come True

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Stephen and Pamilerin started talking on social media five years ago, and now, they’re best friends who run a popular restaurant in Lagos. In this episode of My Bro, they talk about understanding each other’s love language, handling fights about work and how Pamilerin’s recent marriage has affected their friendship. 

    Our origin story

    Stephen: I can’t remember how we met, but I know it happened on social media around 2018. I thought we’d remain random mutuals on Instagram. But look at us now. 

    Pamilerin: It’s weird because I can’t remember either. One minute, you were this guy I knew on social media; the next thing, we’re taking trips and running a business together. And I’m like, “Who’s this annoying man I’m doing all this nonsense with?” But I know if I leave you now, you’ll tell everyone I forced this friendship by thunder and fire. 

    First impressions 

    Pamilerin: Before you say anything, I know you didn’t like me at first. You saw me as this annoying, lousy social media influencer who did everything for clout. That’s what you and your clique thought about me for a long time. Or am I lying? 

    Stephen: Actually, that’s everyone’s first impression when they see you on social media. It’s not like I hated you. There was a time I felt you were the most hated man on Twitter. You were doing too much, so I didn’t see us being friends. 

    But I got to know you outside of social media, and everything changed. 

    Pamilerin: Unlike you, I’m a good person, so I don’t judge people until I meet them in person.

    Stephen: Why are you lying? 

    Pamilerin: I remember you invited me to your house once, back when you used to cook and invite your friends over for food. Not now, because you’re too lazy. I came over, and the food was really good. That was my first impression of you. I liked you because of your food. 

    When we became friends

    Stephen: We became good friends after a big fight in 2019. I’m trying to remember what it was about because we fight a lot, but I know I had an event after, and you didn’t come or post about it on your page. That made me angrier, and I finally accepted my first impression of you was accurate. I wasn’t going to talk to you again. But we later sat down to talk about what happened, and the next thing I knew, we were planning our first trip together — a trip where we fought almost every day, starting from the airport. 

    Fights are supposed to separate people, but our fights brought us together and made us friends. 

    Pamilerin: I remember that trip. We fought because you came to the airport late. And then, we fought about how to share the hotel room between us. LOL. I’ve never fought with anybody like I’ve fought with you. People always think these fights will end our friendship, but they never do. 

    I can’t pinpoint when we really became friends, but I’ll say we’re in this friendship-fighting relationship that should typically lead to marriage, but I’m already married, so you have to find someone else. 

    We still come back to each other, no matter what

    Stephen: We have more misunderstandings than actual fights, which happen often because we have to make decisions together as business partners. You’re very nonchalant about things, so when I’m hyped about a project, you have this annoying “meh” attitude. You even annoyed me 40 minutes before this chat. 

    But none of these things changes the fact that you’re my go-to person. You’re more than a friend; you’re my brother. I can’t end my relationship with my brother because of a fight, no matter how annoying they are. I know how far you can push my buttons, and it’s not to a place where I feel the need to walk away entirely.

    Pamilerin: Awww. I know you’re a very caring person. You put up this “hard guy” front, but you’re a baby. We’re both strong-headed and act like we don’t care about anything, but after every fight, we’re dying to talk to each other. Our ego is what gets in the way most times. 

    I tell you everything. I don’t even have this relationship with some of my siblings. My wife knows if she’s on a call with me and you call, I’d have to call her back. LOL. You’re the only person I do that for. Our parents know each other. No matter the issue, you’re still the one I’ll call at first sight of trouble or panic.  

    Stephen: It’s also great that we don’t need a third party to settle our issues. All one of us has to do is send a meme or something, and we’re talking again. LOL. If it’s really serious, we’ll sit down and explain each other’s point of view and try to move on from there. 

    I’m more understanding now because I’ve realised when I think you’re nonchalant, you’re actually multitasking. We get to understand more about each other after each fight. 

    Starting a business together 

    Stephen: I had the idea to open a restaurant as soon as I left culinary school. You kept popping up in my mind whenever I thought of a business partner to work with, and we weren’t even close at the time. Starting La Cibo in 2020 definitely solidified our friendship. 

    Pamilerin: I remember you sent me that long epistle asking if I wanted to be your partner. I’m not sure I read everything, but I replied with, “What’s the cost?” Then you typed another shalaye before you finally said it’d cost ₦3m. It sha ended up being more than that *side-eyeing you*. 

    Your message came when I wanted to try something new.  

    Stephen: Starting this business with you was one of my best decisions. It feels good to know I’m not alone when things get rough and that my business partner cares. Other people can look from the outside, but you’re in it with me. 

    Understanding love languages and coming through for each other

    Pamilerin: One of the things I cherish about you is you understand my love language. I like gifts, no matter how small. I say it a lot, but aside from you and my wife, no one else takes the time to get me stuff. It’s a plus that your gifts aren’t cheap. That’s how you gave me an iPad and $1000 for my last birthday. That’s the type of energy I like. 

    The most recent thing you did that really shook me was how you came through on my wedding day this year [2022]. We’d had one of our regular fights and weren’t talking to each other, but you still rallied all our friends, assigned tasks and made sure I could enjoy my day without worrying about anything. You always show up. 

    Stephen: Of course! Look, I’m thankful to God for bringing us together. You’re the kind of guy I can call in the middle of the night to say my car broke down, and you’ll show up. The moment I complain about being sad, or something like that, you’re on your way to cheer me up. I’m the one always telling you it’s not that serious. 

