When We Say Eat the Rich, These Are the People We’re Talking About

January 25, 2023

Bubu’s decided travel influencing is a more profitable pastime than looking after Nigeria’s economy. This means it’s time to reenact the purge and go after all the Jeff Bezos types in your circle. 

People that eat more than two eggs at once

Seeing as a crate of eggs is now equivalent to one citizen meal, if you so much as dream about eating eggs, you’re automatically a rich person. Make that dream a reality, and you should be doing giveaways every fortnight because you are swimming in money.

Parents

Children are expensive af, so anybody paying for another human being to live a full life is an Otedola in their own right.

People that are into real estate

If anybody looks you in the eyes and tells you they’re into real estate, don’t ask how, don’t ask what it means, just stretch out your hand and ask for your share. They’re the real owners of Lagos.

Tech bros 

Don’t let their T-shirt, glasses and slides fool you. All your friends doing UI/UX and developing software have unicorn money. Especially the ones with dreads on top of their head. Bill them today.

People that uber everywhere

Think of them as the Elon Musks of our generation. Excess money and a constant need to spend it. 

Wedding makeup and gele artistes

Wedding vendors are big money makers in Nigeria, so if you know anyone charging ₦350k to tie gele, hold the hem of their garment and demand your share.

People that are always outside in Lagos

Lagos tax, service charge and VAT? Anybody paying an extra 22.5% on their meals in Laygurs has enough to spare. Don’t even ask them, just hold them at gunpoint and go, “Your money or your life.” Lagos people need their lives for jaiye.

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