The Hilarious Life of A Nigerian Medical Student

February 23, 2016

When I was born, the plan was to be a baby girl for life and literally too. First day I heard… “you suck breast too much, I can’t wait for you to grow up”.

But you see, life’s not fair, I started walking and people started throwing around words like “responsible”, “house chore” etc.

School started and everything was smooth until I got to senior secondary class.

Science class or art class or commercial class?

Decided science class and then my mother decided to tell mummy Biola that always has an opinion about everything. Mummy Biola went..

And then, “this girl that likes to talk a lot, she should be a lawyer”.

Meanwhile, I was like..

So time for JAMB, I studied the brochure.

I concluded on Medicine and Surgery. So first year in school, I was ready. New baffs, who this?

Year 1 was a breeze!

Year 2, Anatomy lecturer said “look beside you, that’s your competition”.

Big texts, human bones, people started calling me “D Doctorrrrrrr”, I started..

First test and our scores were pasted on the notice board, when I saw my score..

Year 2 to year 3 break, went home and dad introduced me as a doctor to his friends, I was like..

Year 3. Restrategized and was ready.

I wasn’t going to fail anymore because..

First professional exam.

Meanwhile, family and friends were very expectant.

Results were released and yay! I passed.

Time for wardcoat and actually dealing with real humans.

Things took a different turn. Each Consultant* had their rule.

When you resume in the morning, then you get to the clinic and there are no patients.

And the Consultant announces an impromptu wardround “to keep you busy”.

Consultant then asks “Whose patient is this?!” and you have not clerked.

But you signed for your clerking* partner in exchange for him to clerk your patient but he still didn’t clerk.

Consultant starts insulting you and your ancestors and a Registrar* now puts mouth.

After you finish chopping that insult from your Consultant.

Then, the person that was meant to clerk comes to say sorry to you.

When you get to the hospital early the following day to clerk the patient and are feeling quite confident..

You finish presenting and the Consultant asks if you’ve seen a stupid person before and you reply..

And then, he asks you when last you checked the mirror.

When you forgot to ask a question from your patient but you lied to your Consultant you did.

And the consultant now asks the patient to confirm if you really did.

And the patient answers “no”.

Then he asks the patient “have you seen this medical student before?” And the patient is hesitant.

Meanwhile your classmates are behind you like..

After wardround, they come to pay their condolences.

But you still believe tomorrow will be better.

Exam time and everybody is like..

You and your study partner sit in the exam hall like..

First question- which of these is not unlikely to be true?

“How was your paper?”

And that guy that always passes comes to tell you yet again that the paper was bad.

When you’re the first person to finish oral exams.

Then you start permutating your scores to see if you will have up to 50%.

And finally, you passed.

Then your finally have the time to go to those weddings your friends always invite you for.

But through everything, you’re still D Doctorrrrr

Written by Zikoko contributor, Adeola Adedeji. Featured image from Edu Africa Definitions: *Consultant – A specialist in a particular area and the most senior doctor in a clinical team. *Registrar – A senior doctor in the team studying to become a consultant. *Clerking – Interviewing a patient to determine what is wrong with them.

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