    No matter the situation, you’re always ready to inconvenience yourself to make sure I’m okay. 

    Getting married hasn’t changed our friendship 

    Pamilerin: My wife understands there’s her, and there’s you. I’m basically married to two people. She knows her elder wife, and she can’t fight him. LOL. I’m still the same guy. Nothing has changed for us. 

    Stephen: I don’t think you’ve changed. Plus, your wife is my G, so she’s never angry that I’m taking her husband’s time.  

    What we’d change about each other and our friendship 

    Stephen: When I’m going into a relationship with someone, I go into it knowing their flaws. I accept those flaws. But because I’m human, I’ll still complain about them sometimes. If I could change something about you, it would be your nonchalance. 

    In terms of our relationship, I want us to communicate more when something goes wrong and resolve it immediately instead of letting it drag. And we’re already working on that.

    Pamilerin: You’re really big on decision-making. You get upset when I don’t buy your ideas, and that’s when we start having our “marital issues.” I wish you’d allow someone else to take the wheel sometimes. 

    Also, I hold things back a lot. So I’m learning to talk about things immediately. We’re both working on it to make our friendship better.

    Fighting off haters together 

    Stephen: When we first became friends, I used to feel weird that you were always fighting people on Twitter, but you’ve indoctrinated me into your ways. I even gas you up these days and help you select the best clapbacks. 

    Pamilerin: LOL. 

    I want you to know 

    Pamilerin: You come through at all times. The way you always look out for me is really amazing. Most people don’t know this, but your input in our business is 90%. Outside, people are like, “It’s Pamile’s effort. It’s his restaurant,” But behind the scenes, you do all the work. I just come to the restaurant to eat free food once in a while. 

    I’ve never regretted having you as a friend or starting our business together. You can be annoying, but you’re a good person. I feel lucky to have you.

    Stephen: I’m crying. 

    I know I’m complicated, so I always thank people who are close to me for understanding me. I talk anyhow sometimes, but I appreciate that you don’t whine about it or use what I say against me. You take me for who I am. 

    You’ve also helped me build my brand to a point I wouldn’t have reached alone. I’m happy we met, and I’m grateful you’re my brother. 

  • If there’s one thing about Nigerian men, it’s that we’re loyal. Most times, you’ll find male friendship circles that have remained the same for years, going back to primary or secondary school. While men are open to new friends, we rarely let go of the ones we’ve had before. 

    But what happens when a friendship is no longer working for you, bro? Do you just walk away? Well, taking a page from personal experiences, here are some things to note when dealing with an almost dead bromance. 

    1. How does your friendship make you feel? 

    Before you rush and cut someone off (I didn’t send you o), you need to take out time to properly think about why you’re doing this. The first step is to figure out how your bro makes you feel. If the thought of your bro or just hanging out with them fills you with dread, then omo, it’s to check and balance that friendship. Friendship, like other relationships, requires a little bit of work, but that doesn’t mean your friendship should feel like Further Mathematics. 

    2. Are you holding on to the past? 

    Like my editor, Ruka will say, “It’s time to do some critical thinking here.” One mistake we make as humans, is that we often prefer to stick with what we know, as opposed to exploring what’s out there. Well, bro, it’s time to reevaluate your friendship. Do you guys still have things in common or are you just doing a lot of “Remember when” and “back in the day”? Friendships can get stuck once in a while, and while not all are toxic and some are still fixable, it’s important to know the difference so you can save yourself the wahala. 

    3. Understand your boundaries, bro

    You can’t blame someone for walking into a door you left ajar. Knowing your boundaries allows you to know what you can or cannot take from someone. Define these boundaries and if people cross them, talk to them about it. How will you resolve issues with people in your life when you can’t even trace the source of your problem. Help the people in your life help you abeg. 

    4. Look for a non-confrontational way to resolve the issue

    Before you call your bro out, try to settle on other ways you can fix the problem you both have. Change the dynamic slowly —they might not even notice. Be open to exploring new things or having more adventures outside of your current comfort zone. Maybe along the way, you might just rediscover what made both of you friends in the first place. But this only works if your friend is annoying. Bro, if they’re toxic toxic, skip this step with vim. 

    RECOMMENDED: 5 Nigerian Men Talk About Friends Coming Through for Them

    5. Talk to them about how you feel

    As men, we’re not the biggest fans of confrontation especially when it’s personal and involves our feelings. Well, it’s time for you to get over that feeling and move into 2022. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, please call them out with quickness. Talk to your friend about what you’ve noticed and why you think it’s happening. If tears move start coming, bro open your eyeballs and cry. Just make sure you don’t leave anything unsaid. Vulnerability >>>

    6. If they’re making points, listen

    If after speaking to your guy he then decides to share his thoughts with you, please listen. Who knows? You might be the villain in this story. But you also need to know that it’s not by force to accept their explanation. 

    7. Japa 

    You’ve done your part — the critical thinking, the trying to change the dynamics, and the talking. Now, it’s time for you to bounce. Not all friendships are meant to last forever. Take the memories and lessons you’ve learnt and move on. By the way, sometimes, it’s best to just jump right to this point and leave the whole others behind. Life is short my guy.

    ALSO READ: “I Was Miserable AF” — Nigerian Men Talk About Leaving Toxic Relationships