How To Survive Driving Your Nigerian Mother

February 2, 2016

1. Wear your seat-belt before starting to drive.

Else she thinks you want to kill her. You do not want her to think that.

2. At every point in time, always have your two hands on the steering wheel.

She won’t have it any other way.

3. NEVER go past 60Km/hr.

As we say this, we aren’t even sure if that is slow enough.

4. Ask her for the music she wants. And then play those.

Else she will complain about every song that comes on.

5. Never look at her while you’re talking to her. Even if she started the conversation.

This is science.

6. Leave at least 6 car links between you and the next car. Else you’re too close.

“You’re too close!”

7. Accept that you’re always at fault. And never argue about that.

Because you cannot win.

8. Resist telling her “come and take your car” or “do you want to come down and drive it yourself?”.

No matter how frustrated you are, it won’t end well.

9. Be ready for impromtu driving lessons.

“Can’t you see?” “Do you want to hit him?” “You can’t even drive.”

10. When she says you’re going out for an hour, multiply that by 3. And then multiply that by 2.

It’s going to be a long day.

11. Never complain about the stops to buy various – unnecessary – items. Just park.

Your objections are useless anyway, so why bother?

12. Make yourself comfortable while she bargains or stops to greet her friends.

She gave you life. You can wait 2 hours. >_>

13. Be aware that you’re sponsoring the fuel.

LMAO, wait, what did you think?

14. Know that driving her is an interview for borrowing her car later.

And if you pass, you will have access to her car. Side effects include: turning into her general driver.
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