The Complete Guide To Surviving Nigeria Without Fuel And Electricity

April 8, 2016
How many weeks has it been since we had fuel and light simultaneously? Or you know, even one after the other. But you know, we are Nigerians, so we have to survive.

1. Always remember that this period is not the time to be moving up and down.

If it’s not urgent, you’re not going.

2. Instead of driving your own car or paying for bus, mount a truck.

You won’t spend money or fuel. Imagine the breeze though!

3. Before you visit anyone, ask them if they have fuel. If they do, will their generator be on?

Let’s not waste each other’s time.

4. Banish the spirit of shame that will not let you charge your phone at the meeting you’re attending.

We are all going through the same things.

5. When you plug your phone, go ahead and plug everything else that needs charging.

Yes. Even your rechargeable fan.

6. When you go to a bank with free sockets, plan to spend at least two hours there.

You need the full battery, and they have AC. This is your home now.

7. To extend your stay at the bank, allow people that enter after you to cut the line in front of you.

They think they’re doing you, but you know better.

8. To make your stay at the bank look legit, withdraw N1000.

It’s still money.

9. Sit in the bank, watch Buhari on CNN and get upset all over again.

This N1000 must be worth it.

10. The next day, go back to the bank to deposit the N1000 and repeat 5, 6, 7 and 8.

They won’t suspect.

11. Carry a water bottle around, you cannot tell when you will encounter a cold water dispenser.

Prepare for the best.

12. When you go to a reastaurant, sit near the sockets.

Take your time to select a seat, they’ll think you’re tush.

13. Then eat as slowly as possible so you can enjoy the AC and charge your devices.

You sha paid.

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