When I was born, the plan was to be a baby girl for life and literally too. First day I heard… “you suck breast too much, I can’t wait for you to grow up”.
But you see, life’s not fair, I started walking and people started throwing around words like “responsible”, “house chore” etc.
School started and everything was smooth until I got to senior secondary class.
Science class or art class or commercial class?
Decided science class and then my mother decided to tell mummy Biola that always has an opinion about everything. Mummy Biola went..
And then, “this girl that likes to talk a lot, she should be a lawyer”.
Meanwhile, I was like..
So time for JAMB, I studied the brochure.
I concluded on Medicine and Surgery. So first year in school, I was ready. New baffs, who this?
Year 1 was a breeze!
Year 2, Anatomy lecturer said “look beside you, that’s your competition”.
Big texts, human bones, people started calling me “D Doctorrrrrrr”, I started..
First test and our scores were pasted on the notice board, when I saw my score..
Year 2 to year 3 break, went home and dad introduced me as a doctor to his friends, I was like..
Year 3. Restrategized and was ready.
I wasn’t going to fail anymore because..
First professional exam.
Meanwhile, family and friends were very expectant.
Results were released and yay! I passed.
Time for wardcoat and actually dealing with real humans.
Things took a different turn. Each Consultant* had their rule.
When you resume in the morning, then you get to the clinic and there are no patients.
And the Consultant announces an impromptu wardround “to keep you busy”.
Consultant then asks “Whose patient is this?!” and you have not clerked.
But you signed for your clerking* partner in exchange for him to clerk your patient but he still didn’t clerk.
Consultant starts insulting you and your ancestors and a Registrar* now puts mouth.
After you finish chopping that insult from your Consultant.
Then, the person that was meant to clerk comes to say sorry to you.
When you get to the hospital early the following day to clerk the patient and are feeling quite confident..
You finish presenting and the Consultant asks if you’ve seen a stupid person before and you reply..
And then, he asks you when last you checked the mirror.
When you forgot to ask a question from your patient but you lied to your Consultant you did.
And the consultant now asks the patient to confirm if you really did.
And the patient answers “no”.
Then he asks the patient “have you seen this medical student before?” And the patient is hesitant.
Meanwhile your classmates are behind you like..
After wardround, they come to pay their condolences.
But you still believe tomorrow will be better.
Exam time and everybody is like..
You and your study partner sit in the exam hall like..
First question- which of these is not unlikely to be true?
“How was your paper?”
And that guy that always passes comes to tell you yet again that the paper was bad.
When you’re the first person to finish oral exams.
Then you start permutating your scores to see if you will have up to 50%.
And finally, you passed.
Then your finally have the time to go to those weddings your friends always invite you for.
But through everything, you’re still D Doctorrrrr
Written by Zikoko contributor, Adeola Adedeji.
Featured image from Edu Africa
Definitions:
*Consultant – A specialist in a particular area and the most senior doctor in a clinical team.
*Registrar – A senior doctor in the team studying to become a consultant.
*Clerking – Interviewing a patient to determine what is wrong with them.
Pizza is a favourite meal, loved by everyone. Yet, peope have a preferrance on how they want their pizza; the kind of crust they want, the kind of toppings they would love to have on their pizzas; this has been a bone of contention for many people who share a pizza with someone who loves […]
What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. “Man Like” is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means […]
Most of us can probably sketch a pretty accurate outline of the Nigerian map, but how many of us can honestly claim to know where all the states are located? Well, this quiz is here to test just how well you know your own country. Try and get at least 18 states:
Colours are more than something the eyes see, they’re also a representation of behaviours and personalities. Take this quiz and we will tell you which colour best describes your personality. Let’s begin.
Are you straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual or asexual? Well, we are willing to bet that this quiz knows. Just pick a few of your favourite things and we’ll reveal your sexual orientation. Give it a shot:
While this might seem like a relatively easy quiz, there’s a tiny twist. We are challenging you to correctly identify all the capitals of Nigeria’s 36 states without singing that song we all learnt in primary school.
Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:
Are you a Nigerian Student? Are you in a relationship with a fellow Nigerian student? If your answer to these questions is “yes”, then definitely understand these struggles stated below The roommate that does not understand privacy You have been telling Cynthia about how bae is coming over for some private time since the beginning […]
Phillipine movies usually follow a pattern that has become obvious and annoying. Consider this list a documentation of that annoyance by once loyal fans.
Forget Tunji and Daniella, if you’re wondering who your best friend is, it’s most definitely the phone you’re either reading this from or the phone that’s somewhere within your vision; we know this because you’re definitely a phone addict that gets a little impatient when you’re too far away from your phone. Okay, let’s not […]
Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]
In case you have not realised it, Nigerians have a PhD in lying. Multiple PhDs, even. And there are some people who are professors in the art of lying, but we will keep that conversation for another day. Anyway, here is a list of common lies Nigerians tell. Don’t lie, we know you must told […]
Anyone who grew up in a Nigerian household understands that the Saturday routine does not change. It is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you are a true Nigerian, then you’ll understand these pictures and their connection to Saturday mornings. 1. Morning devotion by 6:00 AM. In which your parents can slap you for […]
Growing up, Saturdays used to be fun thanks to Cadbury Nigeria and Silverbird television. However, these days, as an adult, Saturdays are filled with unfinished work from the week before. If you are lucky, maybe a nice outing or mild to moderate fornication. Still, all these don’t fill the void the way cartoons used to […]
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
Z! Stacks
Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
If you’ve been struggling to know what country to migrate to, we have good news. The scientists at Zikoko have discovered the country that suits your personality. All you have to do is pick random Nigerian foods and we’ll tell you what country to relocate to. Sounds easy? Try below:
Join The Conversation
Bring a friend.