7 Animals That Have Suffered In The Hands Of Superstitious Nigerians

December 11, 2018

Have you ever stopped to think about the long list of innocent animals who just want to chill and exist the way they were meant to but keep getting killed by superstitious Nigerians? Of course, you haven’t. Your human privilege has blinded you to the suffering of these poor little (occasionally big) guys.

Well, I (a human who is aware of his privilege and has decided to use it for good) decided to interview a couple of these animals so you all can know what it’s like to be  slain in your prime due to false accusations of having ties to the “occult kingdom.”

The following entries are from 7 animals who agreed to speak to me about the struggles they face. The entries are written in their voice.

1) Cats

“We get that we’re not the most affectionate pets, our glow-in-the-dark eyes are creepy, and, unlike dogs, we actually have our shit together. But we swear, not all of us are your bitter village relatives in disguise waiting for an opportunity to suck your blood. So please, quit freaking out whenever we show up to eat from your trash.” 

2) Owls

“I will never forget where I was when I heard my brother had died. He’d flown into a human family’s house one night to chill for a bit when he was brutally murdered because they thought he was there to harm them. All these accusations because of our large eyes, comically long legs, and our ability to turn our heads 360 degrees. We deserve better. My brother, Cornelius, deserved better.”

3) Vultures

“It’s bad enough that we’re discriminated against for eating dead things and being ugly as sin, superstitious Nigerians have thrown in accusations of being harbingers of death too. Na ugly we ugly oh, we no kill person. (We just eat the person when they die.)” 

4) Galagos (Bush Babies)

“We are not little people that go about with magic mats looking for greedy humans to kill. We were nicknamed “bush babies” because of the high-pitched sound we make. I’m guessing some idiot in history once mistook our cry for a human baby’s and proceeded to spread made up stories about forest-dwelling murderous magical midgets instead of just admitting he was wrong.”

5) Bats

“My unfortunate name aside (my parents were the literal worst), we don’t all suck blood. The ones that do (think of them like those trash family members you distance yourself from) aren’t even native to Africa, so Nigerians are safe. 

So if we accidentally fly into your house, please don’t kill us and flush our bodies down the toilet. We’ll end up flying into your ceiling fan anyways.” 

6) Snakes

“Honestly, I blame Nollywood for perpetuating the stereotype that every snake that shows up is a spirit from the “marine kingdom” who will later shapeshift into a beautiful light-skinned girl and destroy destinies left and right. Yes, we have poisonous venom, but we only bite when we feel attacked. So, mind your business and we’ll mind ours.”

7) Spiders

“Spinning webs is not a joke. We make that shit to catch food. It is physically demanding and takes a long ass time. So imagine the frustration we feel when we come back to find our webs (and our food prospects) gone because some of you think walking into one is bad luck. Grow the fuck up!”

Well, there you have it.

Remember these stories next time you think of killing a snake JUST because it showed up in your toilet bowl.

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

May 14, 2021

Bolanle Austen-Peters Production, in collaboration with the MTN Foundation, is bringing the story and characters of Wole Soyinka’s Death and the King’s Horseman to the Terra Kulture stage on May 13 to 16 in eight performances. The story, which is inspired by true events, is about a king’s horseman who is prevented from committing ritual […]

May 14, 2021

Spiderman has been seen doing a ton of questionable things on the TL lately — dancing at parties for food, twerking for coins and passing out at nightclubs. We can’t tell if it’s the economy or he took the wrong covid vaccine, but something is seriously wrong with that man. So, inspired by these shenanigans, […]

The Worst Thing A Friend Has Done
May 14, 2021

Friendships can be tricky. Sometimes, friends hurt each other and it’s hard to get past that. In this article, we asked seven Nigerian women to share the worst thing a friend has done to them.  Ibinabo, 24 I had this roommate when I was doing my diploma in Ibadan. I was a new student but […]

Recommended Quizzes

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

More from Inside Life

May 13, 2021

Abuse in mental health institutions is not a new phenomenon. Reports of abuse emanate from care institutions nationwide. This is worsened by the fact that there are thousands of unregistered mental health institutions which often use unorthodox methods in the treatment of patients. The case isn’t any different in government-run institutions where practitioners operate unsupervised […]

man holding money to his ear
May 12, 2021

Are you tired of waiting for a promotion that doesn’t seem to be coming? We get it, and that’s why we made this guide to getting one. 1. Work hard Work very hard. Show up at work before everybody. Do their work and yours too. You can even go on public holidays to show them […]

May 11, 2021

If you are part of the ‘’I want what Zikoko writers are on’’ bandwagon, then this article is 100% for you. It’s a short and easy guide to joining us.  1.Tweet your journo request every day.  Yes, this is step one. If you want to talk to people who have turned to yam and are […]

May 10, 2021

Emojis were created to make texting cooler and make conversations a lot more interesting. Since we are ever so kind at Zikoko, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to interpret what some emojis should mean.  1.🙂 This emoji should be called the 40+ emoji, it’s not a smile or a frown? It’s passive-aggressive, very much like […]

May 8, 2021

Exclusive new SoundCloud playlist on Triller features standout independent artists direct from SoundCloud Lagos, 7th May 2021 – AI-powered social media experience Triller and next-generation music entertainment company SoundCloud, today, announced a new integration that will uniquely showcase and support emerging independent artists with the launch of a dedicated SoundCloud-curated playlist featured on Triller. For […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X