1. Pick a subject matter.

Wealth, success etc. Because you don’t want people to look up to you for everything. You’re not anybody’s daddy.

2. Make up ‘inspirational’ stories about your life and experiences.

See, truth is: no one will know if you’re lying. They were not there.

3. Prepare your faux-deep messages.

It’s 2015. If it’s not deep, it’s not valid.

4. Always have go-to rhymes.

“You need information to stay in formation.” How else will you capture audience attention – on posters and in tweets?

5. Pick popular people or examples to support your subject matter.

“The 7-star hotel in Dubai was built based on aspiration, inspiration and perspiration.”

6. Always be vague. You want to leave them thinking.

In everything you should remember, this is an elaborate con. The less details, the better.

7. Borrow an accent.

A British one would be nice; but when in doubt, mix them up! The goal is confusion.

8. Use more words than you really need.

You need to work hard. = You need to embrace fully, the entirety of values behind laborious labor.

9. Contradict other motivational speakers.

This is extremely important. People need to know you’re the smartest, most inspiring person alive.

10. Write a book. Then write 7 more books saying EXACTLY the same thing in 7 new ways.

You know, SEO.

11. Sell yourself as a life consultant/coach.

It’s the law of natural progression.


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.