People (and by people I mean strangers on the internet) are often quick to say “Nigerian men and women were made for each other. I decided to confirm if this match was made in heaven or Nigerian men were better suited to others. I asked six Nigerian men about their romantic experiences with non-Nigerians. Here’s what they had to say.
My girlfriend is Sierra Leonean. I’m not saying all Nigerian women are terrible, but I’ve experienced more tenderness, empathy and kindness. There’s more openness, less scepticism and definitely none of that deliberate wickedness that ends in “I was just playing with you.” She’s listening and accommodating and quite optimistic.
There are a lot of instances but just for contrast, I’ll describe an incident that happened with a Nigerian friend who claims to have a crush on me. At a gathering with friends, she said something about my presence being annoying. I told her that was hurtful and asked her to stop if she wasn’t serious. She goes on and on, deliberately trying to poke fun at me, asking if I need to talk to my therapist. Next thing, “Ah, are you angry? Did I do anything to you?” I was pissed and I left the gathering. She later texted me that it was all banter, despite the fact that I made it clear that it was hurtful.
My partner would never do anything like that. When I tell her I don’t like something, she stops it immediately and apologizes. No bullying or trivialising the issue. It just doesn’t happen again. There’s no such thing as “doing too much”. Just two people trying to be kind and happy. Sierra Leoneans are like Nigerians, and she’s been in Nigeria for a while so she’s acclimatised. It’s like dating a really warm Nigerian with a very accepting family.
I’ve dated three non-Nigerians – a Northern Irish, a Kenyan and a Zambian. I even got engaged to one of them but distance ended that relationship. I dated the Kenyan during my masters in the UK. She started the conversation with me on a bus about UK weather (a default icebreaker) and we hit it off. She was a remarkable person. An amazing cook and wonderful in bed. She was always willing to experiment, either in the kitchen or in the other room.
Her parents were pretty well off and I was a broke student on an allowance. I was in awe of how she splurged on gifts for me – clothes, shoes, watches. One time, she booked a weekend getaway to a theme park near London. I did the math and clocked it cost about N800k. She told me I didn’t have to spend a thing. In her words, “my money is our money and your money is our money.” She completely blew me away. I was never the sole spender in the relationship. One time, she hid my debit card because she didn’t like the fact that I was always paying for our meals. She was also super romantic and would always stop by my place on her way back from work. Her family was also quite welcoming; I spent the New Years holiday with them. The best relationship I ever had. Sadly, she had to go back to Kenya after her degree.
I dated an Indian in university and it was fantastic. She was beautiful, with great hips and long hair. We used to sit beside each other in class. She told me she liked me and why, without mincing words. Soon after, we were dating.
She was more expressive of her feeling than Nigerian babes. Unfortunately, she was a conservative Muslim. Her parents sent a driver to pick her immediately after school every day so we didn’t get to see a lot. We used to fuck all over the school, whenever we could. She’d also buy me a gift for any gift I bought her and was never hesitant to spend on me. On her part, she became more liberal while dating me, going from a hijabi to wearing shoulder scarves, jeans and makeup.
After graduating, she was married off to some guy in the UK and that was the end of our relationship. I recommend that Nigerian men date at least one non-Nigerian in their lifetime. It’s nice to experience.
I’ve dated a Motswana, Thai and South African. A common theme across the board for them is they’re more willing to spend and are less entitled. They were also quite better at articulating issues and were more willing to accept personal responsibility too. They never tried to shift blame and never excused their own bad behaviour.
The South African was the most serious of the relationships. She spent on me without provocation. It was refreshing to be taken care of for a change. I had to turn down some grander gestures so I wouldn’t feel guilty if a break up happened. There was no expectation for me to pay when we ate out, she either paid or made us split. While I protested her generosity most times, it’s nice to know they didn’t automatically expect me to pay. They were also largely respectful of boundaries, particularly my time. She understood if I was too busy to hang out, without sulking. If there was an issue, she would address it instead of becoming passive-aggressive.
This isn’t to say Nigerian women are bad. I’ve dated amazing Nigerian women but they’re generally socialised a certain way and there’s no getting around that, except for a few who are self-aware and are consistently self-auditing.
I’ve dated a number of non-Nigerians. In summary, there was less drama, no billing, no broke-shaming or snide remarks about not using an iPhone. The quality of the conversation was better. It just felt a lot less transactional. However, I had to deal with racism when I was in Slovenia when some men accused me of stealing their babes. But they are cowards and can’t fight so it’s all good. Another girl’s family made her move out of the house because they said she had caught “some African disease.”
I dated a French black woman. It was refreshing. Different, but in a good way. She was expressive with her emotions in a way I find Nigerians usually aren’t. However, a peculiar source of friction in our relationship was the fact that she used to get very upset when I tell my friends I love them. She says it’s because I was colonised by the English and she by the French, but apparently, I was too liberal with saying “I love you” to friends. There might be some truth to it since the French say Je t’aime and Je t’adore which mean the same thing in English but carry different potencies in French. She didn’t adjust. I just stopped telling people I loved them [laughs].
Having dated Nigerians and non-Nigerian, I think people are just people, and I haven’t seen any significant difference that tilts my personal preference either way.
My girlfriend is German and it’s more peaceful than dating a Nigerian. It costs less because financial burdens are split equally. She’s a better communicator and has no problems saying what she wants when it comes to sex, unlike Naija babes that you have to be guessing. She has also taught me to enjoy things like picnics, hiking and walks in the park.
However, the lack of cultural similarities gets to me sometmes. Our jokes are different; for example, she doesn’t get why I find Nigerian comedy skits and memes so funny. Still, she’s a big fan of Nigerian music. She listens to more Afropop than I do. We also have different tastes in food so we don’t have as many joint meals as we would have if she was Nigerian. She doesn’t understand my struggles such as why my cousins and siblings are taxing me for money.
There’s a remarkable difference between Nigerian and foreign relationships. First, they seemed to be more interested in me for who I am. There’s no need to impress like I would have to with Lagos babes. There’s also less financial pressure. It was the first time I felt comfortable telling a babe I was broke because they would cover for me when I couldn’t and they never made a big deal out of it. It felt really refreshing to be spoiled by her and it made me reciprocate a lot more.
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