Let’s Talk About That Petty AF Farewell Poster

October 17, 2019

Her name is Mrs Eunice Adekemi Olamijuwon. She used to be the nursing leader at Wesley Guild Hospital in Ilesha until she was redeployed. Unknown to Mrs Eunice (or maybe she did know but didn’t care), the rest of the hospital staff hated her guts. Super stoked that she was finally leaving, they made this PETTY AS HELL banner and hung it out for everyone to see.

Gurrrrrrrrrl! LMAO!

A thing that kills me about this whole thing is how, at first glance, the banner looks like an obituary. Reading it for the first time, the “With gratitude to God” stirred up feelings of sadness because I expected “celebrate the life of…” to come next.

…inglorious REDEPLOYMENT of a MISCHIEVIOUS TYRANT” almost sent me to the great beyond. The sudden shift in tone coupled with the use of the word “Inglorious” – implying that she was redeployed for doing something shameful – made me choke on saliva as I proceeded to laugh for 5 minutes straight.

Here’s how I think this banner came to be:

Person 1 (hella excited): You will not believe what I just heard!

Person 2: What?

Person 1: Emperor Eunice has been redeployed!

Person 2 (climbs on the table and announces loudly to the rest of the room): YOU GUYS! EMPEROR EUNICE IS LEAVING!!

*Entire office does choreographed celebratory dance to Kool & the Gang’s “Celebration.”*

Person 3: As she’s not our boss anymore, we should do something to embarrass her. Something that lets her know that if she was drowning and needed a floater, we’d throw her an anchor instead.

Person 4: It also has to be something that lets the world know of our immense joy.

Person 1 (smiles mischievously): Oh, I have the perfect idea.

CUT TO PRINTER’S SHOP

Printer (on a phone call): LFMAO! You said you want WHAT written on the banner?!

Another thing we need to talk about is the hospital-wide meeting you just know they had to settle on the list of things the banner says Mrs Eunice would be remembered for. Let’s go through them:

  • Lies: LIES!
  • Mischiefs: With the “s”, huh?
  • High Handedness: I bet this was suggested by someone who asked to leave early one day and was told no.
  • Arrogance: That pose in the picture says it all tbh.
  • Divide and Rule: Why though? She was already their boss and in control. Why would she need to do this?
  • Power Drunkenness and Power Intoxication: Both are the same thing.
  • Disregard & Disrespect of Elder: Again, either one could’ve worked but I guess they went with both “disrespect” and “disregard” as a way to stress their point. Also, was there just one elder?
  • Fetishism: Worship of an inanimate object for its supposed magical powers OR heightened sexual interest in specific body parts? Did she use the power she got from magical objects to force them all to give her feet pics? WHICH IS IT?!
  • Sadism: Did she ever come to work dressed in a latex catsuit and stilettos while holding a whip?
  • Witch Hunting: I just imagined her burning hospital employees at the stake and JESUS CHRIST –

I also like how the last line on the banner says, “Wesley Guild hospital is free at last. Glory be to God” like they just successfully got rid of a demon that’d been haunting the place.

It’s entirely possible that Mrs Eunice never did any of these things, and the hospital’s staff just hated her because she’s a strict disciplinarian who refused to let them do whatever they wanted. (This is a government hospital and we all know how anyhow civil servants can be when it comes to work ethic.) Judging by this tweet from someone who claims to have done their IT in the same hospital, that’s pretty much what’s happened here.

I mean, didn’t the same thing happen to Jesus?

Astor George

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